


Finding Life Again

by HQuinn



Series: Warden Arianna [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Jealousy, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-04-04 04:31:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 53
Words: 74,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4125604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HQuinn/pseuds/HQuinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An old friend makes her way to the Inquisition, bringing along an unwelcome person from Cullen's past.  This is a story about friendship, forgiveness, and learning to move on after losing someone you built your life around.</p><p>Now with art</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arrival at Skyhold

**Author's Note:**

> If you like this, PLEASE leave me a Kudos or a comment to let me know. I can't tell you how much it makes my day when you do.
> 
> If you want to check me out, I'm on tumblr at: http://wardenari.tumblr.com/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're new to this story, I recommend starting at my story "Love and Darkspawn" first. It's not necessary to follow this one, but this story will give away a lot of the surprises in that one:
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/4269144/chapters/9666249

Cullen sat in his office going over troop movements and doing his best to fight off another headache. The withdrawals from stopping the lyrium was getting worse. On top of that, he'd managed to make a fool of himself in front of the Inquistor yet again. He'd been so focused on a report he was reading that he didn't even see her until he'd smacked right into her when she was talking to Dorian. He's flustered through a blushing apology while helping her stand back up, pretty sure the mage was smirking at them the whole time. He was pulled from his thoughts when his soldiers barreled in the room out of breath and looking anxious.

“Commander, Ser”, the recruit stood up straight, all the while trying to catch his breath. “Trouble at the front gate Ser.”

Cullen shot up from his chair immediately, moving to get his sword, “Report”

“Ser. Two people, man and woman, approached. She refuses to give her name, says she will only speak with you or Sister Leliana.”

“And that didn’t seem suspicious, Martin is it?”, the Commander asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, Martin, Ser. And it did, but when Captain Reylan approached, the minute he touched her she broke his nose.” Holding up his hands, to steady his quickly angering Commander. “He’s ok Ser, she had her companion heal him. And, well, then told him he was doing a fine job protecting Skyhold. Then she grabbed me, Ser. Told me if I didn’t come find you she’d conscript me into the Wardens.” 

“Wait, so she attacked the Captain, then healed him and complimented him? And then threatened to make you a Warden? Did Sera put you up to this?” Cullen started to worry this was a withdrawal induced hallucination.

“No, Ser. She told me to give you this, she said you’d know what this meant”, opening his hand and placing a gold earring in the Commander’s hand.

Cullen’s anxiety stopped as he looked at the earring with a smile recognizing it immediately. “Bloody woman.” he mumbled to himself. “Martin, bring her here. And give the earring back, it’s very precious to her.” he placed it back in the soldier's hand.

As Martin turned to leave Cullen called out to him, “And don’t touch her without telling her first, she does not like to be touched by anyone she doesn’t know. That’s why she attacked the Captain. And be respectful, she is my personal guest!”

“Ser, yes ser” Martin replied giving a quick salute while running back to the gate.

Cullen quickly grabbed some paper and wrote 2 letters. Opening his door to find his messenger there, he signaled to get his attention. “Jim, I need you to find the Inquisitor and ask her to come to my office right away. Then find Ambassador Montilyet and ask her to prepare a guest suite. Tell her I have a VIP that has arrived. Finally, send 2 crows. One to Sister Leliana” handing him one note, “and the other to King Alistair” handing him the other note. 

****

Evelyn arrived in the Commander’s office just in time to see him picking up a petite red haired woman into a large hug and spinning her around. The Inquisitor’s heart stopped for a moment, feeling as if it might break. She had never told Cullen how she felt about him, how she dreamed of him at night, how she sat in the War Room watching his fingers move across the War table, imagining them brushing against her skin. Now here he was with his arms around another woman. That woman could have at least had the courtesy of not being attractive! Was this the woman he kept meeting those times he would leave every year on some secretive rendezvous?

Straightening herself, and preparing to hear him introduce this woman that was clearly the one with his heart, Evelyn stepped into the room. “Commander” she said with a false smile.

Turning to look at the Inquisitor, his face softened even more when his eyes fell upon her. “Inquisitor,” he said, stepping to the side, indicating THAT woman with his hand “Allow me to introduce to you Lady Arianna Cousland Arainai, Warden Commander and the Hero of Ferelden. Ari, Lady Evelyn Trevelyan, Herald of Andraste and the Inquisitor.”

“Maker”, laughed the Hero. “That’s a whole lot of titles for such a small room Cullen. How about you just call me Ari” she replied smiling at Evelyn.

Evelyn’s eyes immediately lit up. Her previous jealousy quickly forgotten as the excitement of having someone that she idolized standing before her. She somehow always thought she’d be 10 feet tall, not this small woman looking up at her with an easy going smile. Evelyn had always admired the Hero, being a noble like herself. She’d read so many stories about her, and now here she was standing in front of her, and better yet, asking Evelyn to call her by her first name! Evelyn wondered if this was how others looked at her. Realizing she’d yet to say anything, but had instead been gawking at the Hero... Ari, she blushed, reaching out to shake the woman’s hand, “Then you please call me Eve.”

Indicating the chairs in the office, Cullen bid the women to sit. “Ari, you certainly know how to make an entrance. What brings you to Skyhold, not that I’m not thrilled to see you after so long?”

“Yes, sorry about your Captain’s nose” she blushed, “He caught me off guard. Instincts I’m afraid. Not really the first impression I wanted to make, injuring the Inquisitions soldiers”

Cullen nodded with a smile, allowing her to continue.

“I came as I heard you had an arcanist here. I have some research pertaining to the Wardens I was hoping she could help with. I’m afraid it’s too late for me, “getting quieter and looking down, “But maybe it can help others.”

“Is this what you left to look for?” Cullen asked, hopeful.

“I think so, I really hope so.” she replied.

Finding her voice again, Evelyn added “We’d be happy to help, Our Arcanist, Dagna, can start in right away.”

Ari looked at her with disbelief. “Dagna? Dwarf, brown hair, easily excited about, well pretty much every thing?” laughing as the Inquisitor nodded. “Small world! Thank you Inq..Eve. But I don’t expect help for free. While here I offer my aid to the Inquisition. But if you both could point me to where I could find a room, I’ve just come off the road, and a warm bath and a bed would be divine.”

“I’ve taken the liberty of having one prepared for you.” replied the Commander. Ari smiled. It was just like Cullen to have thought ahead already. “I’ve also written Leliana, she is away. And sent word to the King to also let him know you are safe. But before you go, my soldier said you were accompanied by a man, who is he? Someone special?” he asked teasingly.

With a sigh, Ari looked down again and then back up. “I was hoping to delay that talk. He’s in your prison right now, he’s one of my Warden recruits. I…. Before I say more I need to know that he will be safe here. He is under my protection, until I decide his punishment, but if he won’t be safe here, if… If your feelings on the matter make it so, I will take him and we will leave now.”

Cullen sat back in his chair, trying to figure out why she’d possibly think he’d harm someone under her protection, even a criminal. He'd always had her back in anything with all they years they'd known each other, it was not like her to question his loyalty to her. The realization hit him like a charging bronto, “Andraste’s ass, you brought HIM here? Are you insane? I know you’ve been away for a few years, but do you know the destruction he’s caused. The war he started!” The Commander was now practically yelling.

“I am aware Cullen, that is why he is a prisoner. But he is also a Warden, and as such it is my responsibility to protect him, just as I’m sure you would do with any of your men.” Ari answered calmly as if he wasn't glaring at her in a look that made even battle hardened men quiver.

Eve looked back and forth between the two of them, trying to figure out just who they were talking about. “Cullen?” she asked.

“She brought bloody Anders here! The Maker forsaken fool that blew up the Chantry in Kirkwall!”, Cullen growled.

Ari looked her friend right in the eye. “Should we leave then, Commander? “

Cullen sat back in his chair. Fingers tenting in front of his face, flexing as he thought how best to answer. All the relief and happiness over seeing his long lost friend gone, replaced by a look neither woman could read. Finally speaking after several minutes, “No, stay. You have my word he will be safe in the prison, but one condition to you both staying, and this is non-negotiable Arianna” using her full name to make it clear he was not willing to budge on what he was about to say. “You will not approach him unless I am with you. No exceptions.”

Ari looked at the Commander. Not used to being given commands, usually the one to give them herself, but she was no fool. She knew if he was asking this of her then it was important to him, no matter how unnecessary she may feel it was. “Agreed” she replied, with a smile hoping to relax him. “Now where is that room?”

Cullen rose, opening the door to signal to Jim. “Jim, please show Lady Arainai to the room the Ambassador has set aside for her. Ari, “ softening his voice again, “join me for dinner tonight? We have much to catch up on old friend”

“I’d love that, as long as you don’t call me old again” she replied with a laugh. Looking back to Eve, “You’ll join us too I hope, Eve?” to which the Inquisitor nodded. “Alright, see you both then.”

 

 


	2. Legends Don't Tell the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen fills in the Inquisitor on the truth of the story of the Hero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated, but this is just my very first stab at writing so sorry it's a bit rough. As I gain confidence I'm sure I'll tighten these chapters up. Please let me know if I get anything obviously wrong (like thinking Alistair hates cheese, LOL)

No sooner did the door shut than Eve turned to face her Commander, anger in her eyes, which caught him by surprise. “Commander, why would you ever agree to that? What, just because she’s the Hero, we bow to her whim?”. Evelyn couldn't stop the jealousy now running through her. The way they had talked to each other, it was clear there was some type of history there, and now he was asking her to dinner?

Cullen was not expecting that, he knew Eve adored stories of the Hero of Fereldan. He asked her here just so she could meet the woman, hoping to impress Eve, any excuse to see that breath taking smile of hers. But suddenly he feared he’d made a fatal error. “Eve”, hoping using her name instead of title would slow her anger, “ I agreed because she is my friend, and as strange as it may sound, I think she needs this. No matter how lost of a cause I think it is, I think helping Anders is something she needs.”

“Why? Why would she need that? I’ve heard the stories, her life is bloody perfect.”

Ah, and there it was, he realized. She didn't know the truth, she knew the fairy tale the bards told. Cullen looked at her, affection in his eyes. He loved her passion, and if he was reading it right, there was some jealousy there. Evelyn was jealous because she thought he had a thing for Ari. If she was jealous, then maybe.... He shook his head, that was a dangerous path to go down right now. “Eve, the thing about legends, they never tell you the whole story. They always end with the hero saving the day and living happily ever after. But that’s usually not the case. Ari did not get her happily ever after.”

“What do you mean? Didn’t she marry the dashing former Crow, have a beautiful child and live in Antiva city? ” she asked, all the anger from a moment gone the second Cullen had smiled at her. That damnable smirk melted her every time. She wondered if he had any idea the effect it had on her.

 

“Did you see either of them with her today? Did you hear her even mention them Eve?”, sighing, hoping he wasn’t betraying his friends trust, he sat down in his chair again, holding out his hand to request Eve do the same in the chair she had been in.

“She did have that. For about 5 years. They had a beautiful home. I visited them there a few times. It was a home full of love and laughter. She was able to be just Ari, nothing more than Zevran’s wife, and their daughter’s mother. Not the hero, not the Warden Commander, just Ari. She was at peace, but that peace didn't last. There was a change in the leadership of the Crows. The new Guildmaster decided she wanted Zevran, and that Ari was the only reason he wasn't with her instead. So she sent assassins after them. They just barely escaped, fleeing to Denerim to where King Alistair could protect them. They were there another couple of years, under the King’s protection, although always with a sense of high alert, watching for the Crows. And the Crows did not give up.”

Pausing, rubbing his bridge of his nose with his fingers, he remembered the anguished letter he had received from Ari nearly 3 and a half years ago telling him what had happened. “They attacked them as they were walking back to the castle from a fair. They were both powerful rogues, but the Crows had sent their best. Zevran. He…” Cullen had to pause to keep from choking up. He took a deep breath. “He delayed them so that Ari and their daughter could run back to the safety of the castle. He gave his life to protect his family.”

Looking up at Eve, he saw her eyes starting to tear. The anger was gone. “Ari realized then, she had to go into hiding. She also said that with Zev gone, she was now all that their daughter had left, and that it meant she had to find a cure to something having to do with the Wardens. But she couldn’t keep her safe on the road. So King Alistair adopted the girl, and named her as his heir to ensure her safety. And Ari’s been away searching for the cure since. She hasn’t been back to Denerim since about two months after the attack. She’s lost everything, or at least she thinks she has. I think she needs to feel like she can help Anders, as much as that angers me. I think she needs it just so she has something to focus on.”

Eve took in a deep breath. “So, Princess Ele is really Ari and Zevran’s daughter? I… I didn’t realize. I always thought she lived a charmed life. I understand now.” Giving Cullen a small smile.

“She helped me during the blight. Saved my life. I hope this can repay that in some way,” he replied, offering no more explanation of what he meant by that.


	3. Visit to the Prison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hero finds an unpleasant surprise when she and Cullen talk to Anders.

Nearly two weeks had passed from when they had arrived before Cullen would allow her to enter the prison. He was always busy with some Iniquisition business or other, although Arianna felt he may have been stalling. She sent notes to the prison during that time, promising Anders he hadn't been abandoned. She also spent the time to gather more information about what had happened in Kirkwall, the more she heard, the more she had questions.

Making her way down to the prison, with Cullen in tow as promised, Ari kept her eyes moving to look for which cell was Anders. Spotting him sitting on a cot in one she made her approach, but before she could get within arm’s reach, Cullen reached out to stop her. Really, she had already traveled with him for 2 days on the road; if he was going to harm her wouldn’t he have already done it? She adored Cullen, but this over protectiveness was going to get old quickly. Deciding now was not the time or place for that argument, she coughed lightly to alert the mage to her presence.

Anders looked up behind the blonde hair that had fallen in front of his face, and a small smile crossed his lips as he moved towards the bars. “Warden Commander” he replied. “I hope you like my new place, I call the look ‘Prison chic’” hoping to lighten the mood.

“Anders,” Ari nodded to him returning the affection. “I was hoping we could talk. To help me understand. What happened after I left, what could have possessed you to blow up a Chantry?” She was trying to keep her voice even. Hoping he could provide some answer that would ease her broken heart. Remembering how she had cried when she was in that pub in Rivain, hearing that it was he that had started the war. Not being able to reconcile the fun loving, rarely serious mage with the hardened murderous terrorist she had heard of in the stories that followed her from town to town. She wished she had talked to him about this while they were on the road instead of now in the Inquisition prison where they had not privacy. Maybe she would have insisted more that he not join her in Skyhold if she had. But she had been too happy just to have company, just to have a familiar face around that she hadn't wanted to rock the boat.

Sighing, he looked at his Commander, “After you left, it changed. They sent a new commander in Nate’s place. He took away my cat and assigned a Templar to follow me around. He made it clear that even though I had fought with you and Nate, even though I was a Warden, that he saw me as nothing more than a mage. So I left”, he shrugged. “No one else cared about the abuses the mages were receiving in the Circles. The Knight Commander in Kirkwall was the worst. She’d make a mage tranquil if they sneezed. Something had to be done, change NEEDED to happen.”

“But Anders, the Chantry? You killed innocent people, how would that help the cause. I want to help you, but I need to understand.” She could see he was becoming agitated, but she wasn't sure how to calm him.

Suddenly he started glowing blue, and his voice changed to that of a roar, “WHY? WHY? Justice needed to be served, the Chantry needed to be sacrificed. They stood aside idle while mages were being treated with disdain. There needed to be blood to change this. Mages needed JUSTICE!”

Ari jumped at the sudden change in him, backing up quickly. Anders fell to the ground as Cullen released a Holy Smite against him, the blue disappearing. Anger quickly replaced shock on the Warden Commander's face as she turned and sprinted out of the prison without another word, Cullen quickly following after.

Anders pressed himself against the wall. Tears filling his eyes, covering them with his hands. Pain washed over him as he realized Justice just cost him the one remaining friend he had left in all of Thedas. The only person that still stood by him, wanting to help him, to protect him. She, like everyone else, was now done with him. Those two days he had spent with her on the road since they had crossed paths had filled him with hope. But now, he was alone again. The woman he loved had looked at him with such horror and anger, it was something he couldn't get out of his head. He never wanted her to look at him like that. Her affection became one more thing Justice had taken from him.

****

Eve sat on the wall with Cole looking down on the courtyard, as she saw the Hero storming out towards the practice dummies. She saw the woman start to pummel the dummy with her fists, yelling out something the Inquisitor could not make out. Cullen quickly followed, grabbing her to look at him. She saw them start to talk, raised voices quickly relaxing, then saw them walk off together to the Chantry.

“Jealous. You don’t want to be, you want to like her. Be her friend. But you want him to be yours. He keeps hugging her, he is relaxed with her, not nervous like with you. You want him to be that way with you”

“Thank you Cole”

“But you are wrong. He loves her, but not like he feels for you. He loves her like you love Dorian. It is … it is different. Affection, but not head spinning.”

“You’re saying he’s her friend, but nothing more”

“Yes. They lean on each other, understand the other, protection, but when he looks at you, it’s world knocked for a loop. She felt that way about someone, but he’s gone.” Looking at Eve, he paused. “Did I help?”

“Yes, yes you did Cole.” She turned to him with a warm smile.

*******

Reaching the training dummy Ari struck it full force with her fist.

“Maker’s bloody knickers.” She punched, “ Stupid stupid stupid. “ Three more pummels” What did you do? Stupid mage.” another hit.

Cullen rushed up behind her, “Ari. Are you ok? I’m sorry, I thought you already knew.” He turned her around to face him, trying to help her calm. “Deep breath. Look at me, talk to me”

“Well that explains a lot right there.” She was still yelling, waving her arm in the direction of the prison. “Andraste’s ass Cullen, WHAT was that? How could he be so stupid. How can I defend THAT to people”

Looking at the ground, she continued “This is my fault Cullen. If that’s the spirit I think it is, this is all my fault” Her voice quieting as the anger started to leave her.

“Justice.” Cullen replied. “I didn’t know either until the Chantry exploded. I was Anders’ friend, or thought I was, back in Kirkwall. I never knew about Justice though until it was too late.”

“Then it is my fault. I should never have let Justice help us in the fade. I should have destroyed him when I had the chance. This is all my doing.” She answered, defeated. “Is there a Chantry here? I need to pray”

“Yes. And after I’ll help you find Hawke. She was Anders' best friend. Maybe she can help you with answers you need.” He led her to the Chantry, an arm around his friend’s shoulder for support, to let her know she was not alone.

“Well,” she said, trying to smile, but failing. “Now I know why you insisted on coming along when I talked with him.”


	4. Tell me about Anders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ari and the Commander talk with Varric and Hawke to understand Anders better.

They found Varric, Hawke and Fenris sitting at the table in the main hall that had become Varric's typical spot. Varric was telling them a story about some adventure with the Inquistor while the other two listened, sitting on the other side of the table. Fenris was not one to openly show affection, and to an outsider, it might appear that the two were simply companions. But to one who knew them, besides the matching rings on their hands, one could catch the glances thrown between the two and see the affection there.

“Curly, grab a chair”, Varric motioned, noticing the woman next to the Commander. “You too, Firefly.” Cullen took the seat next to Varric. Ari next to Marian.

“Sorry to you all. I’m afraid I need to speak business.” Ari nodded to them, trying to keep the anger she still felt in check. “I need to know everything you can tell me about Anders and Justice.”

“I can tell you the bastard should have told me what he had planned. I could have stopped him, or helped. I don’t know. I just know that he shouldn’t have lied” Marian growled into her drink.

“Hawke is still working through her anger about the abomination,” Fenris explained.

“Sorry, Hawke. I know you’re angry about Kirkwall. I’m really looking more to understand them, him, I don’t know how what to call it. I only just found out they were merged. I need to determine how to proceed, but to do that, I need to understand what happened. What changed in him from the man, uh men, I knew a decade ago in the Wardens.”

“What do you want to know about Blondie?” Varric asked her.

“What was he like, in Kirkwall? What was Justice like? Are they the same, or separate? Is it a possession?” Ari asked.

Marian looked up with sad eyes. “Anders… he was caring, a healer. Gave his services to the poorest people for free, just because they needed him. That was who he was. He wanted things to change for mages, but he never seemed violent. That was Justice, not Anders. I was his best friend and I didn't even know how bad it was until it was too late. Justice, he'd just take over, and we wouldn't know. He made Anders do things, to the point I’d have to force him to eat and sleep even. Justice just never let up, didn’t understand why Anders would need food, sleep, friendship, love. I think Justice would berate Anders if he showed interest in anything that wasn’t mage freedoms.”

Varric spoke up. “We tried to help. Would invite him to play Wicked Grace with us. But apparently drinking was not helpful to mage freedoms. Justice would sometimes pop out to complain that bluffing was unjust in cards”. Varric shook his head with a chuckle.

“Justice used to gripe about the game even back when he was in the Wardens and they’d play then. He’d never join in, just watch them and comment” Ari shared.

"I think Anders lost more and more of himself to Justice as the years went on. I don't think he was strong enough to fight back anymore, and Justice just broke him down to his will." Varric stated, wishing he could have realized it when he had the chance, before it was too late.

“Marian,” Ari asked, “You know him best. Should I...” she swallowed the sob that threatened to escape her throat. “try to help him or he he too far gone?”

Marian shook her head. “I won’t lie, he might get a punch in the nose from me if given the chance, but I couldn’t kill him after the Chantry blew up. That hasn’t changed. If you could somehow get rid of Justice, I think that Anders is still in there.”

The four of them stayed up talking into the wee hours. Varric and Hawke helping fill in the blanks for Ari. In between, sharing stories from their years in Kirkwall. Hawke filled her in on their meeting with Stroud, and the Wardens at what occurred at the Western Approach.

“Apparently some how Corypheus is causing all the Wardens in Orlais to hear a fake Calling, causing this mess.” Hawke explained.

“Wait, what was that?” Ari asked, suddenly sitting up straighter, which Cullen picked up on immediately.

“I know he probably shouldn't have told...” Marian started to say.

“No, not that, I don't care about that. You said the Calling, it's fake?” Ari asked, practically crying out.

Marian shook her head and Ari looked at Cullen, with tears in her eyes.

He moved next to her and took her hand is his. “Is that what you were trying to tell me last year?” he asked. Ari nodded and fell into his side crying.

“I'm not dying. It's not real, Cullen.” she sobbed tears of joy as her friend held her close.


	5. Back to the prison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Questions for Anders, and a decision is made by the Hero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably obvious, but anything bold is Justice speaking

Anders heard the door to the prison open, looking up he saw the Commander enter alone. Anders sighed inwardly, staring back to his feet. He knew he shouldn’t be surprised. He had let her down, lost her protection, and now Cullen was here to administer whatever sentence the Warden-Commander had handed down.

**Why do you concern yourself with her rejection? Why do you feel the need for her acceptance? She is unworthy of your time, just as the one you called Hawke was?**

She is… was a friend. I had so few left. Humans need friends, Maybe if we had trusted Hawke more, we wouldn’t have had to run.

The mage was so distracted by arguing with Justice, that he jumped when Ari spoke, not realizing she was even in the hall.

“Anders. I have questions for you, and I need you to answer honestly. If I think you are not telling me the truth, I walk out, and leave you to the Inquisition to decide your fate. Understood?”

He looked up with wet eyes. She was here. She had come back. He would give her anything she asked, if it meant she would not desert him. “Yes, Commander. Anything you wish to know I will tell you.”

She could see the pain in his eyes. She wanted to pull him into a hug, and reassure him he was not alone, but she didn’t trust that she could offer him that promise. Not without answers. Having spoken to Varric and Hawke, she already knew the answers to the questions she would ask, but she had to know if she could trust him. His answers would tell her.

“Can Justice hear me now?” she asked.

“Yes. When I’m in control, he’s still here, hearing, seeing everything go on. When he is, I still can see and hear everything as well.”

“Ok, fine. Anders, understand, I’m asking you these questions, not Justice. I want your honest answers, not what he’s telling you to say. Do you want to be separated from Justice if we could find a way?”

**NO!**

“Yes” _she was asking me, not you!_

“If you could go back, would you find another way to bring about changes to how mages are treated, or would you still incite a war, and blow up the Chantry in Kirkwall?”

**I told you, she does not support the mages. We cannot trust her! You are blinded by your desires for one that is not yours.**

_Again, talking to me, not you! And how can you say that. She helped rescue them in Kinloch Hold. Helped the King give them freedoms in Ferelden._

“I would have found another way. Mages deserve equality, we deserve our freedom, but there could have been other ways to bring that about. I was working on a manifesto. I could have shared that with others, they would have seen the injustices.” Anders answered.

Nodding, Ari looked at him, lips pressed together in a thin line. She was giving no indication of what she might say next, or if she believed he spoke the truth. Was she about to leave him to the mercy of the Inquisition? Based on the look in Cullen’s eyes, Anders was pretty certain if that was the case, he’d not live to see morning.

“Very well. Here are my terms. Not up for negotiation, you take them or not, understood?” She said.

Anders nodded _Anything, just don’t leave me alone. I’m so tired of being alone._

**You are not alone. I am here.**

_Anyone besides you would be better._

“First, I wish to speak with Justice. I want him to hear what I have to say to him and know that I have his attention.” Ari said sounding every bit the Warden-Commander.

The familiar blue glow enveloped the cell as Justice emerged.

**"Commander, you will let us out. Mages still need Justice. That you allow a Templar here proves you are not an ally, there is much..."**

“Shut up. I said I wanted you to HEAR what I have to say, not talk. So listen and only answer when asked Warden.” Ari boomed in her Warden Commander voice.

“ **Yes, Commander** ,” Justice answered.

Cullen was amazed. The spirit seemed to quickly defer to his former commanding officer. He wondered how much power he had over his own men, just with his voice.

“Justice, you will not stay here, you're going back to the Fade.” her tone let him know this was not up for negotiation. “I should have pushed you back to the Fade myself all those years ago. I plan to remedy that now, but I want you to understand why your actions were wrong. You did not choose to attack the Knight-Commander that was abusing the mages. You did not seek out help from Anders' companions. Instead you chose to blow up a building containing innocents. There were families in that Chantry. Children who had never harmed anyone, you murdered them, and used Anders to do so. That is not Justice. That is Vengeance.”

“ **The Chantry was to blame, they needed to pay. Those that supported the Chantry deserved the same fate.** ” Justice argued.

Ari could sense Cullen tensing behind her, but she held up a hand to signal to him to stand down, which he obeyed.

“Justice. I think we can agree, blood magic is wrong, yes?” she asked the sprit.

Justice nodded

“Good. Well I recently discovered that Wardens have been using blood magic to gather a demon army. We can agree this is wrong, and that those that partake in these rituals should be punished. But by your logic, all Wardens should be charged. So Justice, should I be taken out? Should Anders pay for the crimes of others” She looked at him expecting an answer.

The spirit didn't answer right away, as if pondering her question.“ **No Commander. That would not serve Justice.** ”

“Exactly. And that is the point. I am here to help Anders. The minute you blew up that Chantry you lost my protection. You will not interfere with this, and if you do, I will see to it you are just destroyed out right. If you fight, Cullen and other Templars here will smite you. That is all I have to say to you at this time. I will speak with Anders now.” she said dismissing the spirit completely.

Justice looked at her for a few minutes more. He could feel anger, but knew the woman before him enough to know he would not win this battle with her today. The blue faded away, and Anders eyes returned from blue to amber.

“Well, you certainly gave him some things to think about. I don’t think he’s happy with you right now.", Anders replied with a small, playful grin.

“Don’t care” Ari replied. “Now, on to the terms of my aid.”


	6. Terms

Cullen watched as Ari talked with Anders, looking for any sign of Justice. At the same time, he was just looking at the man in the cell. If it wasn’t for the spirit’s appearance yesterday he would have sworn that Ari had taken in the wrong man. Cullen felt like he could have passed right by him on the street, and wouldn’t have recognized him as the man he had been friends with, played cards with and shared ale and laughs with for nearly a decade.

His hair was no longer pulled back into a tail, instead just hanging, often falling in front of his face now. And where there had once been what seemed to be permanent stubble, was now a long blonde beard that was uneven and scrappy looking, probably not much opportunity to have a proper shave on the run, he thought.

But it was more that which made him nearly unrecognizable. Cullen realized while watching them today, that it was Anders’ eyes. They had once shone bright, full of humor, passion not only for the mages, but Cullen suspected, life in general. Gone was the tinge of amusement and mischief. Now, his eyes, they were sunken, as if he hadn’t slept in the last several years. Maybe he hadn’t. And they were now dull, full of sadness, and maybe guilt. That thought made Cullen smile to himself a little. He wanted him to feel guilty, he deserved to feel guilty. What he did was unimaginable, and then he left, leaving Cullen, Hawke and the rest of her group (minus Sebastian) to clean up his mess. What Cullen also noticed was how those eyes followed Ari as she walked. He remembered how upset Anders had been after she had left Kirkwall. At the time he had assumed Anders just missed a friend, but the way the mage was watching her, it was clear to Cullen the affection that Anders felt towards Ari was much deeper than that. He wasn't so sure he liked that, still not trusting Anders, and knowing how vulnerable Ari was right now.

When he spoke yesterday, Cullen also noticed his voice, it was not the voice Cullen thought of when he thought of Anders. Not self assured, not full of humor, not even the warm “healer” voice. Instead it was barely a whisper, and, like his eyes, full of sorrow. Cullen wondered if Anders had opportunity to use it much since the Chantry. He hadn’t really thought of it until now, but had Anders even been around anyone else since Kirkwall, or was he alone all this time. Maker, he did not want to feel sorry for his former friend, but almost three years alone, without anyone to even talk to. Was that possible, and if so, how did her survive. Cullen, who had survived unimaginable torture during the blight, he was not even sure he could have endured that.

*****

“Relax Anders”, she tried giving him a reassuring smile, while still demonstrating that she was the one in control. “I promise anything I have to say isn’t as terrifying as a childer grub.” That at least earned her a small smirk, and his shoulders relaxed some.

“First, Justice you are not to come out around me unless I request you to appear. If you do, Cullen over there smites you again.” she pointed to where the Commander stood. “If you have need to speak to me, you’ll tell Anders, he’ll let me know, and I will _decide_ if you may speak or not.”

“Second condition, Anders, if he starts whispering to you to start blowing things up or harming anyone, you need to tell me. And Justice, if you get any smart ideas about bullying him into silence, if I find out, instead of going back to the Fade, we’re going to just destroy you outright. Your days of pushing Anders around to your will are done.” Anders nodded to show his agreement to this request. He watched her as she walked back and forth as she talked.

“Third, you are under not only my production, but that of the Commander “ she indicated Cullen, who nodded to show his agreement. “If anyone, and I mean anyone at all, harms you or even threatens you harm, you are to tell us immediately. We will do what needs to be done to handle that.”

“Fourth, if there’s any chance to expel Justice to the Fade, the resources are here. There’s an arcanist here I know personally, and 2 mages, Dorian and Vivienne. You will cooperate completely with them and their research to figure out a solution. I suspect you’re going to like Dorian”, she waggled her eyebrows at this to him. He smirked, thinking she clearly had no idea there was only one person in Skyhold who's attention he was interested in.

“Last thing, Justice must continue to call me Warden Commander. ” Ari softened her voice now, dropping the Commander voice as she looked into his eyes and touched his hand that rested on the bars. He could see Cullen tense, but the Commander said nothing. “But Anders, I’d like it if you started calling me Ari.”

“If you can agree to all this. Then in exchange, I will petition for your freedom and a chance to atone. I cannot promise you the outcome, but I will do what I can to help. I’ll speak to King Alistair to request his support as well, as the Senior Grey Warden. So, what do you say?”

Anders just stared at her, with a lump in his throat. He realized she was telling him that not only did she see Justice and Anders as separate people (or spirits as may be), but she was telling him she would protect him, even from Justice. She was telling him that he was not alone. That she cared about him. More amazing, she was saying she was his friend. Friend. He hadn’t had a friend since the day of the Chantry. A year and a half alone, and here she was offering him a chance for life, and friendship.

“Anders?” she asked, he was just staring.

**NO! We do not agree to this, she is manipulating you. She is lying and will turn on you the first chance she gets. She does not support our cause, she does not seek justice for the mages. Do not trust her.**

He nodded, still unable to find his voice. He didn’t know what he ever did to deserve her, but here she was. Just as she had done at Vigil Keep, she was saving his life, once again.

“Justice really does not like your plan.” He finally said.

“I find it amusing he still thinks I care about anything he has to say.” Ari replied. “You’re what’s important now, he is just a spirit in his death throes fighting for air.”

Anders eyes looked down, tears forming at her last words. “Ari... what about the Deep Roads.” He couldn't let her go alone. The Darkspawn would turn her into a Broodmother if she was alone.

Ari took his hand again. “It's a fake Calling. I'm not...” she choked up and couldn't continue. But he understood the meaning behind the words. He closed his eyes thanking the Maker that she would live.


	7. Understanding and Misunderstanding

Walking out of the courtyard from the prison, Ari could sense the friction coming from Cullen. She’d known him long enough to tell the difference between when he was quietly contemplating a military decision, and when he was angry. This was anger. She waited until she got to her quarters to talk to him.

“Just spit it out already”, she said, stopping to look at him. A hand on her waist.

“Are you seriously going to offer him atonement? After what he did? Do you really think he deserves forgiveness?” he knew his voice sounded harsh. He also knew he was louder than he intended, but how could she think this was a good idea. He needed to make her see reason.

“Wow”, she said looking at him wide-eyed. “I thought out of all people, you’d understand the most.”

“What?! Just what am I to understand? Killing innocents in the Chantry? Starting a war? Putting his friends’ lives at risk? What Ari, tell me?” His voice raising more.

“I thought you’d understand the need for forgiveness, Cullen.” She looked at him, feeling a little frustrated that she even had to spell this out for him. “Aren’t you here to atone for your past? I know you’re not proud of your actions in the Circle. You told me how sorry you are for your part in Kirkwall. Tell me, Cullen, when you did those things, were you possessed by a spirit? One that berated you every day, that kept screaming in your ear and pushing you to do those things? Or was that you alone that acted that way?”

“You know the answer to that” he grumbled, still with fire in his eyes. Fighting with someone that knew all your darkest secrets was proving to be not so easy.

“So then, Cullen, why are you deserving of a chance to atone when you acted on your own, but Anders, who was compelled by the literal voice in his head, is not?” She took his hand in hers and softened her tone. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s not without blame here. He chose to take on Justice, and he chose not to reach out to any of his friends for help, but he deserves a chance, just as you do, to set things right. I’m going to do what I can to see he gets that chance. The first step of that is separating him from Justice. And I need to make sure we don’t lose Anders in the process, so I need your help. We need to do anything we can to remind Anders who Anders really is, don’t allow him to get lost to Justice again.”

Cullen stood there watching her. Dammit, she could be so infuriating when she was right, he thought with a chuckle. He wondered if the King or Zevran had ever felt this way after a fight with her that they lost before it even started.

******

Evelyn was discussing with Varric and Hawke plans to head out to an old keep that Hawke’s Warden friend had tracked some others to. Seeing the Hero approached she steeled herself. She realized she needed to ask her to join them, but she really didn’t want to talk to her, especially not after what she had witnessed at breakfast. Clearly Cole had been wrong in his assessment.

She had arrived at breakfast, hoping to see Cullen, planning to use the excuse of planning for the upcoming trip as a reason to talk to him, spend some time alone with him strategizing maybe. Possibly finally getting up the nerve to kiss him. But then she saw them together. They were standing over on one side, smiling and whispering, thick as thieves. She noticed they both kept yawning. She did not want to know what had kept them up so late, but she could imagine. She was feeling jealousy starting to burn back up in her chest. _Come on Evelyn_ , she thought, _you’re not going to just give up without a fight, are you?_

No sooner had she walked up to them, when they both stopped talking, as if caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Cullen immediately looked at Evelyn, blushed, and with a hand at the back of his head, murmured “Inquisitor” before running off to his office. She heard the Hero say something that sounded like “Smooth”, nodding to Evelyn before walking over to Josie who had been trying to get her attention.

When they were first introduced, she wanted them to be friends. Here was a woman she had idolized, heard stories of, and meeting her in person was a dream. Now, she just wanted that blighted Hero gone and as far away from Skyhold as she could get. She only hoped that when the King of Ferelden arrived, it was to take her away with him.


	8. Letter to the Warden Commander

_Nate,_

_I’m at Skyhold, and the Inquisition tells me there’s a false calling that all Wardens are hearing. PLEASE, please tell me you are safe. Please tell me you all are ok?_

_I’ve found Anders. Did you know that he joined with Justice? Please tell me you didn’t have anything to do with that incredibly stupid decision. What happened there after I left? I know the Warden Commander they put in my place was a mess, and that you replaced him. But Anders made it sound really bad, what happened?_

_I’m going to stay here for now, I’m going to try to help Anders. I don’t know if I can, I may be too late. I’m also here for help, I may have finally found the cure. I am hopeful._

_Please write soon, I worry for your safety._

_Ari_

***

_Ri -_

_I think a better start to your letter would have been Nate, I’m ok. I know you’ve been worried sick for almost 3 years, wondering if I was alive or dead, worried you’d never see me again. I’m ok, and you can breathe. Seriously Ri, THAT is what you should have said first. I’m assuming you haven’t even bothered to tell your brother you’re ok, so I’ve taken the liberty of writing him to let him know his infuriating sister is safe._

_Ok, I’m done yelling at you for now, at least until I see you in person. Ri, I’m fine. Don’t you think I’m smart enough to realize that when the new recruits are hearing a calling at the same time those that have been in for 10 years, that something’s up? We’re safe, all of us. Even Oghren, although, while I didn’t think it would be possible, he seems to be drinking more since this started._

_Maker, I had no clue about Anders and Justice. Justice disappeared about a week before Anders did. I promise, if I had known, I would have stopped them from joining. That bloody Warden-Commander, I blame him. First, he pulls in some Templar to follow Anders around, but I think the breaking point was when he took away that damn cat you gave him. I may be a bastard at times, but I never would never take away a man’s pet. The Warden-Commander was cruel to Anders, for no reason I could see. I’m glad you found him. If anyone can help him, it’s you._

_No more business. Back to the personal. Have you written to Eleanor? I know she misses you. She is so much like you were at that age. Of course back then I thought you were annoying as anything and wanted you to stop following Fergus and I around. But now, somehow it’s cute. Then she flashes someone her smile, and it’s pure Zevran. She is going to be a handful in a few years. Do not worry though, between myself, Fergus and King Alistair, no boy will be able to get within 100 yards of her that we don’t feel is acceptable._

_Fergus and I take her hunting when I can get away. I know, ironic since that’s the exact thing you used to cry about us not letting you do at that age. I’ve been teaching her to use a bow. I know you’d want her to know how defend herself, and I thought, since she has your mother’s name, she should learn to use the same weapon she did. She’s a natural, you’d be amazed, Ri._

_When are you coming back to Ferelden? We all miss you. and there’s someone I want you to meet. It’s serious, and I think I may have found the future Lady Howe (I hope you don’t take offense). She’s a Warden as well. She’s from Ferelden too, but had been in the Anderfels for several years. I think you’d like her, I hope you like her. Eleanor adores her._

_I’m so relieved you’re ok, I miss you my dear friend. I pray you haven't been staying away because of the last time you were here. Please come home safely soon. I've enclosed something for Anders. Tell Sparklefingers we are thinking of him!_

_Nate_


	9. Not alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the Kudos everyone <3

“How’s my favorite healer?” Ari smiled, while walking through the door.

“Better, now that I’ve had a real bath. It’s been years since I had one that wasn’t a freezing stream. I suppose I have you to thank for that?” Anders couldn't help but return the grin.

“No, that was my idea. You smelled.” Replied Cullen, with a smirk.

 “Ah, well than thank you Ser.” Anders said with a flowery bow.

 Rolling her eyes, Ari continued “Ok, if you two are done courting, I came down for a reason.”

  **Why are you playing nice with him. He’s a templar. He will make you tranquil the first time she turns her back. He is just waiting to smite you.**

  _No, it’s you he despises. Me, he likes._

 Ari raised an eyebrow letting him know he had been quiet for too long.

 “He’s not too fond of Ser Knight over there,” Anders told her, indicating Cullen with a nod, causing Cullen to snort.

 Ari rolled her eyes again, “As if Justice likes anyone. He’d probably kick a puppy if given the chance. I didn’t come here to talk about Mr. Glow-and-Grumble anyway. I came to let you know I’ll be gone, about 2 weeks on a mission. Seems some Wardens are even worse at behaving than you and Nate. Speaking of which,” she reached out to give a pile of papers to Cullen who in turn handed them to Anders. “I have these for you.”

 Looking down at the papers, Anders could see they were letters. To him. He could make out some from Nate, Ogrhen, Sigrun and several others.

 “I told Nate you were here, he sent those. At least now you’ll have something to keep you out of trouble while I’m gone,” Ari continued with a wink.

 “I….. Thank you, Comm.. Ari. I can’t HOLY MAKER who is that, where’d he come from?” Anders jumped.

 “Cole, didn’t we talk about not just popping in like that.” Cullen said to the spirit who had just appeared. He then looked at Anders, “It’s sort of hard to explain, he’s, well, he’s Cole”.

 “Angry, doesn’t trust them. Happy, friendship was missed, someone to talk to. Missed her smile. DON’T BELIEVE THE TEMPLAR”, Cole starting holding his head rocking. “He’s very hard to listen to. Too many voices, the angry one is loud”

 “Aaaand, he reads your thoughts, so that’s always fun too. You don't want to know what Hawke was thinking about Fenris.” shared Ari. “So be careful when he's around, that’s going to get you into all sorts of trouble with the ladies” she laughed. Anders gave her a soft grin. He hoped Cole would be able to keep from blurting his secret feelings to her. The last thing he needed was a visit from her Crow in the middle of the night.

 “He means well, you get used to it,”Cullen added.

 “You’ll be safe?” Anders asked. “I only have one friend, so you owe it to me to return.”

 “I think you’ll find you have more than that, but I will. If it helps you feel better, Fenris and Hawke are going with me, no force in the world can stand against her, me and the Inquisitor. Those Wardens are who you should worry about.”

 “Hawke?” Anders felt his heart stop. “She’s here, does she know I’m here?”

 “She does.” Shaking her head, “Sorry, I don’t think she’s ready to see you yet. But Varric has asked to see you, if you’re ready for that.”

 Anders shoulders slumped, of course he shouldn’t be surprised. The fact that she had let him live in Kirkwall was more than he could have hoped. And he can only imagine what the dwarf may have to say to him. He nodded his acceptance to Ari.

 “Return soon. Ok?” He asked barley above a whisper.

 “Of course. I’ll see you when I return.” She turned and left with a smile.

 ****

 “Seriously, who thinks, oh let’s do a little blood magic and summon a demon army, that’ll be a good idea”, Hawke grumbled as they walked into Skyhold.

 “I wish I could say this is the first time I’d heard of Wardens using it.” Ari frowned, remembering Soldier’s Peak.

 Just then they heard yelling across the courtyard, “Lady Arainai, Hero!” A scout came running towards them.

 “Serah, the Commander, he asked me to bring you to the cells as soon as you arrived.” the scout explained.

 “Anders”, Ari whispered, looking to Hawke, whose eyes reflected the same concern. Hawke looked at Fenris who told her to go. Forgetting her anger, Hawke followed at Ari’s heels, both making a run for the prison.


	10. Elfroot Stew and an Old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What went on at Skyhold while the Hero, the Champion and the Inquisitor were gone.

**TWO WEEKS PRIOR**

Varric’s first thought as he entered the prison was that if the guard hadn’t pointed the cell out to him, he never would have recognized Blondie. But then, maybe that was the point of his change in appearance. Varric steeled himself. Part of him wanted to run up and hug his old friend and tell him how worried he was for his safety for the last few years. The other half was ready to let Bianca have a “talk” with him so he knew how angry he was for everything that happened those years ago. Mainly angry for how Anders had used Hawke, with a story about a potion that didn’t exist. She was devastated when she had realized the truth, so much so that even her broody elf couldn’t console her. It took months before the old Hawke started to re-emerge.

Varric shook his head, nothing good could come of letting his mind wander down that way. Besides, the author in him was dying to get new tidbits, maybe there was a new book here.

“I come bearing dinner, Blondie” he handed a bowl to the guard to hand to Anders, “Better than the nug-shit we ate at the Hanged Man.”

“Varric!”, Anders eyes lit up upon looking at his old friend. “I’ve missed you and your chest hair!”

“Well that’d be your own damn fault!” Varric grunted, then immediately held his hand up to shake it off. “Sorry, that’ll be the only one. I didn’t come down here to yell at you, no matter how deserving. I came to share a meal with an old friend, and maybe share a story.”

“Thanks,” the mage replied, much quieter than before. He took his bowl to a small table in his cell and sat down to eat after turning it to face where Varric sat with his own bowl.

“Whose your new Templar friend?” Anders asked

“Messer Anders,” The young man replied, “The lady told me I should tell you my story, that it would put your mind at ease about me.”

“You’re a Templar, so I really doubt anything you said would put me at ease”, Anders grumbled back.

“I… Ser. I may disagree with you blowing up a Chantry, but I have no issue with the message behind it, Messer Anders.”

**TRAP! The templar is just fishing for information to use. We should break his neck, stop him now!**

Anders rubbed the bridge of his nose, there was no point arguing with Justice when it came to things like this.

“I think you better start talking faster, kid, or things may start getting all blue and angry around here.” Varric explained to the Templar recognizing that Anders was having an internal debate.

“Oh, oh! Um, Ser, my name is Riley. My sister was a mage, in a circle in the Free Marches.” the young man explained.

“Was?” asked Anders. The use of past tense not lost on him.

“Yes Ser, she was attacked at the circle by a Templar. Raped, the injuries were sever, she died from them. It was because of that I joined the order. I couldn’t save my sister, but I thought, if I became a Templar, maybe I could protect the mages from others like the one that attacked my sister. Maybe I could keep someone else’s sister or brother safe. The Hero, she said I’d be the right Templar to help be on guard here.”

Anders chuckled, then looked up at Varric. “Amazing. She manages to find the one Templar even Justice can’t hate.” He shook his head.

Taking a bite of his stew, Anders was suddenly transported back to his childhood. He could almost hear his mother’s voice, smell the smells of their home. He hadn’t had Elfroot stew since his Nameday years ago in Vigils Keep. The Warden Commander had taken it upon herself that every Warden’s Nameday would be celebrated. She had felt it was important that each recruit felt some part of home still. So she’d somehow find their favorite meal, and it would be served on their Nameday. Anders still had no idea how she had found out about Elfroot stew, but when she had surprised him with it then, he nearly fell over. Not since being pulled from his mother’s arms to be dragged to the circle had anyone shown him as much kindness as the Warden-Commander and his fellow Wardens had save one friend in the Circle. She had died with the Circle fell, long gone now. For a short time, Vigils Keep was home. That all changed after Ari left, but right now, eating the stew again, all the camaraderie and happiness of that time, came back to him. That thought was as warm as the meal itself. The only other time he had felt that since was sitting around Varric's table or Hawke's home in Kirkwall.

He peeked up to see that Varric was watching him intently. “She said you’d like that. Guess she wasn’t wrong.”

“Ari? I can’t believe she’d remember”, he said with a small smile. “My mother used to make this, it was my favorite dish when I was a child. It’s been a long time since I’ve had this. Thank you.”

The two friends ate together, the first time doing so in years. Throughout the meal, Varric shared stories, catching him up on what everyone was up to now. Isabella and Merrill were off sailing the seas together, Aveline and Donnic were expecting a child within a month. Varric didn't say too much about Hawke, just that she and Fenris were married now, and were helping the Inquisition. Knowing Hawke had been in Skyhold and had yet to come see him hurt, but he undertood. He wondered if she’d ever speak to him again.

By the time Varric took the empty bowls and left, Anders was ready for a good night’s sleep. His belly was full from the stew, and his heart full from reconnecting with the dwarf, as well as the happy memories the meal and the conversation had evoked. For the first time in years, Anders had a peaceful night free of nightmares.

***

“Did the muffin do something unjust? I promise it won’t attack you, Anders”, Cullen questioned, with humor in his voice. Cullen had just handed it to him for breakfast.

“I’m just trying to figure out why you’d bring me this. Is this to let me know I should expect to go back to the circle? I will die before that happens. You should know that” Anders growled still glaring at the muffin.

“No, no” Cullen waved his hands in front of him to show that there was no ill meaning. “I just remembered that in Ferelden the only time you actually were happy in the circle was when they served these. I thought I’d take a cue from Ari and bring you something to eat you might remember fondly. No offense was meant”

Anders let his shoulders settle, this was an act of friendship. Since arriving here, except for the smite when Justice appeared, the Commander hadn’t done anything to indicate ill will towards Anders, and yet the first time the two were alone, Anders lashed out at him. “No, the fault is mine. Sorry, I guess I’m just not good at normal interactions with, you know, real people.” Seeing that Cullen appeared to be sitting down to look over reports, Anders wondered why he was here. “Did you come to babysit? I can tell you I'm really not going to be going anywhere.”

Cullen chuckled, “No, Ari suggested that you have company whenever possible. She was concerned that too much time alone would lead to glowing and smashing and bad words – uh, those was her words, not mine.” he blushed and continued. “She thought you having some things that were just Anders and not Justice and Anders would help.”

“By suggested, you mean she yelled?”

“I mean she reminded me that I maybe should rethink what I thought should happen to you. That things aren’t always so black and white, and that you and I had been friends for a long time. ” He added, with a smirk “She just said it very loudly.”

Anders shook his head, “Well, at least she didn’t punch you.”

The two men spent the next few hours mostly in silence, but both attempted small talk a few times. It was clear they both were still awkward around each other, but the animosity that had been there seemed to be gone. It wasn’t the old friendship, but it was hope for something more. Hope. There that word was again. Anders reflected on how much that word was coming up in his thoughts in the past several weeks. An idea that was all but lost to him until recently.

Anders spent some of the time reading the letters Nate had sent. His old friends kept their letters light, not mentioning the events at Kirkwall – something Anders wondered if they had been ordered to leave out. Nate did ask about Justice, and also about the Calling. Anders hadn’t been hearing it, but he assumed that somehow Justice was blocking it.


	11. Something Old, Something New

Sometime after lunch a dwarf and two mages appeared. Cullen introduced them as the Arcanist, Dagna, and the mages as Dorian and Vivienne. The day was spent answering questions about how he and Justice joined, having blood drawn, thoughts about how to best separate them, and a few comments from Dorian about Anders needing some help in fashion. He couldn’t be sure, but it also seemed like Dorian might be flirting with him. Well, Ari did say Dorian reminded her of a young Anders he thought to himself. He also thought just how much Fenris would be angered to have a Tevinter mage around. He wondered if they had met, but seeing as how Dorian was still alive, he assumed not.

This ritual repeated itself for several days. The mages thought they may be onto something. Dorian had found something in the library from ancient Tevinter about reversing demonic possessions. Dagna believed that with some slight modifications, it might work. Dagna also seemed excited about something having to do with his blood and a task from the Hero, but she wouldn’t give details on what exactly it was.

About a week into their experiments, as they were leaving Dorian handed Anders a package. “Ari asked me to get some new robes for you. She could tell from my obvious fashion sense I’d be the right person to the task. There’s also something there from her that she had the tailor work on for you.”

Anders nodded, taking the package. After they left he opened it. The robes were stunning. Dorian appeared to get the size about right. They were not his usual brown that he had taken to wearing. Instead these robes were blue and grey, with some black trim, and gold belts. Changing in to them, Anders felt more at ease. They were not only nice looking, they were comfortable. His old robes that he’d had since Kirkwall had become torn, musty and no longer warm.

Looking at the wrapped item from the Hero, Anders picked up the note attached first.

_Anders,_

_I couldn’t believe it when Hawke showed me she had this. I’m not sure how it wound up in her possession, but I knew you’d want it back. I hope you don’t mind I first sent it to a tailor to fix some tears in it._

_-Ari_

Anders opened the wrapping, and his hands froze. Inside was his most prized possession, something he never thought to see again. It was a simple, small embroidered pillow. The one thing from his mother he was able to keep hidden all those years in the Circle. He hadn't seen it since he fled Kirkwall. When he discovered it was missing from his pack he cried for two days straight, certain it was gone for good. He certainly never thought it would be back in his hands again. His fingers shook as they traced over the embroidery, tears filling his eyes. Of everything she had given him, the stew, friends, hope, this here, this tiny pillow torn and tattered from decades of travel, this was the biggest kindness she could have shown.

**You are a fool. She gives you an old pillow and you mistake it for affection? You cannot afford it. This is all a trick, so that she can turn on you. Her elf will gut you if you keep on this path.**

_Why would she be trying to trick me? I’m already in a cell, if they wanted to do something to me, they already could. What advantage would there be to this?_

**She just wishes you to push me out. She is using these fake gestures to win you over. Then when I’m not there to protect you, she will turn.**

_Paranoid much? I think I’ve sacrificed enough. Shout all you want, but I’m not pushing someone else away for your agenda. I’ve been alone enough._

**Ari does not ca…**

_You’re supposed to call her Warden-Commander. I get to call her Ari._

Justice remained quiet after that. It had been the first time in 3 years that Anders had stood up to him and pushed back. He surprised himself that he had the strength to do that. Anders held the pillow to his chest, and curled up on his cot to sleep. When he woke the next day, that pillow was still tight in his arms.


	12. He's Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos so much. And BaconHussy, you win the prize for my favorite user name!!!  
> It means a lot that others are enjoying something I started writing just for myself.

The Hero and the Champion rushed into the prison, they were barely in the door before Cullen grabbed their arms to stop them from going farther in. Both immediately tried to break his grip. Cullen rolled his eyes, either one of them alone was a handful, but the two of them… Andraste help him if he had to deal with calming them both down.

“Cullen, tell us what’s going on, our you’re going to have to figure out how to fight two rogues at once.” Ari glared at him.

“Calm down, both of you. Just stop. Ow, did you just kick me.” _Seriously_? He thought. _Marian kicked him, these two were going to be the death of him._

“Talk faster Curly. Or I kick again” Hawke threatened.

“They figured out how to get Justice back to the fade. Dorian and Vivienne cast the spell 2 days ago.” He said, still holding both of their arms.

“So it worked?” asked Ari, starting to consider kicking as well if the infuriating Commander didn’t get to the point soon.

“Yes, and from what we can tell, it worked. Cole can’t hear Justice anymore.” Cullen answered.

“What do you mean ‘from what you can tell’? Why don’t you just ask Anders?”, Hawke asked, with her eyebrow quirked.

“He didn’t awake from the spell. He’s alive, but we haven’t been able to revive him.” Cullen explained, finally releasing their arms as they both stopped struggling.

After the shock of the news had passed, they each took a few minutes to look in on Anders. Each begging him to open his eyes, each saying a silent prayer to the maker to not take another person they cared about from them. ****

_The Warden had just sat down in front of the fire to check on the nug that was cooking. With sunset having been an hour earlier, Ari kept closer to the fire for light. She heard a twig snap, daggers in hand immediately. There were 3 bandits, apparently thinking finding a small female alone that she’d be an easy target. It was times like this, Ari wished she could just wear a sign that said “I fought an Archdemon, you don’t scare me.”. Better to end this now, before the nug burns, she thought to herself._

_Performing a stealth, she was able to get behind one bandit and slit his throat before he even registered she was there. The next bandit came at her, too bad for him she had been practicing dueling since she was 16. The duel only lasted a few minutes before he made a mistake, and she was able to slice the tendon on his right arm. That slice caused him to lose enough focus that the Warden was able to get behind him and perform a backstab. Now for the final one, where’d he get off to?_

_Ari circled, keeping her back to the fire, listening as closely as she could for any sign of where the final bandit was. Suddenly she was being pushed back into a tree. This bandit was much larger than her, and from the look on his face, he was after more than coin. He had her arms pinned to her side. Ari struggled, trying to get to a blade by her leg, the sneering man moved closer, pressing her between him and the tree. His breath hot on her ear. Suddenly he started shaking violently and then fell over, dead. Well, that was convenient, Ari thought to herself._

_She looked up, not a cloud in the sky, so the lightning wasn’t from a storm. Then she could sense it, that pull from the taint that indicated another Warden was around. Moving back to the fire she called out, “Thank you. You can come out Warden. I’m no enemy of mages so you’re safe.”_

_Silence answered her, “I have enough nug for two, join me for dinner at least?”_

_A tall figure stepped out of the shadows, covered in a cloak. He or she just saved your life, calm down, you’re safe, I hope… Ari thought, trying to calm herself. When the mage lowered the cloak, that anxiety turned to a combination of anger and relief._

“ _I’ve had your roasted nug before, Warden Commander, not sure if that’s a threat or an offer of friendship.”, he joked. “OOF”_

_Anders looked up at the Warden-Commander shaking out her fist, rubbing it. His nose throbbed. Broken most likely, she had punched so fast, he didn’t have time to react._

“ _I taught ew sed it was sefe” he replied_

“ _Just heal your nose already, Anders”, Ari rolled her eyes at him, holding out her hand to help him up._

_As soon as his nose was healed, she pulled him into a hug. “I am so angry at you, but I missed you, you ass.” She laughed_

_Anders stood still for a second, it had been years since any human contact, it was odd at first, but he quickly caught up and returned the hug. “It’s good to see you too, Commander. What are you doing out here alone? Where is Zevran?”_

_Ari gave him an odd look, and then moved towards the fire. “Come on, dinner will burn if we don’t pull it off the fire now.”_

_Anders quirked an eyebrow, but followed._

***

Anders opened his eyes. There was a weight pushing next to his hip. Still lying down he looked around, he could tell he was in his cell. He remembered that there was a spell, Justice, that’s right. He searched his mind, he couldn’t hear Justice at all. Strange as it may seem, he realized suddenly it seemed very quiet and a little lonely in his head. A moment later there was a Tevinter mage standing over his face.


	13. Anders Awakens

“Well hello. About time you decided to rejoin us. Much longer and those robes would be out of fashion.” Dorian commented.

“How long have I been asleep?” Anders asked. _And what’s that weight_ , he thought. “Did it work?”

“Do you doubt my abilities? You’ve been out about 5 days,” Dorian replied. Then, pointing to Anders side, where he could now see a spot of red hair on a head asleep sitting next to the cot, that weight was the top of her head pushing against him. “She’s been here 3 days, hasn’t left your side. You seem to have a monopoly on red head admirers. Hawke was down here too several times before she had to leave.” Dorian smiled to Anders. “Cole said that Justice is gone. Do you still feel him around in there,” Dorian asked, putting a finger on Anders’ forehead.

Anders shook his head, “No, it’s very quiet. Except some song that seems there, quiet, but still there.”

“Yeah, the Hero said that might happen. She’ll have to fill you in on that herself,” Dorian sounded pleased, “I’ll give you some time, I’ll be back to check on you in a little bit.”

Anders reached down and brushed the hair off Ari’s face gently after Dorian left. “Time to wake up, sweetheart”, he whispered. He almost didn’t want to wake her, enjoying the feel of her nearby.

Her green eyes blinked open, seeming to focus as his hand stopped on her cheek. Anders thought to himself that in all his years, he hadn’t seen a more beautiful sight. A bright smile came across her face, “Hey” she said softly. “You’re back.” as she sat up.

Pulling himself up to a sitting position, he was nearly knocked over when she threw her arms around him, her nose pressed into his neck. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.” She said in a voice that sounded dangerously like a sob.

“Is that an order, Commander?” Anders asked with a smile, returning the hug.

“Yes. And it's Ari.” she answered, still wrapped around him.

“Alright, as long as you promise not to break my nose again”, he answered with a laugh. He liked how she felt in his arms. _Really Anders_ , he scolded himself, _the first woman to show you kindness in years and you turn it into something more. She’s the Hero of Ferelden, she’s has no interest in a relationship with the most wanted criminal in Thedas. Stop acting like the letch you used to be. You still don't know the truth about Zevran. You're just setting yourself up for pain again._

“I said I was sorry, and in my defense, you DID start a war.” She giggled. “Is it just you now?”

“Just me” he said softly, deepening the hug.

“Good”, she replied, reluctantly pulling from the hug to return to her chair.

They talked for the next hour, Ari filling him in on the trip to the ancient keep, and the fight with the Wardens and demons. She explained about that the song he was hearing was the fake calling, the same one she'd been hearing all this time.

He asked about Hawke, but Ari let him know she had left with Fenris on a mission, but that Hawke had been down to the cell to check on him several times before she left. Ari tried to reassure Anders that from what she could tell, it wouldn’t be long before Hawke was ready to talk to him.

When Cullen entered carrying food for Anders, Ari stood up to leave. Anders arms felt empty the second she pulled away. “I’ll come back tonight”, she said, standing to stretch, stiff from having slept in a chair for 3 days. “You boys play nice” she playfully scolded them.

Anders and Cullen ate lunch in silence for a few minutes. In the last few weeks they had slowly rekindled a friendship, often having lunch together now.

Anders took a breath and asked the question he'd been wondering about for a while now, “Cullen, there’s something bothering me, that Ari won’t talk about. I've asked her a few times, and she still won’t tell me, and she got weird when I asked her on the road. Where’s Zevran? Why was she traveling without her him if he's not with Eleanor?”

Cullen dropped his sandwich and looked at Anders slightly horrified. How could Anders not know? The attack had been while both men were still in Kirkwall. He just assumed she would have let others know at the same time she had written him asking him to come to Denerim for the funeral. He realized looking back, that this was probably the same time that the mage must have been busy plotting with Justice to blow up the Chantry, probably no time to pay attention to current events then. He looked down, sighed, and then brought Anders up to speed with the events of the last three years when it came to Ari.


	14. Missing Him

Ari didn’t make it as far as her room before the Ambassador found her.

“Lady Arainai, we have word that King Alistair will be arriving tomorrow. I understand you are close with him. Is there anything we should have prepared to make sure he’s comfortable?” Josephine asked, pen in hand.

“Well, however much cheese you have, it’s not enough”, Ari replied with a smile.

Josephine got a look of panic on her face and ran off towards the kitchen.

“Ok, so no more joking with the Ambassador. Noted”, she laughed to herself. She hoped this wouldn’t be yet one more thing the Inquisitor glared at her for. She had no idea what she had done specifically to annoy Evelyn, but clearly there was some slight she missed. She shook her head, she knew as a noble she should be better at diplomacy, but that seemed like a lifetime ago. Short of her name, she felt little connection to the Arianna Cousland of her youth.

The news that Alistair was coming filled her with excitement. He had become a surrogate brother to her during the Blight, and that hadn’t changed any in the 12 years since. She could hardly wait until he arrived. To everyone else he was the King of Ferelden, who ruled with kindness, but strength. To her, he was a confidant, someone who could often reduce her to giggles with just a look. There was no one she trusted more, and that he took in Eleanor without a second’s hesitation, well, she just couldn’t ask for a better, more loyal friend. She prayed he was as happy to see her tomorrow, but she feared that when he arrived it would be with disappointment, perhaps even telling her how wrong she was to leave her daughter behind. Maybe scolding her for how many years she'd been gone.

Arriving at her room, she found a note from Hawke. She laughed upon reading it, the two had become close over this last trip, and she found they both had the same sharp sense of humor, and quick temper.

_Ari,_

_~~Tell Anders he better be awake before I get back if he knows what’s good for him.~~ _

_Just tell him I hope he’s ok. I’ll stop in to see him when we return._

_Marian_

Ari climbed into the hot bath that was in her room when she got there. She sighed as she sank in, the heat was exactly what her achy muscles needed. Her mind started to wander to earlier in the day, how happy she was when she saw Anders had woken up. That hug, Maker, it felt so good to be in his arms. If felt safe. She hadn’t felt like that since….

She looked at the ring on her right hand, that had at one time been on her other hand for years, a ring that held a promise of a lifetime. _Zev_ , she thought, _I miss you so much. Would you be disappointed in what I’ve been doing? Why did you have to die?_

Tears started falling down her cheeks while she sobbed quietly. Her chest felt tight, pain where her heart should be, but she was sure it left long ago from lack of use. She let her head fall back against the edge of the tub. She probably shouldn’t be thinking of another man. Was doing so being disloyal to him? She chuckled a little through the tears thinking Zev would be just as likely to invite Anders into their bed as he was to be jealous.

She was even more grateful now that Alistair was coming tomorrow. She could talk to him, he’d know just what to say, what she should do. She knew Fergus tried to help her after Zevran died, but she always felt bad reaching out to him. She felt like she had no right to lean on him when he had lost his wife and son so horribly. How could she compare to that pain, she at least still had Eleanor, and Zevran wasn’t murdered in his sleep, he died fighting to protect them.

Pulling herself out of the tub, while she dried off she straightened her shoulders. _Pull it together Ari. When you leave these doors, you’re the Hero, you need to act like it. Don’t let them see you sweat. Ali will be here tomorrow, you can lose it then._


	15. A New Lady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Fandora, I fixed the "Next Chapter" button, haha!

Once dressed, Ari sat down to write a few notes.

_Nate,_

_We were successful. Justice is back in the fade as best I can tell._

_Vigils Keep needs to be locked down. We found some of the missing Wardens. They were using blood magic to summon a demon army. Don’t trust anyone you don’t know coming to the keep unless the King or I let you know they’re coming first. Keep the Wardens safe. If support is needed to reinforce the Keep, let me know, I will be here for some time and can arrange for Inquisition forces to be sent._

_Sorry for all the worry. I don’t know when I’ll be back in Ferelden, but it’ll be as soon as I can. I can’t wait to meet this lady friend of yours, so that I can delight her with stories of your misspent youth! Seriously though, you deserve happiness, I am happy to hear you have found it._

_Thank you for being there for Eleanor when I haven’t been able to. Thank you also for making sure she can protect herself. I know she deserves a mother that is better than me, knowing you, and Fergus and the King are there for her means so much._

_Ri_

***

Upon leaving her room, Ari handed the guard her note for Nate and another for Dagna, letting her know that she and the King would stop down to see her tomorrow. Hopefully Dagna would have good news.

The next stop was to watch over troop training. She had promised Cullen to give him a report on where she felt they could make improvements. He told her he’d like a rogue’s view on where they could make changes. Overall, she was impressed with what she saw, Cullen clearly trained his men well, but the fact that she was able to cause so much damage when she arrived, made the Commander feel there was a hole in their training. She noticed one recruit was leaving himself open, relying too much on his shield. She showed him a few moves, how to use his sword to block and cut back on side attacks. She remembered training with Fergus in her youth, who’d know that someday those childhood games would come in handy to help the Inquisition army protect Thedas.

The down side to training the new guys, was they often were clumsy. It was something she forgot until she was hit with a shield on her dagger hand instead of the sword she expected. It was a practice shield, and in slow motion as she was showing him a move, but it stung just the same. She looked at the back of her hand. That would definitely leave a bruise. She looked up with a grin though, not wanting to discourage the young man, who looked all of 17, and absolutely terrified that he had injured her.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said shaking it off. “If you’re in battle, you’re going to do worse than that to the other guy, so don’t let a simple bruise worry you. If anything, I should be the one embarrassed; I have 12 years of fighting experience.” She winked at him, and moved back into a defensive stance, knowing the best way to get him back into the right mindset was to keep going.

****

Anders watched as servants entered his cell with a table, and chairs. Another carrying food that he placed at the table, they then all exited. With Justice gone, he figured he was now being considered less of a threat, now that others were entering the cell. From what he could see, dinner was steak, potato, carrots. He could also see some tiny cakes for dessert, and what looked like a bowl of cream.

Ari entered causing him to smile instantly. She was wearing a simple purple dress with long sleeves and a ruffled neckline, that seemed to accentuate her curves. The dress made her eyes seem even greener than usual. Anders gulped. The Anders of 11 years ago probably would have something smooth to say, something charming that would have had her out of that dress before dinner cooled. The Anders of now, he was definitely out of practice. He realized he was staring too long and looked away.

“Definitely an improvement over my lunch companion” he said with what he was hoping was a charming smile, and not creepy. If the blush on her cheeks was any indication, he did fine he told himself.

She held out a box he hadn’t noticed she was holding. “So, I didn’t intend to bring you a gift. I didn’t want you thinking you’re getting gifts for being captured,” she teased. “But, we found this in the courtyard, and it needed a home.”

Anders raised an eyebrow in curiosity, but took the box, which he noticed was weighted on one side. Opening it, he smiled immediately. Inside was a gray striped kitten who looked up at him and mewed. _Well now the cream makes sense_ , he thought.

Pulling the kitten out, he held it up to get a better look. He could tell it was a she. Smiling he took the bowl, placing it on the floor next to the table, and putting the kitten down, who quickly took to the cream. “It’s like Vigils Keep all over again,” he smirked. “First you save my life, now you give me a cat.”

Ari giggled, “I promise, I wasn’t trying to recreate history. I especially am hoping to avoid having to fight the Mother again! So, what’s the name?” she nodded to the cat.

Anders looked at his new pet for a minute and then announced, “Lady Tigerly of Skyhold”

Ari cocked her head. “There’s something seriously wrong with you, you know that, right” she said with a laugh.

“It’s very rude to insult a Lady in her own home, didn’t your mother teach you that. You’re lucky the Lady is very forgiving.” Anders replied teasingly, while pulling out the chair for her to sit.

Ari shook her head with a smile, and started in on her dinner after he sat down.

“If it meant meals like this, and the company of an old friend, I might have gotten myself taken in long ago.” Anders said, taking a bite of potato.

 _Maker, is he flirting with me_ , Ari thought. Blushing a little, she was still unsure if this was a good thing or not. Then she reminded herself, this was Anders. If it moved, he flirted with it. Even with poor Nate once, she smiled, remembering the growl that got from Nate at the time. _Don’t read too much into it_ , she reminded herself. _You just happen to be the only female around._

“I hadn’t had a chance to thank you for finding my pillow.” He smiled. “You have no idea what it means to me. I couldn't find it after I fled Kirkwall. I thought for it was gone for good. It's.... It's all I have from my mother.”

“I understand more than you think,” she answered, reaching for his hand to comfort him. “Fergus and I may have gotten our family home back, but Howe destroyed everything. We lost so much of our family possessions. This ring of my mother's is one of the few things I have left of them.” She said indicating the ring on her right hand.

Anders looked at the ring, and that’s when he noticed the bruise on her hand. “Andraste’s knickers, Ari. What happened?” He coverd her hand in both of his starting to heal it with his magic.

“It’s fine, just an over eager new recruit training today.” She watched as the bruise healed. “Thank you” she replied, not pulling her hand back right away.

“Good thing you have a healer at the ready then”, he smirked at her with a wink as he ran a thumb along the back of her hand. Well maybe he hadn’t lost some of his touch after all, he thought, noticing her blush for the third time that night.

They enjoyed the rest of their meal, including playing with the kitten with some string they found. Lady Tigerly fell asleep in Anders lap, purring away. Ari let him know that King Alistair was coming the next day, so she was not sure when she’d be able to be free, but she promised to return for dinner again. She also promised to talk to the King, to see if he’d be willing to make a statement to the Inquisition in his defense. No word had come yet on when the trial would be, but she reassured him that she would make sure he was never alone for long in the prison, worried what might happen to him if left alone with his thoughts too long.


	16. Nightmares

A woman’s scream woke her from her sleep. Ari opened her eyes, she was in her room in Highever. She heard Oren cry out, and then the clatter of armor. Springing from her bed she rushed to open the door, looking to get across the hall where her nephew was probably having a nightmare. As she swung the door open, a soldier pushed her back into the room.

Ari awoke with a jolt and looked around. It took her a moment to realize she was in her room in Skyhold. She put her face in her hands as she sat on the edge of the bed. This nightmare was nothing new, but not one she’d had for years. Not until the fake calling had started. Looking at the window, she could see that it was nearly dawn, and decided maybe some fresh air would help, maybe a few whacks at a practice dummy.

When she got to the practice area she was surprised to find Cullen already there, hogging the dummies she thought with a snort. “Just keeping in shape, or are you still having nightmares too?” she asked him.

He turned, and seeing it was Ari, he nodded. “They’ve become worse since I stopped taking the lyrium. Why are you up so early?” he looked with concern.

“Highever again,” she answered, knowing he’d understand what she meant. Shrugging, she continued, “I guess we had the same idea. Mind if I spar with you?” she asked, grabbing a practice dagger when he nodded.

They sparred, circling each other, watching the other for an opening. Both weree getting in a few hits and working through the aggression they were feeling from their respective nightmares as the two friends fought as if bitter enemies. While the horrors of their past still haunted them, it had been what had started their friendship, building from shared pain into genuine affection for each other. While sparring they talked, well, mainly Cullen talked, and mainly about a certain female that had caught his attention.

After about an hour, both started to tire from their sparring, sweat pouring from them, and both felt that the anxiety had passed. Putting down their weapons, Cullen handed a towel to her to dry off, when he looked up he noticed the Inquisitor headed their way. She gave Ari what could best be described as a smile that really said “I’d scratch your face if I thought the Ambassador would let me get away with it.”. When the Inquisitor turned to look at Cullen, Ari could see her smile turn to a genuine one. “Commander, there’s going to be a council meeting in 15 minutes.” Evelyn said, looking at Cullen, as if Ari wasn’t even there.

Cullen looked down, rubbing the back of his neck, a tell Ari knew enough to know it meant he was nervous. “Sure sure. I’ll just go get cleaned up and meet you there.” he then turned, looking directly at Ari, “Ari, thanks for the workout. See you later on to review that report”, when she nodded he walked at a fast pace to his tower.

Ari looked over in time to see the Inquisitor looking at her turning a sneer back to that diplomatic smile. Ari shook her head, _that stupid man_. He can command a whole army, but faced with actually having a normal conversation with this woman glaring at her, he became tongue tied. Well, at least now she knew what Evelyn’s problem with her was. Now she just had to find a way to set the record straight. When the woman was looking at her with such disdain was probably not the best time.

“Evelyn,” she said with a soft smile, nodding her head while walking off towards her own quarters. She’d need to get cleaned up before the King arrived, or he’d be sure to make comments of her smelling like a mabari.


	17. The King Arrives

The Hero walked through the hallway, carrying a tray of cheese. What better way to say `I’ve missed you and I’m sorry you had to become a father overnight because I had to leave to search for a cure for the calling’ than a tray of assorted cheese, she thought.

Arriving at the door, she was blocked by a guard who seemed to have no desire to let her pass. She matched her stance each time she tried to pass him. _Do not punch the royal guard, do not punch the royal guard_ , she repeated to herself. She put on her best smile and softened her voice, “Seriously, I hate that I am about to say this, but do you have any idea who I am?” _Maker_ , she thought, _now I want to punch myself in the face for having ever uttered that phrase._

“I don’t care if you were the bloody Hero of Ferelden,” he said. “The captain made it clear, no one is to disturb his majesty.”

Ari chuckled to herself. The guard, oblivious to the irony of his statement, just stared at her. “Really?” she asked. “Even though I come BARING CHEESE” she yelled loudly.

“Andraste’s ass, let the spoiled noble in will you. She's making a scene”, came the King’s voice from the room.

Ari waved to the guard, and on her way in as he stepped aside “You really may want to ask around about who I am, I’m pretty impressive.” she winked at him.

“I brought cheese for the Royal Bastard” she called out laughing as soon as she saw him. He looked every bit the King, and just as solid, and strong as he did during the blight. His hair was now longer, and a trimmed beard making him look dignified, while just as handsome, if not more so than he had been at nineteen.

“You will not speak to his Majesty that way. Your Royal highness, she should be locked up for her impertinence. She hasn’t even bowed.” Rylock complained. Ari rolled her eyes immediately. There was no love lost between them.

Many people mistook the King for being stupid. Something he sometimes took advantage of, as a way to get others to speak freer in from of him, sometimes as a way to create diplomacy. He was by no means dumb, not only having learned much at the Chantry in his youth, but proving a quick study in all the skills he needed as a leader. Ari could forgive those that didn’t know any better, but when it was someone around him day in and out that treated him that way, that was a different story as far as Ari was concerned. It was one of the many reasons that she and Eamon did not get along.

“You forget yourself, Guard-Commander Rylock”, the King said sternly. “Lady Arianna is my sister in every way that is important, and you will treat her with the respect she’s earned as Hero. Leave us.”

Rylock huffed as she passed, Ari sticking her tongue out at her as she did. Ari barely had time to turn around before she found herself being lifted in the air by a pair of strong arms giving her a squeeze. “Maker I missed you” Alistair laughed, putting her back down. “Ooo, cheese. You know how to spoil me.” he grinned as he began eating the morsels from the tray, instantly reminding her of that 19 year old she first met at Ostagar.

Ari laughed, she had missed her friend. She instantly felt relaxed now that it was just them. She wasn’t Lady Arianna, she wasn’t the Hero or Warden Commander. Here she was just Ari. Watching him sneak smiles at her while he enjoyed the cheese she realized she was foolish for ever worrying there'd be any tension between them.

“Sorry about the guard” he said between bites of cheese. “You didn’t punch him, did you?”

She chuckled, “No, I played nice. Why do you keep her around? Do you miss Morrigan that much?”

Alistair shivered, “Eww, no, not even a little. So, any news on your research?” he sat down in his chair offering her something from the tray. Ari took a piece of cheese and a cracker and sat on the desk near him.

“Not sure yet. Do you remember Dagna from Orzammar?” continuing when he nodded, “She’s their arcanist. She has something to share with us. I told her we’d meet this afternoon. I was hoping we could have lunch after, I have something I need to talk to you about.”

“For you, I’ll make the time.” He said with a smile. “ The palace isn’t as fun without you there you know. Eamon starts thinking he’s in charge without you there to glare at him.” He pointed at her face when he mentioned the Arl's name, “Yeah, like that.”

Ari looked down at her feet “Does she hate me?” she asked

“Probably, I mean you still won’t let her take Anders in, it’s like you’re keeping her favorite toy from her. OH, do you think _that's_ why she wants to get her hands on him so bad?” he smirked.

“Not Rylock,” she replied, giving him a playful smack on his chest, knowing he was teasing her. “Eleanor. Does she hate me for leaving, Ali?”

“What? Of course not” Alistair answered shocked. “Why in Andraste would you think I’d ever let that happen? Just the opposite. I tell her stories about you and Zevran every night before bed. She knows all our adventures from the blight – edited of course. Highly edited when it comes to stories of her father.” He chuckled. “Her favorite story is when we took down the high dragon. Of course I come out sounding much better in that story than in real life.”

“Do you hate me for leaving?” she asked still looking at her shoes.

Alistair stood up and pulled her into another hug, “Stupid noble, of course not. You left to find a cure, so that you’d have more time with her. I know that, she knows that. I’m just astounded you left her in my care. Didn’t you know I’m the idiot King?”

Ari, settled into the hug, Ali always knew just what to say. After Zevran died, it was he that arranged the funeral, he that helped her find herself again. What happened at Ostagar was awful, but she got the world’s best friend out of it, so it was worth all the heartache as far as she was concerned.

“If you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself.” He said looking down out of the corner of his eye to see if she’d register what he just said.

Ari shot up, “She’s here?” she cried out.

Alistair nodded. “You didn’t think I’d come out here without her did you? When I made the mistake of going to Kirkwall and not taking her so she could see Fenris, I got the cold shoulder for a week. I’m not about to see how angry a 10 year old can get if she found out you were here and she wasn’t” he smiled at her. “She’s in the garden playing with some other kids. Come on,” he took her hand and placing it in the crook of his arm, “let’s go find your little girl.”


	18. Princesa

On the way out the door of the meeting room, the King stopped to address his guard. “Ser Parker.”

“Your Majesty”, the guard replied with a salute.

“Ser, while I appreciate you following orders, from now on, regardless of what orders Commander Rylock or anyone else gives you, the Lady Arainai here,” Alistair patted her hand on his arm at her name, “has permission to disturb me at any point. Understood?”

The guard blanched, clearly recognizing the name, and straightened at the order from the King. “Understood, your Highness. My apologies for not recognizing you, Hero” he nodded to Ari.

She laughed, partially to set the poor man at ease. “It’s alright Ser. But I did tell you I was impressive, didn’t I”

They continued to the garden, before arriving, they could already hear the laughter of children playing. Even though she had grown several inches in the three years since she last saw her, Ari could spot her daughter immediately. Despite Nate saying how much he was reminded of Ari, she saw Zevran when she looked at the girl. Her blonde hair had gotten longer, pulled into a braid. She had his amber eyes as well, and that was definitely his smile that had always made her melt. Ari couldn’t help the tears forming in her eyes, tears of joy at seeing the girl playing tag with the other children. As if sensing her, the girl suddenly stopped running and turned to them.

She cried out, rushing to them. Ari knelt down and captured the girl in a hug.

“I’m your surprise, Mamá! Uncle King said you missed me.” She whispered in a very matter of fact way.

“Oh I did, Princesa, I missed you so very much. You are just the best surprise ever! Look at how big you got. So grown! And your hair got long!” Ari smiled, running her hands over her daughter’s arms and hair; taking it all in, feeling her heart fill.

“Uncle King put in the braid. Do you like it?”

“Very beautiful, just like you are, my bella.” Despite her years in Ferelden, the girl still had a hint of Antivan accent. Something that Ari loved, it was another piece of Zev that was kept alive, just like his likeness in their beautiful daughter.

Alistair stood by them, looking down at them with a huge smile. Ari looked up, and mouthed a thank you to him while pulling Eleanor into a hug.

“I am so very sorry I’ve been gone so long. But I am so happy to see you. I want to hear about everything I’ve missed.” She told the girl, feeling a rush of relief that she had been happy to see her mother, not angry as she had feared.

“Oh Mamá, it’s ok. Uncle King said you were looking for something very important so that you and he wouldn’t be sick anymore. He said it was very important. I’ve been very good just like you told me to. Well, mostly.” She giggled. “We did get into trouble with Arl Eamon for giggling during a meeting.” She looked at the King now, “but Uncle King started it!”

“Tattletale,” the King teased her. Then shrugged as he looked at Ari, “Meetings about trade agreements are VERY boring, we couldn’t help it that we needed to liven it up”

“I don’t know which of you is a worse influence on the other” Ari laughed. She was so happy, feeling the three of them fall right back into the familiarity they had so many years back.

“Speaking of which,” Alistair spoke, “I have another boring meeting to get to. So I leave you ladies to catch up. After lunch, young lady” he said touching Eleanor on the head, “you need to go back to our quarters, to start your lessons with Lady Anai.”

“Aww” the princess whined, “Do I have to?”

“Yes”, he replied. “I’m not about to leave my kingdom to an idiot. Just because they all think I’m dumb doesn’t mean you should be” he winked at her.

“Ari, they’re moving you to my quarters so you have more time for this runt” poking the Princess in the nose affectionately. “I’ll see you two ladies at bedtime. Try not to burn the fortress down, ok?”

“No promises” Ari laughed, taking the girl’s hand to lead her to a bench to catch up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some notes:  
> 1) If any of the Spanish is wrong (Antivan) my apologies, it's Google Translate's fault!  
> 2) I have a cousin who's 22 years younger than me who lives in another state. When she was about 3, I was visiting and was introduced as Cousin XXX. Apparently she thought that meant my first name was Cousin, as that's what she called me the rest of the visit. That stuck as my nickname, even as she got older (she has other cousins, but I'm still Cousin). So for me, I thought the same might happen here. When she was little, she thought his first name was King, so he became Uncle King. Something she still calls him today, even though at 10, she's old enough to know his name is Alistair.


	19. The Commander

The rest of the morning was filled with Eleanor telling her mother all about her adventures. The little Arainai very excited about everything and talking fast.

“Uncle Nate taught me how to shoot a bow. He said I’m as good as Grandma Cousland.” She said excitedly

“Wow! That’s impressive. Maybe you can show me later,” Ari beamed.

Then it was about going hunting with Fergus and Nate. Then she told Ari all about her Aunt Elissa, Fergus’s new wife that Ari hadn’t met yet. It was clear that Eleanor adored her, telling her mother about learning to dance, and sew from her. How her Aunt and she would tease her Uncle, and laugh when he’d pretend to get mad (“But he’s just pretending” the girl explained.).

“Oh! Look what Uncle Fergus taught me!” she said excitedly standing up, and then doing a perfect little courtesy. “Pleased to meet you, Carrot Head!” the little girl giggled.

“Eleanor!” Ari exclaimed with humor!

She shook her head. The Cousland line had a long and proud history that went back generations. Too bad all that would end when she got her hands on Fergus, she thought jokingly.

There were stories about Hawke and Fenris coming to visit on her birthday. Eleanor told her about the book of stories Fenris gave her, about the legends of Ferelden history. She told them about Cullen taking her horseback riding.

With each story Eleanor was more excited than the last. And Ari just watched amazed, not only with all her daughters fun stories, but that all her friends had all stepped in, to make sure that Eleanor was surrounded with love. That, in their own ways, they were each doing things with her that she would have done had she been around. She didn’t know how she could ever repay them all for that kindness.

Finally Ari stood up, how was it that this girl had endless energy, she wondered with a chuckle.

“It’s almost time for lunch, Princesa”, Ari said, holding out her hand to her daughter. “I have one stop to make first, come on”

As they started walking up the stairs to the battlements, Eleanor asked “Where are we going, Mamá?”

“Well, I have to have a meeting with the Inquisition Commander, dear. I gave him a report about training, and I need to talk with him about that.” Reaching the door to his office, she stopped and looked at Eleanor. “Now, you need to be on your best behavior in there. Remember, you’re a princess now. The Commander is very serious, he won’t tolerate any funny business, ok?”

“Yes Mamá” the girl replied.

Eleanor knocked on the door, trying to suppress a giggle, making sure the girl couldn’t see her.

“Enter” a gruff voice beckoned.

Hearing that voice, Eleanor hid behind her mother’s legs as they entered the room. It was a move the girl had often done with her father whenever scared.

Inside the Inquisitor and Cullen were going over a map, discussing her next mission. “Ari,” Cullen said with a smile. “Great, we were just wrapping up here. We can go over…”

He didn’t get to finish that statement as they were all interrupted by a loud scream from behind Ari, “UNCLE CULLEN!!!” Cullen barely had time to kneel down before the girl threw herself into his arms.

Evelyn looked down at the pair. Cullen was laughing, and giving the girl a hug, suddenly seeming childlike himself. It was a side of Cullen she had never seen before. A side she found endearing.

“Princess Ele, what are you doing here?” he chuckled.

“I was a surprise for Mamá” the girl explained. Then looking at Evelyn she whispered to Cullen, “Who’s she?”

“Princess,” Cullen said standing, still holding the girls hand, “Allow me to introduce you to the Inquisitor, Lady Evelyn Trevelyan.”

Eleanor was clearly impressed, based on her smile. “Hi” she smiled at the Inquisitor.

“Well hello Princess, what an honor to have you here.” Evelyn smiled back. The child was absolutely adorable, and clearly had the Commander of her army wrapped around her finger, she thought with a chuckle.

“Uncle Cullen, will you have lunch with me? Please, please?” she begged.

Looking to Ari, asking silently if they could meet another time, Ari just shrugged to show she was fine. Turning to Evelyn, he asked“Are we done here, Inquisitor?”

“Well, I can hardly deny you when your presence is requested by a Royal, can I?” she laughed.

“Go,” Ari said. “I need to talk with the Inquisitor anyway”. That got her a slightly panicked look from Cullen and a half annoyed, half curious look from Evelyn.

“Uh, ok.” replied Cullen. Opening one door, he signaled to the guard there. “Jim. I need you to get to Sister Leliana’s tower and wait for an incoming report for her. I need that as soon as she sends it.”

The guard saluted and ran off.

“Alright, Princess. I’m all yours for the next hour.” He smiled at the girl who was so excited she was actually bouncing.

Well, I guess I’m chopped nug when he’s around, Ari thought with a smile. They were barely out the door when Cullen returned. “Oh, Ari. It’s a full moon in a few days, I was hoping maybe…”

“Absolutely,” Ari interrupted him. “Come by that night, say 8 bells”

Cullen beamed. “Great, thanks!” and he took off for his lunch with the Princess skipping beside him.

Ari looked at Evelyn and tried to put on a warm smile. “Walk with me? I think we need to clear the air.” She said hopeful. Evelyn nodded and the two walked out on the battlements together.


	20. Setting Things Straight

“I’m not really good at leading up to things, so I’m just going to come out and say it. I think there’s been a misunderstanding when it comes to Cullen. I’m hoping I can fix that.” Ari started.

Evelyn really didn’t want to hear about how Ari and the Cullen were together and she should back off. She already got that message just from their actions. “No need, Lady Arainai. It’s clear how he feels about you. I mean he can’t even look me in the eye when he talks to me, while you two are constantly whispering secrets.”

Ari shook her head. Leaning against the wall, looking out to the mountains she started to explain. “You really don’t know why that is? He can’t look you in the eye because he is crazy about you. He’s too nervous to speak, that’s why. As for the whispering – you’re all he can talk about. But he’s convinced that there’s no way you’d feel the same, that’s why he clams up whenever you walk over.”

Evelyn stared with her mouth open at the red haired woman before her. Could this really be true? It made sense sort of, she didn’t think that she was being made fun of. Had she misread this. Could he really feel that way about her?

“Well, why doesn’t he say anything”, Evelyn finally asked after several moments.

“Because Ferelden men are too damn polite for their own good. And in Cullen’s case, he thinks he’s damaged because of his past. He doesn’t think he’s good enough for you. He's convinced that because you're from a noble family and he's the son of a farmer that you'd have no interest in him. I’ve been trying to convince him otherwise, but what do I know, I’ve only been his friend for over a decade.” Ari waved her hand with a smile.

“Let me put it to you this way” she continued. “Most of the time he’s in ‘Commander’ mode, isn’t he? I bet he’s serious; hard to get beneath all that professionalism am I right?”

Evelyn nodded; the man definitely was too serious for his own good.

“Ok, but you saw how he just was with my daughter, right? The ‘Commander’ was completely gone, he was fun and happy and childlike, yes?” Evelyn nodded again. “That is exactly how he gets when he talks about you. He gets this goofy look on his face, and he’s like a teen with his first crush.”

Evelyn blushed at this. Did he really get like that about her? “I want to believe you, but I just saw him make a date with you. How can you say he’s interested in me, when he has plans with you?”

“Oh, he made a date, but it wasn’t with me,” Ari explained. She got quiet for a minute, as if remembering something from long ago, and then spoke again, looking off into the distance. Her voice was softer this time, almost as if trying to not cry, “He was making plans with Eleanor. Whenever there was a full moon, Eleanor and her father would have a nighttime picnic together. It was always just the two of them, something special between them. After he died…. Well, anytime Cullen would visit since then, if there’s a full moon, he takes her on one of those picnics. I think it’s his way of keeping something of Zev alive for her.” She shrugged.

“That’s the kind of man whose attentions you have, Evelyn. He is always looking to protect those around him, always thinking of things no one else would. So just don’t break his heart, ok?” Ari looked at the Inquistor with a warm smile. “I haven’t seen him even give anyone a second look before you. If you feel the same way, you’re going to have to be the one to make the first move, because he’s too caught up in his own insecurities to ever do anything about it unless you force his hand.”

Evelyn nodded again. “I don’t understand what he could be insecure about. He’s the leader of the most powerful army in Thedas, he’s smart, and does he not own a mirror? I mean who has the right to look that good?” she grinned, causing Ari to laugh. “What is in his past that makes him this he isn’t good enough?” she asked.

Ari shook her head again, “Those are not my secrets to tell. You’ll have to ask him, or wait for him to share them with you.”

“But you know what they are?” asked Evelyn.

“I know, because I was there, not because he told me. As much fun as a blight sounds, it’s actually pretty horrible.” She gave the Inquisitor a sad smile.

“Well then, I guess I just need to figure out how to get him alone to talk to him.”

“Fortunately, I happen to know that in about 40 minutes he’ll be bringing Eleanor back to her quarters, and I’m betting he’ll be free then” she said with a wink.


	21. A Wise King

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of this would make more sense if I wrote my head canon in order!! I have a whole Zev/Arianna story in my head from Origins too. I will write that as well, all the awesome comments and kudos from you all have inspired me. You all are awesome!

Leaving the Inquisitor, in what she hoped was a better state, Ari met up with the King to go talk to Dagna. _I really hope Cullen doesn’t kill me for that_ she thought, but she felt pretty sure it would work out ok. He just needed a push.

Dagna was her usual excited self, gushing over the King and the Hero. She showed them what success she had so far, using blood she still had from Anders when trying to extract Justice, and some other samples Ari had also provided. Dagna seemed pretty confident she was very close to figuring out how to counteract the taint.

Leaving her, the two headed back to the office that Josephine had set aside exclusively for the King. Lunch was already set up, and clearly fit for Warden stamina, there was enough food there for 4 people even though it was just the two of them.

“So, how’d this morning go,” The king asked, while grabbing a piece of ram meat. “Feeling less like the worst mother in all of Thedas?” he asked with a chuckle. “Besides, pretty sure Flemeth still holds that title.”

Ari smiled. “Much better. That was just what I needed, I’m so happy she’s here. But, Maker, that girl can talk!”

Alistair let out a snort at her comment, “Oh, don’t I know it. Sometimes I make her sit in meetings just so she will stop.”

“Alistair, that’s awful!”, Ari scolded. “And brilliant. Who said you’re not smart?!”

“Everyone but you,” he smiled, even though sadly there was some truth to his statement.

“It sounds like she’s been having a great time. Sounds like all of you are keeping her plenty busy. She said that Eamon was upset with you though, about her being at some meeting. Everything ok?” She asked with concern in her voice.

Alistair sighed and sat back in his chair. Shaking his head, “That wasn’t why he’s upset. I just kept her from what she doesn’t need to know. He can be upset all he wants for all I care.”, his strong jaw tightening a bit as he looked down at his plate.

“Ali? I’ve rarely seen you this upset.”

“I’ll tell you, but after I do, I’m pretty sure you’ll want to punch the man. Not that it takes much for you to take a swing” he said with a wink, trying to lighten the mood a bit, although clearly still agitated.

“He is trying to push for a marriage with some noble from Cumberland.”

“Well, have you met her? I worry about you sometimes being all alone, you deserve someone who will be good to you.” Ari patted his hand.

He shook his head again, “Well it won’t be her. Oh she’s pleasant enough, and pretty. Probably would be a good Queen, but..” he paused, looking like he was trying to choose his words carefully. “She doesn’t like that I’ve named Eleanor as my heir. She’d just as soon see her sent off somewhere and be forgotten.” He took Ari’s hand, “That will never happen.” He reassured her.

“When I told Eamon, he was angry, said I was forgetting my responsibilities as a king. So then I told him that anyone that I married would have to open her heart to Ele. I told him that I would never send a child away just to make my wife happy.”

“Ouch! I’m betting that hit a little close to home”, Ari said, but with a smile. She had no love lost for Eamon.

“Yes, which was not unintentional I’ll admit. So he’s now storming around and as far as I’m concerned, he owes me the apology, and needs to remember that I’m the one who’s King, not him. Having an adviser is fine, but I make my own decisions. No one is going to be bossing me around” he paused to put some more food onto his plate. “Well except you of course, no one is bossier than you.” He winked at her.

She elbowed him playfully at that. “Thank you for that Ali. I mean that.”

He shrugged again. “I love her, it really wasn’t a hard decision to make. The palace would be way duller without the Princess there. I’m happy to do it, for her and for you. So, now that we’re done with the meeting of the “We don’t like Eamon” group, what was it you wanted to discuss?”

Now it was Ari’s turn to stare at her plate. Alistair just watched her out of the corner of his eye while he ate, he could tell whatever it was it wasn’t something easy, and he knew her well enough to just remain quiet and give her the time she needed and she’d start talking when she was ready. He smirked to himself as he thought how much alike she and Eleanor were in that way.

“Do you think…” she started and stopped. Tears starting at the corner of her eyes. Alistair dropped his fork and reached for her hand again. Still saying nothing.

She sighed and tried again, “Do you think he’d be angry at me if I had, maybe, sort of, possibly might have feelings for someone else?” she said as quick as she could and then dropped her head. She steeled herself, ready to hear her friend admonish her.

“Oh love, of course not.” Alistair said softly, with concern in his voice. “Wait, it’s not me right?” he said with mock panic in his voice, “You know that proposal, that was years ago, and it was during the blight, and it was just to make you laugh because you were upset about your breakup” he joked, hoping to get her tears to stop.

Wiping at her eyes, she playfully hit his arm lightly with the back of her hand. But his plan worked, as a small smile appeared. “It’s not you dummy.”

Alistair moved his chair so that he was next to her, but still facing her, and he took both his hands in his.

“I don’t think he’d be upset if you maybe, sort of, possibly might have feelings for someone. Zev loved you, more than I’ve ever seen a man love someone before. He wouldn’t want you to be lonely. He’d want you to be happy, and loved.” Alistair tried to reassure her.

“Look,” he said, bending his head down to catch her eyes as she was still looking down, “No one took more pleasure out of everything in life than he did. Sometimes a little too much pleasure, sure. But he knew to grab happiness where he could. He made the best out of every day. If there was anyone who’d be telling you to get up and live your life with passion, it would be him. You’re barely 30, he wouldn’t want you to live out the rest of your days alone by some misguided belief that you should be in mourning forever.”

Ari looked at Alistair at this point. Was he right? He did have a point. She couldn’t find her voice just yet, so instead she nodded to convey her understanding.

“Now, who is this man you sort of, maybe, possibly might have feelings for? It’s not the Commander is it? I hope not, because I saw him and the Inquisitor up on the battlements a little while ago, and if it is, there may be a complication. They looked awfully close.”

“No,” she rolled his eyes at him, mainly because she knew that he knew it wasn’t Cullen, and that he was just teasing her. But the news of them kissing did make her feel good. _Finally_ , she thought. “I don’t think you’d be too happy if you knew who it was.”

“As long as it’s not Eamon, I don’t care.” The King smirked at her. “Besides, I learned long ago not to say anything about the men in your life. You don’t listen anyway and yell at me. You went and married that last one I tried to warn you off of.” He squeezed her hand before moving his seat back to continue his meal.

“Well, whoever he is, I hope he can put up with a spoiled noble.” He teased.

“Still better than being raised by flying dogs.” She teased back, feeling better already. She had missed Alistair so much. She shook her head to herself. How could anyone ever think he was stupid, he was just the smartest, kindest, sweetest friend anyone could ever ask for.


	22. Lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short chapter

The rest of the lunch was much more light hearted. Alistair filled her in on some of the changes he’d been making in Ferelden in the last three years. He’d been able to make strides in equality for elves and freedom for mages, even before the war had begun.

It seemed that he had been pushing Eamon’s influence further and further back and that this marriage push was just a last ditch effort at exerting some influence. He joked that he wouldn’t put it past Eamon to try to arrange a marriage between Connor and Eleanor if they weren’t so far apart in age, as a grab at the throne. Ari was happy to hear that he was finally putting distance between himself and the Arl. Eamon never treated Alistair like he was capable of being King, as if it was just blood that allowed him the throne and nothing more. She was elated to see Alistair prove him wrong.

Ari listened to her friend, as he talked about the day ins and outs of ruling, all the while amazed that this was the same awkward, insecure Grey Warden she had met at Ostagar. Part of her felt things would just be so much easier if she could fall in love with Ali, he was a good, kind man, and he’d already stepped into the role as surrogate father for Eleanor. But she just didn’t have those desires for him. She loved him, sure, but in the way she loved Fergus. Back during the blight, they had both lost so much, they became the family each had lost. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for him, and vice versa – as he had already proved, stepping up when asked without a hesitation, to ensure her daughter’s safety from the Crows, by hiding who the girl really was and claiming her as his own.

When he started talking about a ball coming up she chimed in. “You should be sure Lady Carline of West Hill is on the guest list. And Makers sake, ask her to dance, will you?”

He quirked an eyebrow at that. “Who? I don’t think I’ve ever heard Eamon mention her.”

“Well of course not,” Ari rolled her eyes. “There’s nothing in it for him. She’s not a noble, he can’t make a deal to get land or trade or whatever he wants” she motioned around with her hand. “But she’s the cousin of Lord Thierbalt. She was at a ball in Denerim a few years ago. She likes you, not the King, YOU. And she spent half the ball playing with Eleanor, much to the horror of her stuck up cousin I’ll add.”

“Really?” he looked with some shock.

“Andraste’s knickers. You Ferelden men really are dense. Yes, really. Just listen to me, you know you will anyway. Remember, I’m bossy” she laughed.


	23. You Lied

She walked into the prison, sitting down at a chair in the hall across from Anders cell. She didn’t say anything, just watched him play with a kitten. The look on his face made him seem younger, happy. It was getting hard to keep her anger watching him like that. Suddenly sensing her presence he looked up.

“Marian?” he said, quietly. As if frightened she’d disappear if he spooked her.

“Ari said she’d be late to dinner. She said she’d explain when she got here.” Hawke said, readjusting in her seat, still straddling between anger and just missing her friend.

“Did you just come here to tell me that?” he asked, realizing he was probably antagonizing her, and regretting it right after he said it.

She gave him a look that made him instantly REALLY wish he hadn’t sassed her. “You lied to me.” She glared. “I would have helped you, I would have figured out something. I don’t know. But instead you lied to me about some stupid potion.” She was pretty much yelling at him by the end of that.

“I’m sorry, really I am. I didn't know it was Justice. I know it doesn’t mean anything, but I am sorry”, he said softly, looking down.

Hawke watched him squirm for a few minutes, and then spoke up again, waving her hand. “Yeah yeah, fine. I just needed to get that out, I’ve been holding it in for years. We’re ok, so who’s you’re new friend.” She asked indicating the kitten.

Anders just looked at her with his mouth hung open. He wasn’t sure what to say. Did she really just go from yelling at him to forgiving him in the span of two minutes?

“Close your mouth, you’ll catch flies” she smiled. “Come on, I can’t stay mad at you. Maker knows I tried. But you know I’ve lost too many people I care about. You may have screwed up big time, but you’re one of mine, you’re stuck with me.”

Anders let out a breath that he’d been holding for so long. She was just one of the most amazing women he’d ever known. He had braced himself for yelling, probably a punch or two, and hopeful that the elf wasn’t with her so that his heart would remain in his chest. In truth, this was why she had been avoiding him. She knew the second she saw that stupid mage she wouldn’t be able to stay mad. Varric warned her of that, Ari warned her, heck, even Fenris told her that more than once back in Kirkwall. So she stayed away, because she wanted to stay angry. But then he almost died, and she realized she couldn’t let something happen to him without clearing the air.

“Thank you, Marian”, he said with a near sob.

“Just don’t start any more wars,” she gave him a fake stern look. “You only get a break on the first one. Next time Fenris really does get to deal with you” she gave him a wink.

They spent the next few hours talking and catching up, Hawke even playing with Lady Tigerly. Maybe she needed to forgive him and have her friend back even more than he did, she thought.

***

“One more story, Uncle King”, the Princess begged.

“Oh no, you’ve had three already. Bedtime.” Ari spoke up from the other side of the bed. They were on opposite sides of her in the bed, having tucked her in, provided water, and now told three stories. Ari was starting to wonder if it would be ethical to just have Dorian cast a sleep spell on her.

“Can’t I come have dinner with you and Anders, Mamá?” she asked.

Alistair chuckled. It was nice to see Eleanor give someone else besides him a hard time about going to bed.

“No, one, you’re not going to the prison, you’re a little girl, and two, you’re just trying to snooker me into staying up later. Goodnight. Uncle King will be in the next room if you need something until I get back, but you, my lady, are going to sleep” Ari told her, poking the girl in the nose at the end.

She yawned, and replied sleepily, “But I’m not tired Mamá.”

“Uh-huh” she said, walking out of the room with Alistair.

“Maker, I forgot how tiring she could be,” Ari said with a laugh. Alistair had picked up a bottle of Tivinter Red that had a note on it and was reading it.

“Ari – Thank you so much for your advice, you were right. After the kiss he gave me, I feel I owe you 5 more of these at least. –Evelyn” he read the note outloud. “Ari?” he asked teasingly. “What did you do?”

She shrugged, “I played matchmaker.” she grabbed the bottle from him, “Quite successfully I might add. All the more reason you should listen to me about Lady Carline. I have a perfect record.”

“You made one match, a little early to claim the title of Expert Matchmaker, don’t you think?”

“Ask me that after you dance with the Lady” Ari smiled, leaving the room with the wine and a smile.


	24. A Toast and a Shave

Ari entered the prison and was pleasantly surprised to find Hawke was still there. “Hawke, great to see you, come on” she waved the bottle as she was let into the cell, beckoning Hawke to follow her, “We’re going to have a toast.”

“Well you’re certainly chipper,” Anders couldn’t help but smile at her as she plopped down next to him on the bench.

“Eleanor’s here,” she answered brightly, taking out a few mugs while handing the bottle to Hawke to open.

“So we’re having a toast to cute princesses?” Hawke asked teasing

“No. Anders, they’ve set the date for your hearing with the Inquisitor for the day after tomorrow.” Ari explained.

“I’m not really sure if my possible death in 2 days is reason to celebrate, unless you’re both still secretly pissed at me. You’re not both still pissed are you? Is this a ‘we’re finally getting rid of that wonderfully good looking mage’ party?” he asked them both with an unsure grin.

Hawke rolled her eyes at him. Anders noticed that Ari blushed as her fingers brushed his when she handed him his drink. She shook her head, “This is to celebrate that in two days the good loo…. Uh, you will be out. The Inquisitor will have letters from the Hero” she nodded, “King Alistair,”

“And the Champion of Kirkwall,” Hawke announced.

Ari smiled at her, “Right. All pleading your case, for different reasons. I’ll point out that you were critical to saving Amaranthine. The King will point how your healing abilities could be a help to the Inquisition, plus how it would be helpful to have another Warden around. Hawke is going to talk about you having that clinic that you gave free aid to the poor.”

“The idea is hit them with not only all the good you have done, but all the good you could do. Make them see that Justice was a large factor in all this. Let them see your more valuable to the Inquisition alive than as a symbol they want to be rid of.” Hawke added.

“And you think this will work?” He asked Ari.

She smiled at him. “I’m counting on it. I need to keep my own personal healer around, don’t I?” she gently tapped him with her elbow, leaning in a little closer to him. He couldn’t help but smile, and noticed that she had moved a little closer, their legs now touching.

***

The next day went quick, even to Anders. He was too nervous to even eat most of the meals brought down to him.

Ari came down that night after dinner with a bowl, a knife, a towel, a razor, and soap. “I figured that it will improve our chances for tomorrow is for you to look as distinguished and presentable as you can. This rugged look may work with the ladies, but I think the long, unkempt beard needs to go for tomorrow at least.”

“May be difficult without a mirror,” Anders said looking around the room.

“That’s where I come in”, she smiled. “Fergus fell off a horse trying to impress his wife when he was courting her. Broke his arm, and since the healer wasn’t around, he had to wait for it to heal on it’s own. So I learned how to shave his beard. Would it be ok?” She asked, suddenly feeling a little unsure.

“I’d be honored” Anders replied with a twinkle in his eye. He sat down, and she grabbed the knife and trimmed his beard as close as possible. Anders watching her intently, she avoided his eyes as much as she could, a slight blush and a shy smile appearing on her face whenever he did manage to catch her eyes.

Next she lathered the shaving soap, and gently rubbed it into his cheeks and jaw, her hand lingering just a moment longer than necessary. _I’m probably making a fool of myself_ , she thought. _Really Ari, she chided herself, a shave and you think that’s going to make him interested?_

As she readied the blade, she finally met his eyes. “Are you sure this is ok?” she asked.

“You’re probably the only person I’d trust having a blade that close to my throat right now?” he smiled at her and then closed his eyes, leaning his head back again.

Ari took a minute to steady her hand, and then started, standing behind him as she started pulling the blade down his cheek , leaving just a small amount of stubble, as she knew was his preference. She stopped for a moment, looking at his lips. She wondered if he’d object, it would be so easy to just bend down, and press hers against them.

She shook her head, _stop it, you’re acting like a virginal teenager_ , she scolded herself again, and returned to her task.

Shaving as much as she could from behind him, she walked around to the front, needing to stand between his legs to get close enough. He was so close. She wanted nothing more than to rub her hands along his cheeks and pull those lips in for a long kiss. She just to be held again, feel warmth. _Stop it_ , _Ari, he’s a friend. You’re supposed to be helping him._ Still every time his leg touched her she felt a shiver. At one point his hand brushed against the back of her thigh. She couldn't tell if it was intentional or not, but she wished he'd do it again.

She started shaving his neck, and chin. Anders felt her legs rubbing next to his. It’d be so easy to just reach out and touch her. When he moved his hand meaning just to readjust his posture, he brushed it against her leg without meaning to. He didn't miss the intake of breath she had in reponse. He was grateful for robes. They hid how his body was reacting to her being so close. Close enough he could smell her perfume, it reminded him of vanilla. So little space between them, this uncertainty is not me, he thought. Anders is confident, always gets the pretty girl. But then this is no random girl, he thought. This is Arianna, this is the Warden Commander, the Hero of Ferelden. As he was still debating inside on if he should reach out or not, she brought the towel up, wiping off the remaining soap from his face, and stepping back to admire her work.

He opened his eyes and looked at her smiling at him, thinking once again how he hadn’t seen something so beautiful before. Even Hawke didn’t compare as far as he was concerned.

“Now you look like Anders, instead of a crazy hermit,” she giggled.

She gathered everything up, and handed it all to the guard. Then turned back around, and Maker, he was suddenly so close. He was close enough, that she could almost feel the warmth coming from him. Nearly a foot taller than her, he was almost towering over her this close. She couldn’t help but gulp.

“Ari,” he spoke, barely above a whisper. “I hope this isn’t about to get me another broken nose, but I think it’s worth the risk. I could very well be sent to my execution tomorrow, so forgive me.”

Anders leaned down and took her face in his hands, and pulled her into a kiss. Starting soft at first, he moved one of his hands to the back of her head, and tilted it gently, deepening the kiss. Brushing his tongue along her lips to request entrance, which she gave him eagerly. His tongue brushing along hers, causing her to moan into his mouth, making him smile. Her hands went around his neck holding him close to her, one of her hands digging into his hair.

‘ _Maker!’_ she thought. _‘He kisses as if he’s making love.’_ She could already feel her knees go weak from the kiss. Just a kiss, she thought. As if sensing this, he wrapped an arm around her waist, keeping her upright. His other hand staying on her head, thumb brushing her cheek. _Sweet Andraste, he BETTER live, because I’m going to want more of these kisses,_ her mind raced.

Anders pulled her closer. He'd been thinking of this kiss for years, and if it was going to be the only one they ever shared, he wanted to make sure it was memorable. Her hand in his hair tightened it's grip on him, and he flexed his hand on her lower back in response. She tasted like berries, he didn't want the kiss to ever end. He never wanted her to leave his arms now that she was finally, blessedly there.

When he finally broke from her, she felt out of breath. He kept his forehead against hers. “Is my nose safe?” he asked with a smile.

“Only if you promise me to survive tomorrow so I can get another one of those.” She said with a shy smile.

“Deal” he whispered. “Good night, Ari” he smiled at her, guiding her with his arm towards the cell door.

She was suddenly more nervous about tomorrow than she had been.


	25. More Letters

_Ri,_

_I imagine by now that Eleanor has arrived. I can only imagine how ecstatic you are to see her again._

_She may have heard Fergus and I talking while on a visit. Sorry in advance._

_Nate_

Well that’s not at all worrisome, Ari thought.

***

_Fergus,_

_Be prepared. When I return to Highever I’m finding the nearest mud puddle and shoving you in it._

_You have been warned!_

_Ari_

***

 

_Dearest Sister,_

_I am sorry to say, that as Teyrn, I have outlawed all mud puddles in Highever. I am unsure what could have possibly happened to upset you, Carrot Head._

_By the way, whatever you may hear from Eleanor, is Nate’s fault, and by no means should I be held responsible._

_Fergus_

Definitely becoming more concerning, Ari thought to herself.

***

The next morning, Ari and Cullen were at another impromptu sparring match to escape nightmares.

Cullen swung from the side with his practice sword, “I hear you’ve been kissing the Inquisitor’s prisoners” he smirked at her.

“Just one,” blocking the swing with her daggers, “and I hear you’ve been kissing the Inquisitor.”

Cullen blushed, his sword and shield falling to the side. “People know about that?” he asked looking mortified.

“They do. It’s adorable. It’s also about damn time.” She put her practice dagger to the Commander’s throat, “and match to me.”


	26. The Trial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, thank you all so so much for all your comments and kudos. Even if you love or hate something a character did, the fact that you're even feeling something, that you're connecting with this story from my head just means so much. It truly does make my day to get your comments. Keep it up <3

The Grand Hall had never been more full. Mostly nobles who had little care about the events in Kirkwall, just wanting to be seen. At the front of the hall, on her throne, sat the Inquisitor. By one side was the Commander, gripping the pommel of his sword, scanning the crowd for assassins. On the others side, the Ambassador stood holding her board and quill.

Anders made his way up the Grand Hall in chains, guards on each side, also scanning the halls for assassins. Anders realized he had just as much chance of being taken out by a Crow as he did being placed to death by the Inquisitor. While the guards were looking for assassins, he was scanning the crowd hoping to see a certain red head. He could hear murmurs of the nobles as he was walking by. Snippets of “terrorist”, “Warden”, “mage” filling his ears. He didn’t care about any of that, he just wanted to see that she was there, that would make whatever was to come ok. He still had not spotted her by the time he was before the Inquisitor.

Anders started to mentally kick himself, feeling his heart sink. Of course she’s not here, you stupid stupid idiot. After last night, she’s probably so pissed at you she wants nothing more to do with this whole mess. Looking up, he couldn’t read at all what the Inquisitor might say. He gulped, and hung his head low again.

“Inquisitor,” the Ambassador began. “The mage before you, simply known as Anders, is accused of terrorism against the city of Kirkwall, and starting the war between the Mages and the Chantry. He has been brought before you for sentencing.”

“Do you have anything to say in your defense, Anders?” The Iquisitor asked, in a voice that did not give hint to any emotion.

Anders shook his head. “Only that while I am truly sorry for any innocent lives lost, if mages are able to live their lives just like everyone else, with the same freedoms, than it was worth whatever sentence you impose.”

“Inquisitor, we have letters here from the King of Ferelden, the Hero of Fereldan and the Champion of Kirkwall, all requested for you to review in your judgment. There is also one from the Viscount of Kirkwall stating that he will abide by whatever ruling you hand out.”

The Inquisitor held her hand out, and started to read the letters given to her.

“There is also a letter from Commander Rutherford, in it, Inquisitor, he details the circumstances in Kirkwall under Meredith Stannard. According to the Commander, war would have come no matter what. That the former Knigh-Commander had caused the city to become a powder keg. If it had not been Anders to light the fuse, it could have just as easily been someone else.”

Anders raised an eyebrow and looked in the Commander’s direction. He was surprised that Cullen had apparently come to his defense. The Commander however, remained scanning at the crowd, and gave no indication that he had even heard anything that was discussed.

The Inquisitor bowed her head, and then spoke, “I am ready to hand down my decision.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Duhn-duhn-duhn


	27. The Verdict

When they had first entered the hall there wasn’t much of a crowd just yet. Ari had spent the morning playing with her daughter. Then, she and Hawke had spent most of the afternoon trying to keep each other distracted from worry by playing a game of Wicked Grace with Varric and Fenris in the tavern. Now the two rogues walked through the great room trying to give an air of confidence, both aware many eyes were upon them as the Hero and the Champion walked into the room towards the King. There’s a dirty joke in there somewhere Ari thought to herself.

The ever delightful Commander of the King’s Guard, Rylock, was there as well next to the King. As the women approached, Rylock positioned herself so that Ari was unable to stand directly next to the King. Hawke noticed this too and spoke up. Ari had told her about this woman, so Hawke already knew she was not a friend.

“You remind me of a delightful Knight Commander I used to know. She was all crazy and then turned into red lyrium after killing a bunch of people.” Hawke rocked back and forth on her feet looking right at the woman.

Rylock shot her a look, but moved to stand further away from the two. Ari gave Hawke a grateful smile, and went to stand beside Alistair. He shook his head and looked down at her. “I always suspected it would be trouble if you two were together. Now you’ve gone and upset my Guard Commander.” A smirk giving away that he wasn’t really upset.

Ari shrugged, and grabbed the king’s hand, which he immediately gave a squeeze. “Nervous?” he asked. Rylock coughed in warning at the sign of affection, but looked away when Hawke gave her an 'I’m bored and you look like a nice pincushion' look.

“No. Yes. I just…. what if … he… Andrastes knickers. Words” She answered

“Ah. Clear as all that than.” He said with a chuckle.

“She doesn’t know if she should be worried that he’s sentenced to death, or worried that he lives and she has to face him. He kissed her yesterday.” Hawke piped in.

“Hawke…” Ari hissed at her friend, who just shrugged with an innocent smile.

“Ah, well I guess that solves that mystery of who then.” The King replied, giving Ari a look that did not exactly look approving.

“Go ahead, what do you have to say” she sighed at him.

“Oh no,” Alistair shook his head. “I learned long, long ago to keep my big mouth shut when it comes to your love life. You and I have two rules. You don’t eat my cheese, I don’t say anything about who has your eye.” He gave her a soft smile and squeezed her hand again.

By the time Anders had entered the hall it was packed. What had once been a good spot to stand now was miserable. Neither Ari nor Hawke could see over the crowd, but they could tell by the comments that Anders must be coming through. Hawke tried to signal with her hands waving where they are, but cursed as she realized her hands were probably not visible over the heads of so many Orlesians. Ari wondered how much of a cow Rylock would have if she asked Alistair if she could sit on his shoulders.

Thankfully they could at least make out what was being said up front, even if they couldn’t see. Ari secretly cursed Alistair for being tall enough to see. Hawke and she looked at each other with surprise when they heard the Ambassador mention a statement from Cullen. Neither had even thought to ask him, both figuring that what happened in Kirkwall would be too much for him. Then they heard the words that caused the Hawke to grab Ari's free hand.

“I am ready to hand down my decision.”

***

“Anders,” the Inquisitor started. “Your crimes in Kirkwall resulted in the loss of innocent lives, not only in the Chantry you blew up, but in the ensuing fight immediately after. Your actions directly led to the war between the Chantry and mages, costing more lives.”

Anders looked down, this was not going in a way that saw him leaving here alive.

Ari and Hawke looked at each other with fear and concern. Ari suddenly feeling very good about insisting the Princess could not attend.

“However,” the Inquisitor continued, “it would be wrong to overlook the extenuating circumstances leading to your actions. It is known that you were under the influence of a spirit at the time, and at times under the spirit’s control. The abuse of power by former Knight-Commander Meredith Stannard led to a situation ripe for an uprising. It has been decided that you would serve no purpose to put you to death, and that you would serve a greater purpose by providing your healing skills to the Inquisition’s soldiers. Anders, you are to serve here at Skyhold for the next 6 months as resident healer. During that time you are also to train our lead mages so that they can improve their healing skills as well. While here at Skyhold you will be given quarters, and will be under watch. If you serve without issue during that time, you will be free to leave after such time that your 6 months are complete.”

People started murmuring, a few even yelling. The Inquisitor simply looked out and got up, walking out, indicating she had made her ruling and that was it.

Ari and Hawke hugged each other immediately. The guards, removed Anders chains. Nobles already started clearing out, clearly disappointed they had not witnessed an execution.

Cullen walked down from where he stood towards Anders and spoke, “Find me near the entrance when you’re ready to see your new quarters.” Then with a small smile, he put a hand on his friend's shoulder “I think you’ll find them more accommodating than your cell.”

Anders turned around, seeing the nobles filing out, and was now able to see the King of Ferelden in the hall, and next to him two familiar red heads. Anders let out a breath he’d been holding since this morning. She was here, she hadn’t left as he feared. He just couldn’t see her because she was so darn short.

As he made his way over to them a woman suddenly stepped in front of the King with a scowl on her face. At first Anders had no recognition of her, but then he had a flash of Vigils Keep and realized that he did know her. She was the very Templar that Ari had saved him from all those years ago. And now she was here again? Was she coming to take him? That couldn’t be right, the Inquisitor just said he was to serve the Inquisition.

Before he got to them, Hawke placed herself between the scowling woman and him, sending a clear message to her.

“Your majesty,” Anders said, with a bow, hearing the scowling woman growl. “I thank you sire.”

The King simply nodded, an unreadable look on his face, although Anders got the feeling he was being sized up. He noticed the King holding Ari's hand, and worry settled in his stomach.

As he stood up, he was nearly knocked over by Hawke throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him into a hug. “Hawke” he chuckled, pulling her into a hug.

“No more scaring me, ok. I mean it, Anders, I’ve lost too much family, no more.”

Anders nodded and pulled her into another hug. After she pulled away, he looked to Ari, taking her free hand and holding it as if he might kiss it, but didn’t. She was with the King, he wasn't a stupid man, of course she would be. She was the Tyrnessa of Fereldan, it only made sense.

“Thank you, Ari. I owe you my life yet again it seems. I hope I see you again sometime soon.”

Rylock growled again, but this time the King leaned over to her to say something and she backed away.

Based on the blush on Ari’s face, Anders wondered if maybe he wasn’t that off about how the kiss went last night as he had thought.

“You’ll be seeing lots more of me” she answered, and then immediately got redder, if that was even possible, Hawke snickering beside her, earning her an elbow from Ari. She glared at Hawke, and then continued, “I told you before Anders, I would protect you. I need to make sure you’re truly safe here, don’t I? I already talked to the Inquisitor, I’ll be helping the Commander with training the troops and the Inquisition with the Wardens while you are here.”

Anders smiled, “A much better keeper than the Templars.” Looking purposefully at the scowling woman. “I take my leave than, my lady, I don’t want to keep the Commander waiting.” Bowing to them all, he dropped her hand and walked to where Cullen stood.

Ari just stood there, Hawke leaning in and saying to Ari “What in the bloody Maker? No kiss? No nothing?” Hawke threw her hands in the air. “Want me to kick his arse for you?” She asked.

“No, just no, ok.” her voice wavered. Maybe he was just nervous in front of everyone else. Maybe still in shock from all that had just taken place in the last hour. She’d wait and see for now. She looked towards the King, to see what he was thinking.

He just held his hand up to indicate he had nothing to say, and then leaned down to kiss her cheek. “He’ll come around, or he doesn’t deserve you” he whispered in her ear, taking his leave.


	28. Lunch and Dracolisks

“What’s with that guard, she made Meredith seem like a kitten” Hawke asked, taking a sip of her ale.

“She wanted to take Anders into the circle during the Blight, but I conscripted him into the Wardens instead. I don’t think she really liked being put in her place by me and the King.” Ari replied, holding up her mug to indicate she was ready for another.

“So why does the King keep her around if she’s so miserable?” Hawke wondered.

“Well, she is a good guard, able to lead. Plus I think he secretly gets enjoyment watching me annoy her so much. I suspect that’s more the reason than anything” she said with a laugh that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“The abom... Anders,” Fenris corrected himself seeing the look on his wife's face as he handed Ari another drink, “is a fool. I will happily, as Hawke so eloquently put 'Pound some sense into him' if you desire.”

Ari just shook her head. She had already reminded herself how she had to wait nearly 2 months for Zevran to stop being stubborn enough to admit he actually had feelings for her. Although she’d be lying if she said Fenris’ offer didn’t sound a little enticing.

***

Ari hadn’t seen Anders in the three days since the trial. She knew they were both busy, but she had secretly hoped he’d seek her out, but he hadn’t. She had no intention of seeing him out today, but Eleanor apparently didn’t get the message. They were barley into the quad on the way to the stables when she took off running towards the healers' tents.

“Hi” Eleanor smiled at Anders stopping before her. He looked up and noticed her mother still making her way down the stairs.

Bending down, he smiled at the little girl. “Well hello Princess Ele.”

“We’re going to the stables to look at the new Dracolisk. You should come too” she said pulling on his hand.

Anders looked up to Ari who had stopped a few feet away, a little nervous at what he’d see, but she only flashed him a sad smile and looked to her daughter. “Por favor, Mamá. Can he come too?” Eleanor asked still pulling on Anders hand.

“That’s up to him, Princesa.” She smiled at the girl. “He’s here to help the soldiers, remember.”

Anders stood, still holding Eleanor’s hand. He smiled at Ari as he spoke, “I think they’ll be ok without me for a little while.” Then looking to Eleanor, “Let’s go see that Dracolisk” he laughed as the girl pulled him into a slow run towards the stables.

When they reached the stables, Master Dennet helped the Princess stand on a stool so she could look over the gate to see the Dracolisk. She kept turning to look at Anders, “Isn’t that cool, Anders? Look, it’s yellow AND red” she giggled with amazement. Every time she’d look away he’d look to Ari who was on the other side of the girl. She seemed younger almost when she was looking at her daughter, full of life. He couldn’t help but smile at her. He secretly wondering if she’d protest if he took her hand, but, like in the Hall, fear stayed his hand.

After watching Master Dennet feed the Dracolisk, they made their way out of the stables, Eleanor running ahead and then back to them. “Come have lunch with us Anders, puhleeeze?” she said with a slight whine. “We have cheese!” she offered.

Ari laughed, “That bribe only works the King honey.”

Anders laughed. “Very well” he told the grinning girl.

They shared a lunch with Varric and Hawke, the Princess insisting on sitting in between Anders and Varric. She spent the meal telling them all about the palace in Denerim. About her pony, her room, and pretty much anything else that popped in her head in no particular order.

As lunch was nearing the end, Eleanor climbed into Anders’ lap. “We’re having a ball in nine days. Uncle King and I are going back home, it’s for us. Can you come?”

He looked again to Ari for permission, which she nodded. “I would be happy to be there” he smiled at the girl who gave him a hug around his neck.

“Ok little one, you need to take a nap, you have your picnic with Uncle Cullen tonight” Ari said reaching for Eleanor.

“Yay!!” the girl cried out with a huge smile. “Bye” she said to Anders, Hawke and Varric.

After they left, Hawke looked at Anders with a smile that sent a shiver down him. “You should come to play Wicked Grace tonight at the Tavern.” She said in a very calm voice, but still made the hair on Anders’ neck stand up a little.

“Um, I’m not sure, I don’t think she..”

“I think you _really_ should come play Wicked Grace _to-night_ ” Hawke said again, a bit more forcefully.

Anders looked to Varric, who shrugged and replied, “I think maybe she wants you to play Wicked Grace.”

“You’ve gotten even scarier, you know” he smiled to Hawke. “I think the elf is having a bad influence on you.”

Hawke just returned the smile and walked off to the War Room.


	29. Wicked Grace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is longer, just because I couldn't figure out a good place to cut it to make two chapters.

Eleanor was sitting on the bed facing away from the King who was braiding her hair for her. “I doubt most Kings braid hair,” Ari said chuckling while drying her hair with a towel from her earlier bath, grabbing a cup of water.

“Well, most don’t have such cute princesses” he said finishing the braid and grabbing Eleanor into his lap, tickling her as she giggled. “I bet I do them better than Uncle Fergus, don’t I?”

Eleanor climbed off his lap and then got a serious look on her face, looking at her mother, “Mamá, why did you kiss Uncle Nate?”

Ari nearly spit out her water, while Alistair chuckled. “Where did you hear that honey?” She asked.

“Uncle Fergus and Uncle Nate were saying something about it.” She said, giving a look that said she wasn’t going to be distracted until she got an answer.

Ari looked at Alistair, who suddenly was very interested in a painting on the wall. No help there at all, she thought.

She sat next to Eleanor on he bed. “That was a really really long time ago, Princesa. Mommy was very young then.”

“Didn’t Papá get mad?” she asked.

“It was a long time before I met Papá, sweetie” Ari explained, hoping that was that.

Eleanor scrunched up her face, but didn’t ask any more questions, instead climbing off the bed, so Ari supposed that meant matters were done.

“Come on little one, your date will be here soon.” Said the King, having completed his thorough inspection of the painting. Hawke and Fenris were already waiting for them in the sitting room of the suite and smiled as the princess ran to Fenris with a hug.

A knock at the door announced the Commander and Inquisitor, Cullen carrying a picnic basket and blanket. “Are you coming too?” Eleanor asked, looking up to Evelyn.

“No, I’m going to play cards with your mother. Uncle Cullen is all yours tonight”, she said with a wink.

“I’m starting to think I should be worried with the three of you becoming friends” Cullen said with only half humor looking to Hawke and Ari.

“Don’t worry, Cullen. We’re going to wait for another time to tell her your most embarrassing stories.” Hawke teased.

Cullen shook his head and looked to Eleanor, “You ready Princess? I’ve got a nice spot at a nearby lake, your horse awaits m’lady”

Eleanor was just about jumping up and down with excitement at this point. “Yes, lets go, lets go” She grabbed his hand and lead him out with a wave goodbye to everyone.

“I’m still the favorite Uncle,” Alistair stated after they left.

“Of course you are,” Ari patted his arm.

***

They arrived at the tavern, joining Varric, Bull, Dorian, Blackwall and Cassandra. The King, the Champion and the Hero walk into the bar. Definitely a joke there! Ari thought to herself.

Evelyn and Ari walked over to the bar to get drinks for the table as Evelyn seemed to indicate she wanted to talk. Once they were away from the group, she began, “Cullen told me about what happened, at the Circle and Kirkwall” she said, looking unsure.

Ari nodded, “Good, he needs to have someone else to talk to about all that. He always has me, but it’s great that he finally realized he can trust you enough to tell you.” She smiled at Evelyn. “Are you ok with what he told you?”

Evelyn looked down for a minute, “I just can’t imagine what it must have been like to go through all that. Even just one of those events would have broken a weaker man. Why doesn’t he realize how strong he is to have survived? He actually thought I wouldn’t want to be with him after all that.”

Ari shook her head, “I’ve been telling him for years that his past doesn’t define him. Maybe he’ll finally listen to you. I’m really happy he has you to help him. Just be patient with him. Let him tell you what’s going on when he’s ready.”

Evelyn nodded, her and Ari grabbing the drinks to bring them back to the group. She felt silly now that she had ever been jealous of Ari, she was in fact turning out to be a great confidant, and a good friend. If anyone could understand what it was like to be a different person than the rest of the world believed you should be because of a title it would be Ari and Marian.

As the first hand of Wicked Grace began they all shared stories. Ari and Alistair entertaining them with stories from the blight. Varric and Hawke sharing stories from Kirkwall, Varric embellishing “to give the audience what they want” Varric said.

***

Anders entered the tavern and stopped upon seeing the group. Of course the only open seat was next to Ari, and since Bull was on the other side of her, the room left on the bench meant a tight fit. He was starting to consider sneaking back out, when suddenly Hawke was on his side. _My own fault for being friends with a rogue_ , Anders thought.

“Hawke?” he said with a slight warning in his voice, raising an eyebrow.

“So glad you’re here. But darn it, there’s only one seat left, come on.” She said giving him a smile that really didn’t look friendly. Anders was suddenly thinking he was maybe a little grateful that she had chosen the elf, as he was feeling just a bit scared of her.

Ari had a few ales already by the time he sat down, and she was feeling more confident from the drinks, she flashed him a warm smile as he had to sit so close their legs touched. He could smell the lavender from her soap, and her hair was still slightly damp, so he assumed she was fresh from the bath. He started feeling his cheeks turn pink as he realized that line of thinking led to him imagining her in the tub with nothing but bubbles covering her. He quickly grabbed the ale Hawke handed him to cover his blush and started wondering when it got warm in here.

The stories continued, Anders even sharing some from Vigils Keep and some from how he used to torment Cullen in the circle. He wasn’t doing so well at cards however, and he started to wonder if that was Hawke’s plan to win his money. Every time Ari had to lean up to throw in or grab a new card her leg brushed up against his. Several times the back of her hand brushed against his, to the point that he was starting to wonder if it was intentional, but every time she did it, he’d look to her and she’d be talking to Fenris or Bull.

After several hands, Bull invited her to dance, which she accepted. Anders decided he didn’t care, which of course meant he couldn’t stop turning to look at them dancing.

“I never took you for being a fool, Blondie”, Varric looked up from his cards at him. “An idiot that blew up a Chantry, sure, but never a fool”

"I did", Fenris snorted into his ale

Anders looked at the dwarf and then the elf with a questioning look, “I’m not sure what you mean”

“You kissed her last week, and then when given the chance, you turn tail and run." Fenris replied.

"Hawke, that was private," Anders looked at her.

"Sorry Anders, I don't keep secrets from my husband," she shrugged, kissing Fernis on the cheek.

“You’re a fool because you’re going to just sit there pining over her and let Bull swoop in and steal Firefly?” Varric asked, not even looking up this time.

Alistair chuckled to himself, “Swooping is bad!” Varric gave him a look, “Guess you had to be there” the King added.

“Firefly?” Anders asked.

“Because she lights up the darkest room, and so not the point” Varric grumbled.

Anders looked around the table, Hawke just mouthed “Fool” to him, and Dorian gestured for him to just get up already.

He looked to Alistair who just shook his head. “I’m an idiot who should keep his opinions to himself if he wants to keep his head on his shoulders” he laughed..

Figuring he was out numbered, Anders stood and walked to where they were dancing, and asked Bull if he could cut in. Anders set his hands to Ari’s waist, and when her hands touched his upper arms, he felt a shiver go through him. He looked down, and saw her looking at him with a smile. He wondered if there was ever anyone as beautiful. As they started dancing she giggled a little. “Were they being mean to my personal healer?” she asked.

“Perhaps a little,” he nodded his head with a smile. “Just setting me straight is all” he shrugged.

“Alistair didn’t say anything, did he?” she asked looking slightly serious.

“He said something about keeping his head on his shoulders, so no”, he gave a small laugh he said looking to the table.

When he looked back down, he saw that she was no longer looking up at him, but to the side, and seemed to have a small frown.

“Ari?” he asked. “Are you ok?”

“I…Anders,” she gulped. Here goes nothing she thought. “I just… after what happened in the… now that your free… Maker’s balls. Anders, why haven’t you tried kissing me again?” she asked finally making eye contact.

Anders stopped and just stared at her, he couldn’t have possibly heard her ask what he thought she did. Why would she want him to kiss her, he was still a nobody, a less than nobody. He was hated by half of Thedas, he was an apostate, a former abomination. She could have anyone she wanted. She spent half her free time with the King, why would she want him instead of the King of Ferelden? She deserved to be a Queen, he thought.

He hadn’t realized he’d been staring for so long until he heard her mumble, “Nevermind, I didn’t mean to make you feel awkward, sorry.” She sounded sad, and was pulling away with tears starting to form in her eyes. He realized he was unintentionally being an ass. _Stop her_ a voice in his head yelled as she started to walk past him.

He came to his senses before she was out of arms reach, grabbing her arm and pulling her back to him. His one hand tilting her head while the other moved back to her waist. He pressed his lips to her, and felt her melt instantly. Her arms coming around his waist as he deepened the kiss. He pulled away when he heard catcalls coming from their table, he looked down to see her turning pink, but with a huge smile. Touching his forehead to hers, he whispered to her, “They were right, I am a fool. Can you forgive me?” he asked.

“I’m not sure, maybe you should try that again,” she said with a shy smile, which he did.

The next evening found Anders knocking on the Royal suite, planning to escort Ari to another game of Wicked Grace. The door opened on its own, or so it seemed until he looked down and saw Eleanor in a mans shirt, obviously dressed for bed.

“Hi Anders!” she chirped at him.

“Hi” he replied. Before he could ask if Ari was there, he heard her voice.

“Eleanor Alise, get back in here now.” Eleanor winced.“Oooo, the middle name, that's when you know you're in trouble with moms,” Anders sympathized, taking the hand the girl offered and walking into the room.

The King was sitting on the couch reading through some paperwork while Ari was standing near an open door. She smiled up as Anders for a moment before turning her attention back to the girl. “I told you it is time for bed.”

“But Mamá, I had to get the door. Look, it's Anders.” she said as if Ari couldn't already see that.

“Uncle can get the door. You, missy, are late to bed. Come on.” Ari said sternly.

“Can Anders put me to bed and tell me a story?” she whined.

“You already had your story, you're stalling, go.” Ari motioned to the room, while Alistair chuckled without looking up from his reading.

“Keep laughing King, she's going to be yours to deal with alone soon enough.” Ari grumbled at Alistair playfully. “Put down that paperwork and be the host while I get her to sleep, please.”

Alistair put down the papers, and stood looking at Anders. Anders got the distinct impression he was being sized up once again.

“Brandy?” Alistair finally asked, pouring a glass for them both when Anders nodded. “She's very bossy you know.” he commented as he handed the glass to Anders and sat back down.

Anders grinned. “I did report to her, I remember.” He'd never been around Royalty before, and was feeling unsure how he was supposed to behave. He knew Ari was relaxed with him, but that didn't mean the King wanted others to behave that way.

Alistair hummed in agreement to Anders statement while sipping the Brandy. The entire time he kept an eye on the mage, to the point where Anders felt like he had to fight the urge to fidget. He wondered if the King used this same stare down in negotiations, and decided if he did, he probably won most of them.

“I seem to recall at the time her telling me you were often having to be reprimanded. Something about being a little to friendly working your way through the Wardens.” the King raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, well, I was enjoying the freedom from the circle I suppose.” Anders shrugged.

“You better not just be trying to finish up your way through the ranks,” the King said in no uncertain terms.

“Pardon?” Anders said, fairly certain he'd just been insulted but not wanting to challenge a King either.

“I'm just looking to see what your angle is here.” The King replied.

“I don't think...” Anders started to say.

Alistair interrupted. “From where I stand I don't see much reason to trust you right now. So if this is just a game maybe you should just ...”

“Alistair Therin if you finish that sentence I will smack you,” Ari growled, although quietly so not to wake her daughter.

Alistair sighed but didn't argue his point, instead just taking another sip of brandy.

“I'm getting a coat, and then I am going out. You and I will talk later about this.” she glared at Alistair.

It was then that Anders noticed there only appeared to be two bedrooms off of the main room, and that Ari was going into the room that Eleanor wasn't sleeping in for her coat. The room he assumed the King also slept in. He gulped down the rest of the brandy suddenly worrying that he was getting in the way of a jealous king.

Ari walked out of the other bedroom with a coat around her. She shot the King another glare before turning to look at Anders with a smile that always warmed his heart. “Come on,” she said reaching for his hand. “Let's go join everyone before I commit regicide”

The walked out into the main courtyard of Skyhold holding hands heading towards the tavern. Anders was quiet, pondering the best way to ask what he wanted to know. He finally landed on just blustering through it. “Ari”

She stopped and turned to look at him with a smile. “What's wrong?” she asked, becoming worried.

Anders looked back to where the suite was. “Its.... well am I stepping in something here?”

Ari looked at him confused. “I don't understand? What are you asking me?”

Anders sighed, but kept her hand in his. “Ok, look. I hear what some of the nobles around here are saying, and I thought it was just rumors. But tonight, well he's obviously not ok with me, jealous even if I guessed. And you're sharing a room with him from what I see. I have enough enemies, I'm not looking to add a king to that list, especially if he thinks he already has a claim to you.”

Ari shook her head and then looked around before finding the entry to a storage room. She pulled Anders with her. Once the door was closed she spoke.

“Ok, first off, you haven't 'stepped in anything'. There's nothing between me and Ali, I'm all yours” as if to prove her point she leaned up on her toes and gave him a soft kiss on his lips. Anders held her there around the waist to keep the kiss going. When she finally did pull away, he had a small smile, but still looked concerned.

“Have you told him that, because he seemed upset.” Anders asked her.

“He's not jealous, Anders. He's in over-protective big brother mode, probably because he hasn't seen me in three years. If it makes you feel any better he was just as bad with Zevran. He spent months trying to keep the two of us apart. You see how well that worked,” she gave him a small smile. “As for where my coat is, that's more complicated.”

She sat down on one of the crates in the room, only light from a small window breaking into it. “I'm sleeping in Eleanor's rooms with her, but in terms of appearance, it needs to look like I'm in Ali's. The rumors you're hearing, those were placed around purposefully by the Inquisition spies. I have little doubt sooner or later the Crows will catch wind I'm here. When they do, we can't do anything that would indicate Eleanor is my daughter.”

“So they all think you're his mistress? Would they really try to kill a child?” Anders asked trying to catch up.

Ari shook her head, and looked at her hands in her lap. “It's worse,” she said quietly. “They want to take her and make her one of them. Keeping that from happening is worth anything I have to do.”

Anders realized then she was quietly crying. He stepped in front of her and pulled her up to standing. He said nothing, but tilted her head up, kissing her again, trying to pour all his strength into her.

“You're not mad?” she asked him, “About what people are saying?”

Anders shook his head and pulled her in for a hug. He loved how she fit so well along him, his head sitting just over hers, as if she was made just for him. “You're protecting someone you love, how can I be mad at you for that?”

***

Ari and Eleanor sat cuddled on the couch of their suite with Marian on the other side. Eleanor had out the book Fenris had given her on Ferelden legends and it was open to the page with her grandparents drawing on it.

“This was your Mamá and Papá?” the Princess asked pointing to the picture.

Ari nodded. “Yes, they were mine and Uncle Fergus' parents. That's your Grandda Bryce and your Grandma Eleanor. They would have loved you so much.”

“And I have her name?” she asked.

Ari nodded again. “Yes, you were named after her. And your middle name is for Alistair, your Uncle King.”

The Princess turned to look at Marian. “Mamá yelled at him today.” and then looked back at her stories, apparently having nothing more to say.

Marian smirked, “So where is he now? Hiding?”

“Atoning” Ari chuckled.

***

Anders sat at a table in the tavern with Cullen and Fenris playing cards and just talking. They looked up when they noticed someone standing near them. Alistair stood by the table watching them.

“Is this seat free?” he asked. They motioned for him to join him and he beckoned over the waitress. “Another round on me, please.”

“Yes Your Highness,” she said bowing away.

“I hate that,” he grumbled.

Cullen dealt him in. “So what brings you out here, Alistair.” he asked, having learned long ago just to not bother using any titles, that Alistair preferred to be just Alistair.

“Well,” he said looking around the table. “Apparently I'm a sweetheart who clearly worries about his sister but I'm also an ass that needs to take the time to get to know her suitor or something rather painful will be done to me with a block of cheese.”

Cullen laughed out loud, “I'm glad to see I'm not the only one she can terrify with that temper.”

Alistair shook his head and then sighed. “She's not completely wrong, but Maker, don't tell her I said that. Everything I know about you is either from over ten years ago or stories from Kirkwall. I'm not the same man I was during the blight, I shouldn't just assume you are either. I'm sorry.”

Anders nodded. “I will admit, you have the intimidating King look down very well. If my intentions weren't good, you would have scared me off for sure.”

Alistair took a drink from his mug. “Yeah, well the first time we met Zevran, he was trying to kill us, so being a womanizer in the Wardens should be less of a deal in comparison.”

“He what?” Anders said surprised. “I never heard that. I knew he was a Crow, but this is new information.”

Alistair nodded picking up his cards and began to tell them the story of Howe's hiring of the Crows to do in the Wardens.

***

Several hours later Alistair entered his suite, “Ladies” he said with a drunken bow causing Marian and Ari to giggle. Eleanor having long been put to bed

“So, had a good time then?” Ari asked trying to suppress another laugh at Alistair as he weaved over to her.

He bent over and gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. “I approve.” he slurred and then stumbled into his bedroom.

Ari and Marian cracked up laughing after the door closed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a little piece that takes place after the Tavern. I hope you like it. It's Ari talking about her feelings for Anders 
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/5000779


	30. Leather Pants

Ari knocked on the door to his room, a sweet roll in her hand. When he hadn't come down for breakfast she thought she'd check on him. The door opened to the room and her mouth went dry immediately. Anders stood in just a pair of leather pants, probably from the night before, and nothing else. He couldn't help but smirk seeing the look on her face as she gawked at him.

He stood back to let her enter. She did, her eyes never leaving him. “I,um, I thought maybe considering the shape Alistair is in today, that, uh, you might not be doing so well yourself. So I, um, here.” she shoved the plate with the sweet roll forward awkwardly.

Anders chuckled, taking it from her hand and placing it on the dresser near him. He stepped closer to her, his eyes dark and focused on her. She was frozen in place unable to stop staring at him. “No shirt” she said as he laughed again and moved closer his hand curling around her face as he bent down for a kiss.

“No,” he said pressing his lips to hers, taking the opportunity when she gasped to twist his tongue with hers. Her arms wrapped around his back and pulled him closer. Anders placed his free hand on the small of her back and started leading her back until she was pinned between him and the wall.

The hand from her back moved around her waist, he slowly started to pry her shirt from her waistband with his finger tips. At the same time Ari continued to hold him close with one arm clamped to his back. The other hand began to trace out his chest and slowly move down to his stomach. She could feel him smile against her lips as she let out an appreciative purr at the feel of his muscles under her fingertips.

Anders lips left hers as he began to kiss his way to her ear, enjoying the moan she made as he nibbled on her lobe. He had managed to work her shirt free and his hand was now slowly moving up her abdomen. He wanted to give her time to stop him but she gave no indication that he should.

“Anders”, she moaned his name breathlessly as his hand brushed along her breast over her wrap.

He began to gently massage it while working her nipple to a peak slowly through the fabric. His lips returned to hers, swallowing her cries.

The hand that was at his back moved down to his behind and pulled him closer. He rolled his hips against her and she made a moan he was desperate to hear again when she felt how aroused he was. She pulled at him again and he followed her unasked request rolling his hips again. Her breathing increased as she moved one hand into his hair. He continued playing with the tight points of her breasts, eliciting beautiful sounds from her that he never wanted her to stop making.

There was a small knock at the door. They ignored it as neither wanted to stop their hands moving across the other and his lips moved to her neck as she let out another sigh. Another knock. Anders placed his nose along her neck.

“What?” he called out before running his tongue along her throat causing her to shiver.

A tiny voice called out. “Anders, have you seen my Mamá? She's supposed to take me to shoot my bow.”

Anders let out a sigh and moved his forehead to hers. “Sorry,” Ari whispered. Anders shook his head and kissed her gently.

“She'll meet you in five minutes out front, Princess.” he called out, helping Ari tuck her shirt back in.

“Oh, ok,” the girl called out and then silence.

“Sorry,” Ari said again as he smiled and kissed her again.

“Hmmm, don't be sorry love. This just means I'll be thinking of you all day.” Anders gave her another soft kiss as he led her to the door. “Dinner tonight?” he asked to which she nodded, still unable to find her voice.

***

At dinner that night, and every night for the next several days Eleanor joined them along with their other friends. After the first night, she insisted on wanting to sit next to Anders. She had become fascinated with any stories he would tell her, or jokes he might have.

Ari watched the two interact from across the table. Her grin didn't go unnoticed by Varric. “I think there's a friendship brewing there.”

Ari nodded. She knew it was early yet in their relationship, in fact they hadn't really done much to show they were more then friends in front of Eleanor. She wanted the girl to not have to worry about having to share her mother's time. Still, it warmed her heart to see how quickly Eleanor had taken to Anders, and how good he was with her. _Maybe someday_ , she thought to herself.

*** 

The morning of the ball, the Princess sat next to Anders at breakfast holding onto his arm, her mother on the other side of Anders, and Varric across the way. Varric was entertaining Eleanor with a story about the time that he, Hawke and Anders fought a High Dragon. She was enjoying the story, interrupting often to ask questions, and looking to Anders for confirmation that it was all true. Eleanor was laughing when Anders would add in nonsense like how the dragon was purple, or that it had a stuffed bronto that it slept with. A scout walked over to let Ari know that it was requested for her to join the War Room to discuss the Wardens.

As Ari was about to stand to leave, Anders leaned over to give her a gentle peck on her lips. “I’ll see you at the dinner tonight?” he asked holding her hand.

She nodded and blushed. He loved that even after the past week, she still blushed when he kissed her.

As she left he turned back in his seat, and suddenly noticed the cold look he was getting from the girl next to him.

“You are _not_ my Papá” she growled at him, getting up and running to the King who was just entering the hall with Fenris. Anders saw her pointing back to him, when the King knelt to speak to her. The King just nodded and took her hand leading her away towards his meeting room.

“Ouch,” said Varric, when Anders turned back around. “I didn't think Little Crow would get that upset. I thought she adored you”

“I should have seen it coming,” he said, shaking his head. He worried what would happen once Ari found out. He knew she was devoted to her daughter. Would she say they were over just as they began given how upset Eleanor just was?

 

**Art from frank-a-lank.tumbler.com:**


	31. Shoes and Potions

Evelyn watched with a secret delight as her normally stoic Spymaster turned into a squealing teenager as soon as the War Council meeting broke and she had hugged the Hero. Both immediately started laughing and talking quickly. Evelyn couldn’t help the smile on her face, seeing how happy the old friends were to see each other again after so many years.

“You MUST let me do your hair for the dinner tonight, for old times sake!” Leliana laughed.

“I’d have no one else but you dare touch it of course” Ari nodded. “OOO, how about we put Ali’s hair into little braids like we did that one time!”

Josephine looked horrified, unsure if she was serious.

“Oh Josie, relax, we only embarrass him at events there won’t be a bunch of nobles at!” Leliana laughed when she saw the Ambassador’s face.

“Well, you are going to take me shoe shopping while I’m here I hope” Ari asked pointing to her walking boots. “Just look at what I have right now. Dorian tsks at me every time he sees them, and your Lady Vivienne keeps telling me how ‘sadly out of date you are for a noble’.”

“Of course!” the Spymaster nodded. “We can make a day of it in Val Royeaux!”

“Evelyn, and Josie, you too! It’ll be a girls day out” Ari said smiling at the others.

Evelyn beamed at the chance to go do something as silly as shoe shopping with the Hero. “I’m in”

The Ambassador nodded, looking just as excited. Cullen just shook his head, wondering if he could start inviting Bull to the meetings so he was no longer the lone male having to listen to discussions on shoes and hair.

As they all exited the room, there was a scout there waiting for them, “You’ve been requested in the Undercroft by Arcanist Dagna, Lady Arainai”.

“Looks like news on the cure then,” Leliana winked.

“How did you… oh right, Spymaster!” Ari laughed, waving goodbye as she walked to the Undercroft.

Once in the main hall, she spotted Anders talking to Varric. As she approached they both stopped whatever they were talking about, Varric nodded and left, to walk out of the hall with Hawke as she walked by.

“You busy?” she asked with a smile that instantly made him feel a little more at ease to see she was at least smiling. “There’s Warden business, I think you should join us for it” she reached for his hand which he took, but the sadness returned to his eyes as soon as she looked away.

The King was already there when she arrived, laughing at whatever Dagna was describing to him with wild gestures. He turned and nodded to his fellow Wardens when he saw them enter.

“Oh great, you’re here!” Dagna chirped with excitement. “I just finished my last tests this morning.” Holding up a potion, she continued “It removed all traces of the taint from the blood, without any side effects that I could see.” She was practically bouncing at this point.

“But we still need to test it out on a living Warden?” Ari asked, less enthusiastically than Dagna. She looked at Alistair, just like the blight, one of them would have to take a risk of death. Ari started to wonder when fate was going to cut them a break.

Ari began to grab for the bottle. “No.” the King growled.

“Well you can't do it, you're the King”, Ari argued.

“Well you're certainly not going to. We just got you back, I'm not risking losing you again”, Alistair countered.

“Well then what? This seems a little too important for 'Rock, Paper, Knives'”, Ari gumbled.

Anders watched the two argue back and forth for a few minutes before he snatched the potion from Dagna’s hand and gulped it down.

“Anders!” he heard Ari yell out before he hit the floor and the room went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep reading before you decide to send the Crows after me!! Please!


	32. Wherein we still love the author

Alistair and Ari watched in horror as Anders downed the potion quicker than either could react. Ali suddenly felt a horrible feeling of déjà vu, remembering Loghain taking out the Archdemon in her place years ago.

“Anders!” she yelled, watching in panic as his eyes went black and he collapsed. No, NO! Not again, she thought, looking to Alistair. She was suddenly thrown back to a day in Denerim, when Alistair had to tell her that her world was shattered. She felt her heart squeeze. She could not survive if he was about to do that again. As if reading her mind, Alistair took her hand and squeezed. Letting go, he kneeled to where Anders lied.

After a moment, he looked to her, taking her hand again. “The blighted fool will live.” He said squeezing her hand again. “Dagna, set up that cot so we can get him off the floor.” He and Harrit lifted the mage and placed him on the cot.

Anders awoke about 10 minutes later, opening his eyes and sitting up to see an annoyed, yet worried looking Ari standing over him. Alistair stated in a sing-songy voice “You’re in trouble.” He then leaned in a little, “You may want to protect your nose.”

“What in the Maker were you thinking?! I should kill you for that stunt”, Ari yelled as he stood up, smacking him in the chest. She then immediately pulled him into a hug.

“You’re sending me mixed messages here, sweetheart,” he said, returning the hug, partially to keep her arms pinned so as not to get hit again. She smacked him in the back. _So much for that_ he thought.

“He couldn’t take it,” Anders nodded to Alistair, “He’s the King of Ferelden, and I doubt you’d want Eleanor to have to become leader already. And you couldn’t do it, she needs you, so that left me. Of the three of us, I was the only expendable one.”

“There’s Blackwell too,” Ari reminded him, “and you’re not expendable to me.”

Anders sighed, and let Ari step back, ending the hug. “He wasn’t here, and at least now we know it works. Does it?” he asked looking to Dagna who was using some type of instrument to read him.

“Aye,” the Dwarf replied. “The taint is not reading in your blood anymore, how about your other vitals?”

Anders hands glowed blue as he ran them over his body. “All seems to check out.”

“Do you hear the calling anymore?” Alistair asked, with concern.

Anders eyes moved around as if trying to listen carefully, searching in his head, but hearing the song no more he shook his head.

Ari immediately picked Dagna up into a huge hug, tears starting to run down her face. “Dagna, you… you have no idea what you just gave me.”

“I should have potions for you both in a few more hours” Dagna beamed at the Hero. “And instructions on how to make it as you need.”

As the three started to walk out of the room, Alistair put his hand on Ari’s arm gently. “A word alone, Sister?” as he looked towards Anders.

“Of course,” she answered stepping to the side with him.

Once they were out of earshot, Alistair turned to her. “Eleanor is in our room. Apparently this morning she saw Anders give you a kiss and then yelled at him,” he paused looking in Anders direction at this. “I think between this and having heard about you and Nathaniel Howe…”

“She thinks I’ve forgotten her father.” Ari finished for him, nodding.

“I think she just needs you to talk with her. I’ll stay away for an hour to give you some time, ok?”, the King bent down to give her a chaste peck on the cheek.

“Thank you,” she said, squeezing his hand.

After the King walked out, giving a nod to Anders as he passed, patting the man on the shoulder, Ali walked over to him, reaching again for his hand. The mage looked like he was waiting for bad news. “Why didn’t you tell me about this morning?” she asked, trying to soften her voice, sensing his fear.

He shrugged in response.

“Did you think if you told me I’d be upset?”, when he didn’t answer she moved closer “Anders” she squeezed his hand again as she said his name, causing him to finally look her in the eyes. “I don’t know how they do things in the Anderfels, but I don’t tend to let my 10 year old decide who I can and can’t kiss.” As if to make her point, she leaned up and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

She could see the tension leave Anders almost immediately when she pulled back. “She just seemed so upset,” he explained. “I just thought, you wouldn’t want her to be so unhappy.”

“While that’s true, I really think her outburst had very little to actually do with you, and more to do with something else altogether. Give me some time to go talk with her. I’ll see you at the dinner tonight, ok?”

Anders reached for her, and pulled her in for another kiss, holding her around the waist, still feeling a little trepidation at what might come from her talk with Eleanor, and wanting to make sure he got in one more kiss just in case it was the last. He gave her a smile, trying to reassure himself as much as her as she walked off towards royal quarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See! See! I told you it would all be ok. You can cancel that contract, right?


	33. Jewelry never hurts

Ari entered the main room of the suite. The Princess was on the floor drawing. Ari nodded to the nanny, indicating with tilt of her head that she wished to be alone with Eleanor. Ari sat on the couch, looking at her daughter on the floor. She was not surprised to see she was drawing a picture with Fenris as the focal point. Eleanor seemed to think the glowing, broody elf was just the most fascinating person she had ever met, and as a result, he was the star in many of her drawings. Ari was pretty sure much of the interest was that he was an elf, like her father.

“Hey little one, let’s get your hair ready for tonight.” She smiled. “Go bring me the brush and that box from the vanity in our room.”

Eleanor returned, sitting on the couch facing to the side so that Ari could get behind her and start to brush out her hair. “So what’ll it be, a Orlesian braid? Or a bun?”

“Braid”, said the girl.

“You remember the rules about tonight, right?” Eleanor nodded her head.

Sounding exasperated, or as much as a 10 year old could she answered“Yes. Uncle King and Commander Bossypants already told me” Ari laughed, knowing that her daughter had picked up that name for Rylock from the King.

“Ok, I won’t bore you then,” she tickled the girl who laughed and smiled again. “Are you excited to see your guests?” She asked.

“Yes,” then she looked away sitting quietly. “Does Anders have to come?”

Ari put down the brush so she could better talk to her. “Well you are the one who invited him, it would be very rude to uninvite him, and you remember, being Princess means being polite. Besides, I thought he was your friend, what happened?” She didn’t want to assume she knew the problem, instead waiting for Eleanor to tell her on her own.

Eleanor looked down for a minute and said nothing. “Why don’t you love Papá anymore?” she asked, with a few tears running down her face.

Ari picked the girl up and placed her in her lap, holding her tight and starting to rock her. “Oh sweetheart. I still love your Papá very much. I will never ever ever stop, I promise you that,” She kissed her on the top of her head.

“But you kissed Uncle Nate, and you kissed Anders. You used to kiss only Papá.” She sniffed looking at her mother.

“Well Princesa, remember I told you, Uncle Nate was a long long time ago. Long before I met your Papá.” Eleanor nodded.

“You miss Papá right?” again Eleanor nodded, still holding her mother around the chest. “I miss him too. But you know, we can remember him by telling stories about him, just like Uncle King does when you go to bed.” Eleanor nodded again. “And you know we always carry him here,” Ari took the girl’s hand and placing it to her chest. “Your Papá will always always be right here, just like he’s here,” she said pointing to her daughter’s chest.

“Your papá loved us both very very much, and we were very lucky to have him,” she continued.

“We are his preciosas niñas” the girl smiled, remember what her father used to call them wiping at a tear.

“Yes we are,” she squeezed her daughter again. “But as much as we love him, he is gone. And it’s very unfair, and it’s ok to cry about it. But sweety, what’s not ok is for us to just stop living our lives. Your Papá would not want us to do that. He’d want us to be happy, and love life, and have new adventures. That is the best way we can honor him, because he loved life with a big passion.”

Shifting the girl to sit next to her again she continued talking to her “Do you understand?”

Eleanor nodded, “But I still miss him”

Ari picked up the box Eleanor had brought over.

“Do you know, the first time your papá held you he cried?” she asked.

Eleanor looked at her with wide eyes. This was not a story she had heard before, she loved new stories about her parents. “He did?”

Ari nodded. “He did, but he didn’t know that I saw. He thought I was still asleep. He was talking to you. That was when he started calling you Princesa.” She touched her nose at saying the girls nickname.

“But I wasn’t a Princess then,” Eleanor replied.

“To him you were. He said you were his little Princesa. He told you that he would always love you and always take care of you. He said he’d always keep you safe and he couldn’t wait to show you the world and to watch you grow. He loved you from the minute he held you.”

Eleanor beamed at this, her tears all but dry by now. She adored her father, and hearing a new story about him made her happy.

“That day he gave Mamá this,” Ari pulled out a necklace with a Silverite heart pendant. “He said that his heart was now full. He told me that he never thought he’d have a family of his very own, and that he was so grateful that I gave him one. He gave me this so that I’d always remember I had filled his heart.” Ari put the necklace over the girls head, placing it around her neck. “And now I’m giving this to you, so you always have this, to remember how much he loved you. So you can remember how much you filled his heart.”

The little girl looked down at the necklace, which was long on her, but Ari knew it she would grow into it. It played against the locket she wore from the King nicely. She rubbed the heart with her fingers, looking with wonder. She kneeled up and put her arms around her mother. “Thank you, Mamá” she whispered in her ear. Ari gave the girl another hug. They both turned to the door, hearing Alistair enter.

“How are my girls?” he asked with a smile, sitting on the opposite side of the couch.

“I think we’re better now,” Ari smiled to him, as Eleanor climbed into the King’s lap.

“Look what Mamá gave me,” she said showing off her new necklace.

Alistair picked up the pendant and smiled at the girl, “Very pretty, this looks like a special necklace.”

Eleanor nodded, “It’s from Papá” she smiled as she put her arms around the King’s neck.

“Uncle King,” she said.

“Yes?” he asked with a funny voice, raising an eyebrow, causing the girl to giggle.

“I don’t think Papá wouldn't want Mamá to be sad anymore.” She told the King very matter-of-factly.

“Ah,” replied the King. “So how will we make Mamá happy? Should we get her lots of cheese? Little cakes? Puppies?”

Eleanor shook her head and laughed, “No” and then she whispered something in the King’s ear. He nodded and said to Eleanor, “Yes, I think that would be a good way to do that. Do you want to tell her our decision, or should I?”

The Princess climbed over to Ari, and leaned in to whisper in her ear. “You should kiss Anders again.” She then giggled and took off to her room. Ari laughing at her as she left.

“I’m pretty sure that’s what I already told her, but she didn’t want to listen to me. Apparently I should have given her shiny jewelry?” he asked with a laugh.

“It never hurts to give a lady jewelry” Ari smiled as Leliana entered to help with her hair.

The two women went off to the girls' room to prepare for the dinner, leaving the King to laugh and shake his head as he walked off to his room to also prepare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter is ok. I don't have kids, so this is all just how I picture it in my head, but I always get a little nervous when writing Eleanor.


	34. Fire and Dance

Anders stood in the hall near the banquet room. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this nervous, probably sometime in Kirkwall, he guessed. He was not dressed in his usual robes, instead he somehow let Dorian convince him to wear black trousers and a grey shirt. His hair was pulled back, much like he used to wear in Kirkwall. He was starting to feel nervous without his staff on his back. All that nervousness stopped when he saw Ari enter the hall with another woman he didn’t know, but by the way they were keeping their heads together and laughing, it was someone she was friends with. Anders suddenly felt like he forgot how to breath when he looked at her. She was wearing a full length emerald blue dress with sleeves that appeared to be made of lace, that covered her shoulders and stopped at the elbow. Her hair was in an elaborate twist that showed off her long neck, and a pendant necklace that matched the color of her dress. Maker, he thought, she’s beautiful, I'm a lucky bastard. He felt himself gulp as she stopped in front of him with a smile.

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” she said giggling with her friend. Wait! Did he say that out loud, Andraste’s knickers he was in trouble.

“Anders,” she said, taking his hand, “this is Leliana. She is one of the Inquisitors advisers, but she and I traveled together during the Blight.”

Anders took the woman’s hand and kissed the back of it, with a slight bow. “Well now I know who to go to in order to find out all your dark secrets.” He joked.

“Be careful, she probably knows all of yours too!” Ari warned, causing the two women to giggle again. Leliana talked to them both for just a minute before saying she’d see them again inside. Anders barely heard a thing either of them had said, he couldn’t seem to stop staring at Ari.

“You can relax,” she joked, elbowing him gently. “We talked earlier, I do believe you’re back on the Princess’s friend list again” she added a smile to reassure him.

“Does that mean I’m allowed to do this again?” He asked, leaning in to give her a brief kiss on the lips.

“You never stopped being allowed that. But I do think you won’t get yelled at by her Highness again for it,” she replied, giving him a warm smile, and wrapping her hand around his arm, turning to walk with him to the banquet. “And compliment her necklace if you really want to keep in her good graces.”

Once inside Anders started to relax a little more as he saw a few familiar faces in Cullen, Fenris, Hawke and Varric. He noticed some hushed whispers among the nobles as they walked in. He assumed they were about him, but he noticed a look of hurt flash upon Ari’s face quickly and then disappear just as fast, returning to her warm smile. He wondered how much of that was her noble up-bringing taking over.

As they walked over towards Fenris, Hawke and Varric, he could hear just a few words from their whispers, “Clinging”, “Mistress”, “Desperate”, “King”. He realized they were talking about Ari, not him. The muscle in his arm she was holding tightened, but she kept smiling forward, showing no indication she heard anything.

They joined the others, Hawke handed her a glass of wine which she happily took, as the two women spoke in whispers. Varric leaned over near Anders, “Firefly is stunning, you remembering to breath?” he asked, laughing at the nervousness on Anders’ face.

“Barely”, Anders joked back with a smile unable to keep his eyes off her.

Fenris chuckled, "It doesn't get easier with time." he nodded to indicate Hawke, who he had his eyes on.

They all turned as they heard the horns and the royal party entered. Ari reached for Anders hand as soon as they did.

“Announcing their Royal Highnesses of Ferelden, King Alistair Theirin and Princess Ele Theirin.” The man at the top of the stairs announced. Anders noticed Ari squeezed his hand a bit tighter when Eleanor’s name was called out. Everyone bowed in honor, but Alistair was quick to request they all rise. While he hadn’t had much dealings with the King, he struck Anders as someone who was uncomfortable with all the formality that was involved with the title. Something that made Anders warm to him quickly and see why Ari adored the man.

After they descended the stairs, the King was quickly set upon by several nobles, whom the Ambassador appeared to be introducing. The Princess quickly looked bored, and seeing their group at the other end of the room, she made a beeline right for them.

She stopped in front, made a curtsy and spoke up, “Hi Ma…” pausing when Ari raised an eyebrow. “Lady Arainai, Master Anders.”

Ari curtsied back, “Your Highness. It is a pleasure to see you.”

It was right at that moment that it finally hit Anders like a bag of bricks what it meant when Cullen told him how she had to sacrifice for Eleanor’s safety. He had thought it just meant that Eleanor lived at Denerim Castle while Ari was on the road. But watching now he realized it was so much more than that, so much more painful for Ari. In private, she may have been Eleanor’s mother, with kisses and cuddles and laughter, but here, in the public eye, she was nothing at all to Eleanor. As far as everyone was concerned, Eleanor was the King’s daughter, no relation at all to Ari. Even having his last name now instead of her father's, which by how she had squeezed his hand, he guessed was painful for her to hear, even if it had been by her own suggestion that the King do so. Tonight, she and Eleanor had to pretend they only had a passing relationship.

He remembered their talk from the other night. Suddenly the whispering made sense. She was willing to put herself through the pain of tonight, the nasty words being said about her, having to keep an arms length from her daughter. This is what she meant about doing what was necessary to keep her safe. As he looked at her, he realized that she was even stronger than he had ever thought before. He didn’t think it was possible to admire the woman more than he already had, but once again she had proven him wrong.

Remembering the advice she had given him, Anders finally found his voice, “That’s a beautiful necklace, Princess.”

Eleanor instantly beamed at him. Her smile huge, she tugged on his sleeve to indicate he should bend down. When he did she whispered in his ear, “It’s from Papá, so that I don’t miss him as much”. He nodded to her and then said back, “You know, Hawke and Fenris and I helped him once in Kirkwall”

This was another story she had never heard about Zevran, so he immediately had her attention. The Princess grabbed his hand, and pulled him over to a table so he could tell her the story.

“Isn’t that just like a man, can’t keep their eyes off of you until a younger woman comes around”, laughed Hawke as Ari looked on smiling to see Anders gesturing as he wove his tale to the Princess.

“I think your gift for storytelling may be rubbing off on him, Varric.” Ari teased.

Fenris interrupted them to request a dance with his wife. At that point one of the Nobles appeared next to them and bowed slightly while reaching his hand out for Ari. “Would you honor me with the pleasure of a dance, Hero?” he asked. Knowing that it was impolite to refuse, Ari took his hand, handing her glass to Varric, and allowed the Noble to lead her to the dance floor. At first the dance was pleasant enough, Lord Meerham was his name, and he was Orlesian. But as the dance continued, his hands started to wander ever so slightly.

“I think you forget yourself, Ser” Ari said politely.

His grip on her waist and arm tightened just a bit at this. “My dear, do not play coy with me. I know after the King leaves in the morning you will be looking for a new bed warmer. I can provide you with much better accommodations than that mage.” He said looking towards Anders as he spoke

Ari could feel her anger start to grow. It was one thing for them to think this of her, quite another for this Noble to think he had the right to act on it. His hand started to wander down her back again, when he suddenly pulled it away as if he’d been shocked. He looked startled for a second, shaking his hand and returning it to her waist. She looked in Anders direction out of the corner of her eye hoping to catch it so that he might step in, but he seemed to be completely focused on whatever it was the Princess was saying to him, not noticing Ari at all.

She tried to pull away at that point, but again he held her tight in his grip, this time leaning in to her ear. “There are things we Orlesians can do your Ferelden King would never dream of. I will have you screaming my name, you will forget the foolish Royal ever existed”, suddenly snapping back again, this time she had heard the crackle when whatever it was hit him. Meerham looked around again as did she. Anders was still completely focused on Eleanor. As far as she knew, there were no other mages in the room, but someone was definitely watching

This time the Lord Meerham took her arm, pulling her off the dance floor. His grip on her arm such that she could not twist away. While she knew she could defend herself if she needed to, she didn’t want to risk embarrassing the Inquisitor or the King by punching his lights out. He loomed over her in such a way that she was nearly unnoticeable between him and the wall. Meerham had her hands pinned down by his at her sides, as he leaned down to her ear. “All this fight in you, it makes for a more pleasurable experience in the bedroom. You and I are going to have such fun, My lady.”

A second later the arm of the Noble’s shirt was on fire. That was enough of a distraction to allow her to move away from him quickly, and while she couldn’t get past the crowd to where her friends stood, she could get over to where Cullen was watching over the floor.

“Your dance partner seems to have caught on fire,” he said with a smirk, still looking forward.

“He had it coming,” she replied, he could sense the anger in her voice.

“Seeing as how he has a distinct lack of a broken nose or jaw, I’d say you showed quite a bit of restraint,” He turned looking directly at her. “Should I have him removed”

She shrugged with a sly grin in return. “I suspect he’ll keep his distance from me now.”

“Since you’re over here, using the Commander of the Inquisitor’s Army as a shield to keep other handsy Noble’s away, could I ask you for a favor in return? Something personal for me?” he asked quietly.

He led her slightly away where they had more privacy. He lowered his voice “There’s a ball I’ve been told I must attend in a few months. And, well” he started tugging at his shirt collar and slowly starting to blush, “Templars… um… they don’t have occasion to dance, so I’ve never learned, but… um….” he started looking around.

“You want me to teach you, in case you decide to get up the courage to ask a certain Inquisitor?” she finished for him, deciding it would be a kindness to not make the man stumble through this anymore. He nodded seemingly relieved that she understood.

“It would be my honor Ser Knight,” she curtsied with a wink. “I think it’s sweet.”

She turned to walk towards her friends, stopping to look back at Cullen “I am really liking this side of you, Cullen. You seem happy. Come find me tomorrow before you chicken out. It’ll be a welcome distraction to me after they leave, truth be told.”

He nodded to her again, returning again to his post. She could see now that the Princess was back alongside the King, speaking with the Inquisitor this time, and that Anders was talking once again with Hawke, Fenris and Varric. This time, however his eyes were fixed right on Ari, moving the length of her dress, causing her to feel warm again. She gave him a small smile and walked slowly back to the group, enjoying the feel of his eyes upon her.

As soon as she was beside her, he slid his arm around her waist. “Was that you?” she asked, small tears in her eyes to be relieved to finally be back where she felt safe.

Anders’ arm around her tightened just a little more around her waist pulling him closer. He bent his head down to whisper in her ear. “If he had touched you again, it would have been more than his arm on fire. You are with me tonight, and I will set all these fool nobles on fire to keep you safe”. He could feel the shiver run down her as his lips brushed along her ear when he whispered in it. That shiver made him feel like he suddenly wanting to feel that again.

Turning to his friends, he said,“If you will both excuse us, I believe this dance is mine” as he took Ari’s hand and led her to the floor.


	35. Stronger Than You Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loving all your comments and Kudos. Thank you so much.  
> Things start heating up between these two finally!!

As they started dancing he couldn’t help but smile as she watched him with a slight blush. His one hand was laced with hers, but his other was around her waist, and every time he ran his hand down her spine, he could feel that slight shiver again. That he could do that to her with a single touch started filling him with pride. He started wondering what other reactions she would have to his touch in other places, and he remembered the beautiful sounds she made the other day in his room. He had to stop himself from following that path of thought any further.

As the dance ended, he rose his hand to her jaw touching it lightly with his thumb, which she leaned into. “You, quite simply, are the most beautiful, amazing, strong woman here. It is no wonder those stupid Nobles are jealous,” he grinned.

She batted her eyes at him, and leaned up on her toes to give him a light kiss on the lips, leaning over to take her turn to whisper in his ear. “Let them be, it’s only you I have eyes for tonight” and she took delight in the fact that she could feel his hand on her waist tighten slightly at her words.

Before he could respond, he felt a tap on the shoulder. He prepared to tell whoever it was to bugger off, but when he saw it was the King, he bowed as he handed Ari’s hand to him.

As the pair started to dance, Alistair chuckled, “I hope I’m not risking catching on fire with cutting in.”

“I believe you are safe, Your Highness,” She smiled to him.

“I’m pretty sure the Ambassador was about to have kittens when she saw that,” Alistair chuckled again. “These dinners are so much more fun when you’re here my dear.”

“Well, maybe the Ambassador should do a better job vetting the guest list then. Just make sure he keeps far, far away from the Princess,” she whispered this last part.

“What happened? Did he try to hurt you?” Alistair asked, with concern in his eyes.

“It's fine, he just thought with you leaving he could move in.” She said, looking down.

“It's not fine, and being King means nothing if I can't keep those I love safe. It'll be taken care of.” he said in no uncertain terms. Ari nodded knowing there was little point to argue with him.

As they danced she saw that Varric and the Princess had began to dance, much to the Eleanor’s delight she was sure, finally having a dance partner the same height as her. Hawke had also joined Anders on the floor, although Ari noticed he never let her out of his sight. And the look he was giving her was enough to almost make her knees buckle.

Alistair spoke again, “Are you still sure about this? I want to toss my drink on the next fool that makes some comment about you, but I need to be all kingly.”

“Ali” she whispered his name. “For her it’s worth it. If they knew who she was, they might come after her, just for spite. I can defend myself, but she’s just a little girl. She needs to be safe. If my name being sullied is the price, it’s worth it.”

The King nodded, “Well, just let him know I wouldn’t complain about a few more Nobles bursting into flames. In fact, I could use that at more gatherings at the palace.” He laughed again. Ari loved how easily Alistair could always laugh, no matter how much was pressing on him as King.

***

The rest of the dinner went less eventful, most of the nobles keeping their distance. After a few hours, Eleanor’s nanny arrived to take the very sleepy Princess back to her room. After she had left, Ari reached for Anders arm “Care to join me for a walk?”, he nodded and led her out to the courtyard in Skyhold. They walked in silence for a while, arriving in the gardens, which, while usually bustling during the day, was all but deserted at this hour. Ari stood along one of the Keep walls looking up at the moon, Anders stood next to her. She leaned her head against his arm, still saying nothing.

“Are you ok?” he asked softly, looking over at her.

“Yes, no, it’s just hard is all. All I want is to be her mother, enjoy her, and having to act as if she barely knows me. I know it’s to keep her safe, I know it is my own decision to have it be this way, but still, my heart doesn’t care. It just hurts. That idiot at the dance didn’t help either, thank you again for the fire. I believe Alistair wants to hire you on for future balls”

He snorted at that, twisting himself so that he know was standing in front of her, one arm on the wall next to her head, with the other hand he brushed his thumb along her cheek, looking into her eyes as she looked up at him. “You never stop amazing me, Ari. Everything you did tonight, what you do every day to keep her safe. You are more remarkable than you know.”, he leaned down to give her a soft kiss. Pulling back, he rested his forehead against hers. “But sweetheart, that dress you’re wearing, the thoughts it puts in my head are anything but pure.”

“Anders” she whispered, looking at him through lidded eyes as she put her arms around behind his neck. He captured her lips again, but this time in a more pressing kiss. Her hands ran through his hair, and he leaned in further, pressing her against the wall as he continued the kiss. He ran his tongue along her lips asking for her to open, which she did. At the same time, his hands ran along her sides, alternating between soft and hard touches. He swallowed a moan that escaped her lips.

Ari felt her knees melt as he pressed into her, somehow he managed to help keep her upright, but when he pushed closer still, she could feel his arousal, and couldn’t help the moan that she let out. She responded by tightening her grip around his neck, pulling him even closer as his lips began to wander down her neck, the feel of his breath on her adding to the excitement. It had been so long, too long since she had felt like this. Years since she had felt a man pressed against her until the other day, and her body sang at the wonderful feel of it. When he finally moved back over her, she saw that same look of lust in his eyes that she had seen earlier on the dance floor.

“Anders,” she whispered again, he smiled at her saying his name. Her hand rubbed along his cheek while she continued to look him in the eyes. “As much as I would enjoy continuing, tonight is the last night I have to tuck Eleanor in before they leave, I…”

He pulled back with a smile, taking her hand into his arm. “Allow me to walk you back to your quarters, My lady”, he bent down, kissing her cheek again. “We have plenty of time to pick this back up later. You should have your time with her now.”

She leaned against his arm the entire way back. When they reached her door, he pulled away, taking her hand and brushing his lips against her knuckles while moving into a bow. “Until tomorrow, sweetheart. I shall see you in my dreams.” He smiled up at her. As he left, she entered the room, leaning her back against the closed door once in. She let out a long breath, and immediately blushed when she heard Alistair call out from the main room, “So, a good night then?” he laughed.


	36. Goodbye for now

Ari didn’t sleep that much, instead she lied in the bed curled around her daughter, memorizing the smell of her hair, the feel of her wrapped in her arms, and the sound of her breath as she slept. She wanted to keep this all in her memory, to keep her sane the next 6 months without her. Knowing there was finally an end date, as opposed to the last three years when she had just been wandering through Thedas looking for a cure, gave her some relief. Knowing she had to let her go tomorrow though, was still causing her heartbreak.

The next morning Alistair had arranged for breakfast to be brought into the suite, to allow Ari more time to spend with just her and Eleanor. It wasn’t exactly alone really, staff around moving Ari’s stuff into the smaller room in the guest tower, where Fenris, Hawke, Anders and other non-noble guests were staying. Josephine had offered to let her keep the room, but Ari didn’t think she’d be able to stay here once Eleanor left without losing her mind, and she felt she’d be more comfortable staying closer to her friends than she would around a bunch of stuffy nobles. In addition to the Skyhold staff, Alistair’s people were also in and out all morning, preparing the King for the trip, collecting his and Eleanor’s belongings. Throughout all the hustle and bustle, Ari and Eleanor sat on the couch, mostly left alone, Ari doing Eleanor’s hair up one last time, hugs and kisses and cuddles freely given between the two. Ari reassured the little girl several times that she would be back in Denerim in six months time, and once there she would not be leaving again, that it would be to stay.

“Can I write you Mamá?” the girl asked.

“Yes, every day if you want. I would love your letters as many as you can write. They will make me so happy, and make me miss you less. I will even write you back. I promise to tell you all about the what's happening here.” She promised, pulling Eleanor into her lap for another hug and kiss.

“As much as I wish I didn’t have to, we need to get ready to leave, Princess,” Alistair said, leaning from behind the couch, with an apologetic look to Ari. This was the part of the trip he was dreading, when he had to separate the two most important people in his life.

Eleanor gave her mother another hug around the neck before they headed out to the front gates where the carriage was waiting for the Royal party. Near the carriage stood Hawke, Cullen, Fenris and Anders, all waiting to say their goodbyes. Hawke was the first to get a hug around the waist from the Princess, and then Fenris. He bent down and gave the girl a hug.

Next came Anders who bent to talk to her. Eleanor gave him a hug around the neck. “Mamá sings again.” She said to him in a whisper.

“I don’t know what that means Princess,” Anders said, returning the hug.

“She used to sing to me every morning. Then when Papá died, she stopped. But she sings to me in the mornings again. Uncle King said I should tell you.” Anders looked at the girl, realizing she didn’t understand the meaning behind her words, but he was grateful just the same.

Finally came Uncle Cullen, who had already bent down, holding his arms out for a large hug. Eleanor threw her arms into him. While they hugged and talked Alistair pulled Anders to the side.

“I don’t know what’s between you two, and I don’t need to know. She’s happy right now,” he said looking to Ari, who was speaking with Hawke, “and as long as you make her happy, we’re ok. But know this Anders,” suddenly darkening his eyes, and getting that intimidating look on his face again, “She and Ele are my only family, and I love her. If you hurt her, you don’t need to worry about my army, or my power. If you hurt her, just remember that I know how to use a sword and I was trained as a Templar, and there is nothing on Thedas that will keep me from coming for you.”

Saying his piece the King turned and walked to Ari giving her a huge hug goodbye and promising to keep her daughter safe once again. Anders gulped, there was very little that could scare him, but he suddenly understood how the King was able to successfully rule, how he had kept the kingdom safe. The man could be downright terrifying when he wanted to be.

As the carriage left, carrying the King and Princess off to Denerim, Ari could feel Anders arms come around her from behind. She leaned against him, she needed to feel surrounded, as her heart felt like it was breaking. She watched them as long as she could see them, until they disappeared from the horizon. Once they were gone, they turned around to head back into Skyhold.

“He threatened you, didn’t he?” she asked him with a smirk.

“Well…” Anders wasn’t sure what he should and shouldn’t say at that point.

Ali just shook her head, “It’s apparently a big brother thing. Consider yourself lucky, Fergus nearly broke Nate’s jaw when he found out about him and me.” She leaned into his arm as they walked.

***

Ari was really glad she had agreed to teach Cullen to dance that afternoon, she was right about needing the distraction. He was not joking about not having the first clue how to dance. She entered the War Room, sure that she must have bruises on the tops of her feet from the number of times he had stepped on them. He was going to be quite the distraction, as he was going to need a lot of work before this ball.

“We’ve tracked the Wardens to Adamant Fortress.” Leliana pointed to the Fortress location on the map.

“We can have our troops ready to leave within a week,” Commander Cullen added.

The Inquisitor nodded. “Then we leave in a week.”

“I’m joining,” Ari spoke, adding before the Commander could interrupt, “I’m the Warden-Commander, this is my responsibility. I WILL be there Commander.”

The Inquisitor nodded to the Hero. “We welcome your help, Hero.”

When Ari returned to her room after the meeting she found a note tacked to her door.

_Meet me in the garden at nightfall._

_-A_


	37. Grapes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to Fandora, for helping me with the idea for this chapter.

_Nate_

_Eleanor is on her way back to Denerim. I expect you and Fergus to make this right, she’s very confused. Don’t be surprised if she’s angry at you. Talk to her, I’m trusting you to fix this._

_Only a little pissed, nothing you haven’t seen before._

_Ari_

***

When Ari arrived at the garden she was surprised to see one of the new recruits standing there – in fact it was one she had knocked into the dirt during training that very morning. “Isadore”, she nodded “Is the garden closed?”

“Yes, Serrah. I mean not to you Serrah” Isadore nodded, allowing Ari to pass by her.

The Inquisition’s gardens were beautiful any day of the year. Even in the middle of winter, they somehow managed to have flowers and exotic plants growing. Tonight, however, tonight it was just breathtaking. Little magic orbs of light hovered around the garden, and under the gazebo sat a blanket, with a spread. She could see wine, some breads and cheeses, and what looked like grapes. Maker, how many years had it been since she’d had a grape? That was not something one came across traveling on the open road. As she stood looking, taking it all in, his arms came around her, and she could feel his hot breath on her ear, “You look stunning, once again”.

Ari felt like her knees were going to give out again, how did he keep having that effect on her? _Andraste give me strength_ , she thought. If just a few words had her melting, how would she ever make it through the night.

Anders came around to take her hand and lead her towards the gazebo. “We’ll join everyone at the Herald’s Rest later, but I thought you could use a little quiet before. I thought today may have been a little tough,” he squeezed her hand as he said this, “I heard you were a little harder than usual on the new recruits in training.” He looked towards the gate where Isadore stood on the other side of.

Ari settled down on the blanket, Anders sat behind, pulling her in closer to him. “Are you holding up ok, sweetheart?” he asked, his voice soft and full of concern. He handed her a glass of wine.

She looked up into his eyes, they were warm, amber, and full of affection. She could see now why all the young Wardens at Vigils Keep seemed to fall around him all those years ago. She realized he was still waiting for an answer, as she leaned back against him against him, taking a sip of the wine. “It’s hard. I will be ok. Cullen’s done a good job of keeping me running around all day, with training, meetings, and all, so it made it easy to keep my mind off her being gone.” She sighed.

Anders shook his head and thought to himself how Cullen was ever the Commander. Even having devised a strategy to keep Ari distracted it seemed, right when he knew she’d need it. It was Cullen that had suggested the picnic when Anders came to him, looking for advice on how to help Ari today. Cullen had said that he had found that when he and Evelyn needed to get away from being Commander and Inquisitor, nothing worked as well as a picnic alone, away from the rest of the world. That was how they wound up with their own “guard” outside the garden, as Anders knew they wouldn’t let him leave Skyhold, requisitioning a piece of it for the night was the next best thing.

Anders held Ari against him with one arm over her midsection while he leaned against one of the pillars of the gazebo. Ari felt like she could just stay here in his arms, just like this all night. It was the first time since that morning that she felt at peace. Anders reached over and grabbed a grape, bringing it to her mouth. She took a bite of the grape, Ari wondered if she could remember having anything so good before. She had had grapes before, but that was back in Highever as a girl, and occasionally in Antiva. Maybe a few times in Denerim castle, but they were a delicacy in Ferelden, something hard to come by as they didn’t grow there because of the cold. As she bit the grape, she could feel the juice escape, some down her throat, but some onto Anders fingers that held the grape.

She reached out and licked the juice off one of the fingers. The arm around her tightened ever so slightly and the hand on her abdomen pulled her a little closer, and she could hear him take a slight intake of breath. She was pretty sure he liked that, but she might have to try again. Purely for scientific discovery, of course.

The next grape was presented, when she took it, she made a point of having it squirt juice. She took his finger into her mouth this time, and licked and sucked the juice from it. She felt it was important to make sure that it was thoroughly clean. It would be rude not to. Again, the arm around her tightened. His breath was on her ear again, “Ari” he moaned. She felt a shiver run down her as his breath tickled her ear.

Lips began to nip at the back of her neck causing her to moan quietly. She could feel something press on her lower back and she knew she was having an effect on him too. The hand on her stomach started to rub possessively while also pulling her closer along him.

“I am the one who’s supposed to be distracting you, but you are not playing fair,” he purred in her ear.

She turned herself so that she was now sitting across his lap. She raised her hand to his cheek and pulled him in for a kiss. He wrapped both arms around her, wandering up and down her body, looking for any contact.

“Have you ever had a grape before, Anders?” she asked him. He shook his head, and so she plucked one between two fingers and held it up to his mouth. With his eyes locked on hers he opened his mouth and took it from her with his tongue. Some juice escaped his lips and she leaned up and licked at it before moving it to a passionate kiss.

One of his hands settled on her thigh, and started to trace the seam of her trousers with his fingers, while his thumb rubbed tiny circles along her leg. A long forgotten, warm feeling started in her lower abdomen.. She couldn’t think of anything else in the world right now except for how his tongue felt in her mouth, and what his hands were doing on her leg. Oh Maker, he was most definitely good at distraction. The other hand that had been running along her torso brushed against the bottom of her breast.

“Anders” she moaned into his neck.

It filled him with pride to know he was the one making her release that amazing sound. Once his mouth was at her ear, he whispered again, the hot breath tickling in just the right way.

“Ari, as much as I want to continue, and I really do want to, we are not exactly in a private location, others will come running if they hear you scream, and you will scream. ” He licked the rim of her ear and chuckled again when she shivered.

Her arms were wrapped around his neck, she had no intention of letting go. She wiggled her bottom along him, knowing it was having an effect on him when he moaned into her ear. “Sweetheart.” he whispered.

“Don't stop, please,” she begged.

A better man would have put a stop to things, but Anders knew he wasn't always a good man. “Have you ever been with a mage, love?” he asked her.

She shook her head and continued nipping at his jaw as her hands ran down his chest. “The things you make me want to do to you.” he growled kissing her again. “You have to be quiet.” he warned her as his hand rested on her abdomen again.

A few moments later she could feel a tightness low, and the start of something she hadn't felt in a long time. A fluttering low in her abdomen, as her breath started to speed up. He wasn't even touching her, but she could feel herself marching towards a cliff just the same. She looked down and could see his hand on her stomach glowing. It pulsed in time to the pull inside of her. The hands around his back started to grip as he pulled her closer. She buried her nose in his neck as she tried to quiet her moans, the pulse increasing. “Anders, please” she begged.

He nipped at her ear again. “Come for me, Ari.” he whispered, and that was enough for her to tumble over the edge. She cried out, pulling him closer, desperate for him to be closer than he was, wanting to feel his hands everywhere.

He turned his head and kissed her, stroking her tongue with his, working her through her orgasm. When her breathing slowed he pulled back slightly and she smiled at him, pulling him in for another kiss.

“Let’s join our friends before they come looking for us, sweetheart. I promise, it will be worth the wait.” he helped her stand up.

Ari nodded, looking at him with half lidded eyes, just his voice was enough to make her feel like she was melting again. Anders felt relieved that she agreed. He wasn’t lying when he said he wanted her, but it had been over five years since he’d been with anyone. He'd had a brief fling with Hawke, but the only woman whose attentions he'd truly wanted in all this time was here now in his arms. He'd pined for her for ten years, dreamed of this moment, and now that it was here, he was terrified. After so long, would he still be any good. Sure, in his deviant past, he had lots of lovers, one he had even had feelings for, but right now, he was grateful for just a little more time to build up his confidence. But he had little doubt that once he found it, he would have her crying out for more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling a little warm...


	38. A Plan is hatched

The next morning proved to be just as full, Ari was starting to wonder if Cullen wasn’t purposely sending her the worst of the recruits to keep her busy.

“Andraste’s Ass, keep your arms up. You want to defend yourself, not play pattycake!” she yelled at one of the rogue trainees.

“Seriously? A ten year old can shoot an arrow better than that. I know, I’ve seen her do it. Here, lift your arms, keep it straight as you pull back!”

Sitting down to breakfast after an agonizingly bad training session, Ari had only had one bite of bread before Leliana was sitting next to her. “So, grapes are what does it for you? All that time on the road together and I never knew!”

Ari had to cover her mouth before she spit out her bread. “Seriously Leli,” she whispered, faking outrage. “Is there _anything_ you don’t know about thirty seconds after it happens?” smiling at her friend.

“Spymaster, remember?” Leliana laughed back pointing to herself. “But seriously, you look happy. I missed this Ari. Happy, yelling at soldiers, randomly punching idiots. It’s good to have you around again” The women leaned their heads against each other, whispering secrets and laughing like two sisters. Ari hadn’t realized how much she missed Leli until just this moment. She had become her confidant and best girlfriend during the blight, and hearing her laugh and tease, made all seem right with the world again.

***

The Inquisitor and Josephine were out on a short mission to Val Royeaux, planning to return the day before they were to leave for Adamant. The Commander’s mood had become more sour from the minute they left. His mood had not improved any by the time she had appeared for their “top secret debriefing” (their code for lessons so that his troops did not know their commander was learning to dance). They were both sure Leliana knew, because she knew everything, so there was little point in trying to hide from her.

“It’s right,left, side side. One, two, one two. You can do this, you had this down yesterday, just take a deep breath.” Ari tried to sound encouraging, not exasperated.

“This is just stupid, this is why Commander’s don’t dance. Just leave me be already and forget about this. Those rogue recruits need your attention anyway, I saw them this morning, they were bloody awful.” Cullen growled back.

“Don’t go getting prickly with me,” Ari replied sternly. “I raised a two year old who’d throw a tantrum like that” snapping her fingers, “I’m not scared of a grumpy Commander who is missing his girlfriend. Now knock it off, we have a lot of work to do so you can sweep your lady love off her feet.”

She picked up his hands again and started once again taking the lead. Cullen just shook his head and smiled sheepishly, “Sorry. But Alistair was right, you are bossy.”

“Well it’s that bossiness that got him on the throne, so maybe he should appreciate it more,” she said with a laugh.

***

By the time evening came around again, Ari was happy to join her friends at the Tavern in what was quickly becoming their table near the back. She sat down next to Anders with a smile, kissing his cheek. He smiled at her, and plopped a grape into his mouth, promptly causing her to blush a very deep red. Anders thought she was just irresistible when she did that, putting his arm around her and pulling her tight.

“That! What’s that? With the grape, what’s making you blush about a grape?” Dorian asked excitedly from across the table. “Is it dirty? I bet it’s dirty. Spill!”

“I’m sorry Dorian,” Ari smiled, trying to get her color back under control. “Varric’s the storyteller here, not me.”

Dorian sat back in his chair with a “hmph” and crossed his arms.

Varric joined them with mugs of ale for everyone, “What’d you say to upset Sparkler, Firefly?” he asked.

“Ah, he’s fine. We have more important things to discuss,” she said looking towards the bar where Cullen sat on his own with a snarl on his face. “We need to get that man there and the Inquisitor together, in a locked room, with a bed and nothing else soon, or he’s going to start scaring away his own recruits.” She looked around the table at them all, “So, gentlemen, Hawke, we need a plan.”

While the others started talking, Anders placed his head on Ari’s shoulder and whispered so only she could here. “I think we should find use a room like that.” He purred, his hand starting to draw circles on her hipbone.

Ari felt another one of those shivers she was coming to quickly enjoy run through her again. She gave him a shy look as he pulled his head away with a smile and began to join in on the conversation.

“We could just send each a letter from the other, saying to meet them in one of the unused quarters here, and once they’re both in, lock the door.”

Ari shook her head, “That wouldn’t work, they’d be too suspicious of why they couldn’t just meet in the Commander’s office. Or they might talk before hand.”

They continued throwing out ideas. Anders leaned his mouth down to her ear again. “Of course we don’t need there to be a bed. Maybe a desk, or I could just take you against the wall. We could sneak in here after closing, and I could have you on this table. I want to hear what beautiful sounds you make under me.” He pulled back away from her, looking over to Bull and continuing their conversation as if he hadn’t just whispered those dirty things in her ear.

She was pretty sure Dorian had some idea what was going on as he was just sitting across the table smiling at her. She was considering kicking him under the table to wipe that smile from his face when she saw Anders, who was still looking at Bull, start to rub his hand lightly across the table in front of him. She could feel her face blush immediately, and looking away, she caught Dorian with an even larger grin on his face. Punching, yes punching was better than kicking. No, wait, she had seen the way Bull had been looking at Dorian. Punching could wind up in a fight with a Qunari. Not the best tactical move. She had learned how bad that was that time they had all played strip Wicked Grace during the blight. Wait a minute….

“I have an idea!” she cried out all of a sudden, everyone turning to her. “All we need is an Antivan, some ale to loosen a certain Commander’s resolve, and a game of Wicked Grace.”

The group pushed their heads together and started whispering, formulating a plan for the night the Inquisitor was set to return. Ari volunteered to talk to Josephine, she would be key to pulling it all together.


	39. Letter from the Princess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter. Wicked Grace game next one!

_Dear Mamá,_

_We are at an Inn, Uncle says we’re about 2 days from home now. I miss you, Uncle says if I write you I won’t miss you as much and that you’ll write me back. I miss your pretty face and hair Mamá._

_Guard-Commander Stupid Rylock said something mean about Anders. I told Uncle I wanted to kick her and he laughed and said I was definitely your daughter. What does that mean?_

_When we get home we’re going to get your room ready for you. It’s right next to my room so that we can play all the time and you can sing to me in the mornings. Uncle tries to sing to me, but he’s really bad at it. Really bad. He can make my braids pretty, but Mamá he really can’t sing._

_I miss you. Please give this to Anders. Please tell him I’m sorry I yelled at him._

_Please come home soon. I love you_

_Eleanor Alise Therin_

Ari was laughing having read the letter to her friends.

“Now I absolutely have to figure out a way to get him to sing when we visit. I need to hear just how bad this is,” Hawke laughed.

“Guard-Commander Stupid, she’s almost as good as me with names,” chuckled Varric, shaking his head.

Anders said nothing. He was staring at the piece of paper in his hand with a smile. Ari gently squeezed his leg and gave him a grin. It was just a simple child’s drawing, but to Anders is was more. He’d never been given a drawing by a child before, not even with all the ones he helped in Darktown. Paper and inks were just too much of a luxury for the people there. He didn’t have much experience with children that weren’t on a cot in his clinic, but he knew enough to know they didn’t just give a drawing to just anyone. No, you had to be special to them to get one of their masterpieces. This precious little piece of paper was the girls way of telling him he was accepted as a part of her mother's life.

The drawing itself was simple, but he noticed that she clearly had no idea what a Darkspawn looked like. At first he thought that was odd, her mother and Uncle being who they were. But then it started to dawn on him, that it was because of them, because of what he, and Nate, and Oghren and the others did all those years ago, that a whole generation of children had grown up never having seen a Darkspawn. That thought filled him with pride, that maybe everything he did in his past was not without good.

 


	40. Never Bet Against an Antivan

_Nate,_

_I have a favor to ask. I need you to help me track down a Warden from Kirkwall. Her sister is a friend, who has been helping the Inquisition, but they lost touch several years ago. With all that’s going on now with the Wardens, she is understandably concerned._

_Please see if you can find where Bethany Hawke may be located._

_Thanks_

_Ari_

***

Cullen stood over his desk running over plans for their advance on Adamant Fortress with a few of his men. The Inquisitor had come back that morning, but he’d barely had a free minute. Except for a quick duck in a little used room for a few stolen kisses he had not really had the chance to see her, and the irritation that was causing was starting to create a headache. As the meeting wrapped up, a few filed out, except for one who stood looking, almost afraid to pass the tall man at the door.

“Yes, I’m the big scary mage. BOO!” yelled Anders, his hands flying out. The soldier startled and then ran from the room. Anders laughed, “I hope you’re not bringing him tomorrow, he won’t do well.”

Cullen sighed, “Is there a point to your visit, or did you just come up here to harass my men?” He rubbed his nose with his finger and thumb, hoping to stave off the headache.

Anders smiled, picking up a pen on the Commander’s desk and began twirling it. “While that’s always fun, yes, I am here for a reason. I was sent to bring you to the tavern for a little pre-attack get together.”

The Commander shook his head. “Go on without me. There’s really too much to do.”

Anders looked at him for a second, and put the pen down. “See, here’s the thing, I don’t think you’re supposed to have a choice really. Besides, if I show up there without you, Ari is going to be pissed. You may not know this about her, but she's got a temper.”

Cullen put his hands on the desk, looked at the map and then back up at Anders and shook his head again. “It’s not really my job to keep your girlfriend from being mad at you, you know. I have enough trouble keeping one woman happy. Besides, you’re not scared of her, are you?”

Anders quirked his eyebrow, “Have you ever seen her angry? Why wouldn’t I be scared? Come on,” he replied,” Evelyn will be there.” He finished, saying her name in a sign songy voice.

That seemed to peak the Commander’s interest, as he stood up straighter, sighed, realizing he was defeated, and nodded. Holding his hand out to indicate he’d follow Anders. “Lead the way.”

“I probably should have led with that, huh?” he laughed, heading out the door.

***

“Come on, tell me what is with the grapes!!” Dorian practically whined.

“No, just let it go already” Ari rolled her eyes at him, not really as annoyed as she sounded.

“Fine, I’ll just guess then. Did he …” whispering the remainder in her ear while making a slightly obscene gesture with his hand.

Ari listened, “No, what’s wrong with you?” she yelled.

“Ok. Then did he stick it…” whispering the rest of the sentence again in her ear.

“Seriously? Dorian, I was married to an Antivian Crow, who was as dirty as they came, and I’m pretty sure YOU would make him blush!” She laughed. “Just give it a rest already, I’m not going to tell you about the grapes.”

Anders and Cullen walked in just as she said that last sentence. He shook his head and laughed as he put his arm around Ari’s shoulder and gave her a quick kiss. “Is the pretty mage harassing you my dear?” he asked.

“She won’t tell me what’s up with grapes making her go all red. Maybe you’d like to share.” Dorian winked at Anders.

“Nope. But they are now my favorite fruit.” He replied winking at Ari who felt her cheeks turning pink again as she elbowed him.

Everyone gathered around the table, sharing stories over drinks, and laughing. After a few rounds, Varric very casually suggested a game of Wicked Grace. “I do hope I recall the rules. It’s been ages since I’ve played a game of Wicked Grace.” Josephine said with a small laugh. “Dealer starts. Ooh… I believe I’ll start at … three coppers! Do you think that’s too daring?”

“Seriously, who starts at three coppers? Silver or go home.” Grunted Iron bull.

Everyone anted up. Ari and Hawke shared a knowing look. Everyone was playing their roles perfectly, and Cullen and Evelyn seemed completely oblivious, although that was probably because they couldn’t keep their eyes off each other.

As the game progressed through the night, one by one others would drop out, although not leaving the table, instead continuing to drink and watch the game. Finally it was to the point where it was just Ari, Josephine and Cullen. “Looks like I’m out of coin,” Cullen stated.

Ari looked him over. “Hmm…” she said cooly. “I’d be willing to let you stay in, say… for your gloves?”

Cullen gave her an odd expression, Josephine nodded, “Very well," he said after a minute. "Deal again,”. He looked at Josephine. “I’ve figured out your tells, Lady Ambassador.” He removed his gloves and placed them on the table. Ari smiled but said nothing.

Several hands later, it was down to just Josephine and Cullen, and he was down to little more than his britches, which he lost that final hand.

“Never bet against an Antivan, Commander.” Josephine smirked to him. Ari looked over and caught Evelyn trying to casually look to her left where Cullen sat, without making it seem like she was looking. From the blush on her cheeks, Ari was pretty sure she got a good view. Everyone got up from the table to give Cullen a chance to escape with a little dignity, except Evelyn who seemed plastered to her seat. After they heard him dart out, a few of them started to snicker, as Ari and Josephine piled the Commander’s belongings into a bag.

“Did you plan that?” Evelyn asked, sounding annoyed. “I thought you were all his friends, why would you want to embarrass him?”

Ari walked around the table, holding the bag out to Evelyn. “Yes we did, and my dear, I believe you should be the one to bring this up to him, give him a chance to maybe earn these back from you?” she asked with a wink.

Evelyn’s eyes got big, then catching on, a huge grin appeared as she took the bag. “Yes, I think I should. “ and with that she left.

After being sure she was out of earshot, they all let out a laugh, “Josie, you were perfect!” Ari cried out, pulling her into a hug.

“My pleasure,” the Antivan smiled. “I haven’t had this much fun in I don’t know how long.”

They spent the next hour continuing to laugh and drink, finally deciding it was time to retire, as several of them were leaving for Adamant the next morning. Anders walked Ari back to her quarters, often pulling her hand up to his lips to kiss her knuckles, rubbing his thumb along them the rest of the time.

When they reached her room, she smiled, but then looked down, as if she was struggling with something. “Anders.” She said looking as if she was not sure how to continue. “Would you come find me before breakfast? I need to ask you a favor.”

He brushed her hair behind her ear, “You could ask me now if you want, Ari” he smiled at her, trying to reassure her from whatever had her worried.

She shook her head, “No. It’s just…. I’m not sure if you’re going to be ok with what I have to ask you, and I’d rather not ruin tonight, ok?” she asked, finally looking up at him.

“Anything for you sweetheart.” He replied and pulled her into a kiss. They stayed that way for several minutes, leaning against the hallway wall, until finally she pulled away and gave him one last kiss on his cheek. “I’ll see you in the morning” she smiled to him.

“And I will look for you in my dreams.” He replied, kissing her hand again, as he bowed and made his way down the hallway towards his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty sure I'll have more later tonight to post


	41. A Promise Made

Ari paced the floor the next morning, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders to keep out the chill of early morning. She had slept as best she could, but she found that the night before a mission was always hard to sleep. On top of that she was nervous about her upcoming talk with Anders. Would he be ok with what she needed him to do? Would he be angry at her for asking him? Her stomach practically jumped into her throat when she heard him knock at the door.

She took a few deep breaths trying to calm herself and then opened it, unable to keep the smile from her face as soon as she saw him. He was no sooner in the room then he had a hand around the back of her neck and another at her waist pulling her in for another kiss. It was slow, his tongue exploring her mouth, his hand running through her hair. She could feel him moan into her mouth, causing heat to run through her. She nearly wanted to just give in, but she remembered why she asked him here, and it was too important to just let it go.

When he finally pulled back with a smile, she laughed “Good morning”

He smiled back. “You’re about to leave for a few weeks, I need to get as much of you now as I can to keep me warm while you’re gone, my dear.”

He watched her face as he saw her start to look sad before it flickered back to a shy smile. She took his hand and led him to the couch, pulling him to sit next to her. She pulled the blanket around her again, and let out a small shiver.

“Anders,” she said and then looked down, saying nothing. He was starting to worry about whatever it was she had to tell him. Her nervousness starting to set him on edge.

She let out a sigh, and looked up as if making her resolve. “Anders, I know we both want nothing more than for this mission to be a success, but we’ve both been through war before. We know there could be casualties. We fought against the Mother, we know there’s a risk I won’t be coming back.”

He grabbed her hand, “You WILL be back, I know with every fiber of my being, you’re going to come back to me.”

She shook her head, a tear starting to form in the corner of her eye. “Anders, I know that’s what you want, it’s what I want too, but we need to be realistic about the possibilities. I need to be realistic. If… if I don’t come back, if something happens, I need you to do this for me.”

She reached down and pulled a few items from her bag and placed them in her lap. He stared at where he was still holding her other hand. “Anders,” she said, taking his his chin to lift his face up to see his eyes again. “This is important, I can’t trust this with just anyone. Cullen is the only other one, and well…”

“He’ll also be on the field.” He finished her sentence. She nodded.

“Anders, I will do everything I can to survive and come back, but I need to know this will be taken care of. If I don’t come back, I need you to take these to Eleanor for me.” She handed him the plain looking box. “This is jewelry, some belonged to my mother, some to me. Fergus knows what each is, he can tell her about them. If I am gone, they are hers.” She then looked down at her lap, he watched her run her fingers along whatever it was there. He couldn’t tell what it was, but he could see from her expression and the way she touched it, that whatever it was, it was more precious than the jewels to her.

“These” she said, taking his hand that had been holding hers and turning it around so the palm was pointing up, she placed the object in his hand and closed his hand around them, showing with care how treasured they were. He could see now it was a well used pair of leather gloves. Her tears were starting to fall now. “These belonged to her father. He had them since during the blight. Alistair will be able to tell her the story of them. They were the one possession he had that meant the most to him, she should have them.”

She looked up at him again. She held her breath, would he throw them down and storm out telling her she had some nerve to lay this at his feet? Would he tell her that she had not right to presume that he would want to do something like this? The longer he said nothing, the more terrified she started to come. He just looked at what she had given him, his expression was unreadable. Was he angry that she was giving him something for Eleanor and not him? Was he mad that she had given him something of Zevran’s and just asked him to keep them safe, a reminder that her heart had belonged to another? These thoughts, and the fear that she had made a terrible mistake started to run through her head. Maybe she should have asked the Ambassador instead, or Leli. Maker, why did I think this was a good idea she thought. _Please say something_ , she begged in her mind. She was grateful she hadn’t said anything last night, at least she had that one last kiss from this morning.

He picked up the box from his lap, and placed it gingerly on the table, the gloves on top of it. Then he turned and faced her, taking both her hands in his and pulling her onto his lap.

“Ari,” he said, brushing a piece of hair that always seemed to fall in front of her face behind her ear. His thumb returned to her cheek, brushing away the tears that were falling there. He leaned up and kissed her cheek gently, and then pulled her down to him so that her head was in the crook of his neck and she was leaning across his chest. He put his arms around her and gently squeezed. “Sweetheart, I will keep these safe for you, and when you return I will gladly hand them back. But I will promise, if, Maker forbid, you are gone, I will go to Denerim and personally deliver these items to Eleanor. You have my word.” And with those words he could feel all the tension leave her body at once. She wrapped her arms around him and let out a sob and a muffled “Thank you”. He held her like that for another half hour until she finally felt ready to head down for breakfast.

Anders was happy to see her laugh again soon after when a certain Commander and Inquisitor joined them, both unable to keep from staring at one another, and blushing anytime they caught the other looking. Ari mouthed “Told you” to Hawke, who snorted, picking up a piece of bread.

***

Anders was never so happy to be so busy in his whole life, as being busy kept his mind from worrying about what might be happening in the battle. He worked with the other healers organizing tents and cots in preparation for injuries that were sure to come. He reviewed their inventory several times over to ensure they’d have as much healing potions for the injured and lyrium for the mages as they could. He reviewed how to bandage and splint and reset a bone with the less seasoned healers to prepare them.

In the evenings he would sit with Dorian, Sera, and Cole at the tavern. He and Dorian would exchange glances, but pretend they weren’t frozen with worry about Ari and Bull (and the others of course, but those two the most). Sera would try to break the tension with bad jokes, and Cole would speak their thoughts, thereby defeating the purpose of pretending not to worry.

His nights were dreamless, sleep often evading him until he’d collapse from exhaustion. Then he’d get up the next day and repeat the whole process again. This went on for three agonizing weeks, with no word from the front, as it had proven to be too dangerous for Leliana’s crows to be useful.

The second day of the third week the injured started to arrive. Anders felt proud of the healers he’d been training, it all seemed to be paying off as they jumped in, seeing to the injured as if they’d already done this hundreds of times. Those with minor injuries were treated without magic, thereby allowing the healers to be fully available to help the more seriously wounded. Stories started to come in as the injured talked. The Wardens were indeed performing blood magic, but not all of them were following the lead, some joined the Inquisition to fight back. An archdemon had appeared. This concerned Anders, and he felt his heart tighten at hearing this. He knew she had faced one before during the blight, but how many archdemons could you face before your luck ran out, he wondered.

At the beginning of the next week, he heard the words that made his heart stop. The soldier was sitting on a cot, the healer in front of him mending the man’s broken arm. Anders was only half paying attention to the man watching the healer’s work instead. That’s when he heard him say those damnable words, “The Grey Warden stayed behind in the fade so that the Inquisitor and everyone else could escape.” And then the fool passed out from the pain of his arm.

Anders felt his knees give out, and he sat with a plop on the cot behind him. He tried to calm his spinning mind. It might not be her, there was, what, 30 other Wardens at the fort. It could be any one of them. Of course how many of them would sacrifice themselves like that, given that they were all set to turn over to blood magic to save their own hide, probably not many. Still, it might not be her he tried to reassure himself.

Anders wiped his hand across his face, and took a deep breath. There was no point worrying just yet until he knew for sure, in the meantime there were injured here that needed his attention. He pulled himself up and went back to work.

***

That evening he heard the horn blow indicating that the Inquisitor had returned. Like everyone else, he moved to the courtyard to watch, standing off to the side near the wall, to look for her. He saw the Inquistor lean against Cullen looking solemn, as he led her away. Dorian and Bull embraced and Bull let the mage off somewhere to be alone. Hawke looked like she was about to cry and she ran off towards the tavern, Fenris following close behind. He saw soldiers embracing loved ones, they too wandering off to their homes. One by one the courtyard cleared until there was no one left. He must have missed her. Easily done in the large crowd, he thought. She most likely is in her room, no doubt in need of a bath after this.

He walked to her room as quick as his feet would carry him without actually running. He knocked on the door, but got no answer. He hesitated for a second, and then opened the door, expecting to be yelled at for intruding.

The room was empty. The box and gloves still sitting on the table where he had left them weeks ago. In fact everything was exactly as it was weeks ago, nothing disturbed at all. He walked in, jumping around when he heard a noise, sure it would be her walking through the door. Nothing was there. He walked to the couch and sat down. The blanket she had that morning still sat there. Anders picked it up, and ran his hands along it. Pressing it to his face, he could still smell the lavender smell from her soap. He opened the blanket and wrapped it around him, hoping that being enveloped in her smell would stop that pain that was building in his throat and chest. His eyes fell down again onto the items on the table and the damn burst.

Anders couldn’t remember having ever cried so much, felt so much pain. Not when he was taken from his mother’s arms by the Templars. Not when he was beaten by the Knight-Commander at the Circle for escape. Not when he had joined with Justice. Not when he had sat alone in his clinic, feeling his heart break after having watched Ari leave Kirkwall with Zevran to head to Denerim. No matter how many tears fell, the ache in his chest didn’t seem to abate any. What was the point? Why bother saving Thedas if the only good thing in his world was gone. He wondered if this is what it felt like to have Fenris rip your heart out.

She was gone. Forever. He'd never told her how he felt, never showed her. He let Justice hold him back and then fear every time and now it was too late. He was a coward and a fool and he'd let his chance slip through his hands, one that he wanted so badly to have back.

After about an hour the tears slowed, and the loud wailing had stopped. He was curled on the couch in her blanket, smelling her scent, remembering that kiss from that morning. He pulled out the piece of paper he kept in his robe’s inner pocket at all times, and unfolded it. He looked at the drawing there, running his fingers along the stick figure that was meant to be her. He closed his eyes, he had made a promise. He wanted more than anything not to have to keep that promise. But even in death, there was nothing he could deny her. He took a deep breath, he’d sneak away tomorrow night, and head to Denerim. He placed the drawing on top of the other items and removed his boots before laying down on the couch, letting sleep take over.

He awoke sometime late into the night to the sound of someone opening the door. He bolted up, ready to zap whoever dared to enter her room, dared to disrupt this sacred place. He looked at the doorway and blinked, rubbing his eyes to confirm what he saw.

“Anders?” she asked, confused as to why he was in her room.


	42. I Need You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smutty smut smut smut

**An hour earlier**

Ari entered the war room, the meeting already in progress, they all stopped and watched her enter. “You’re wet?!” Evelyn exclaimed.

“Yes. Dorian caught me before I could get here. Forced me to bathe in his room, said I smelled worse than a mabari, and something else that I’m pretty sure was an insult to all Fereldens, “ she smiled up at Cullen at this with a wink. “So can we get this done, I really want to get to sleep. You’ve all had a few hours to rest. I got back got shoved in a tub by a sassy Tivinter, and then this.”

“Of course,” Evelyn laughed. “I think we can move on to your debrief so you can get to sleep.”

“Thanks,” she smiled. “So, we have about 25 Wardens that have come back with me. Cullen, I had your Captain set them up somewhere that they can keep an eye on them for now.”

“You don’t think they can be trusted?” Evelyn asked.

“I’m not sure. Most of them were part of the resistance against the blood magic, true. But you should know, Wardens aren’t usually particular about who they conscript. Some of those men could very well be thieves or murders. I recommend the Commander and I vet the men individually. Those we feel are safe, can serve here if they wish. Those that can’t can either go back to the Wardens, or not, but they can’t remain here. “

“I agree, Inquisitor. I believe the Hero’s assessment is the wisest course of action.” Cullen nodded.

“Ok, then that is what we’ll do.” The Inquisitor agreed

They covered a few more topics before breaking. As they were about to leave, Evelyn spoke up. “Ari,” now that the official meeting was done, titles were no longer required, “we’d like to have a memorial for Warden Stroud tomorrow night at the Herald’s rest. I think it would mean something if you could be there as the Senior Warden.”

Ari nodded. “Cullen, let’s do what we can to get through all the Wardens starting in the morning then. That way those that want to attend can as well.”

Cullen nodded and the group broke. Ari could not wait to get into a real bed. She had missed Anders, but it was late, and she would see him in the morning. Right now she wanted nothing more than to climb into a warm bed.

When she entered her room, she immediately put her hand on her dagger’s hilt. Someone was in here. He shot up from the couch, and blinked several times, even wiping his eyes with the heels of his hands, just gawking at her.

“Anders?” she asked, what was he doing here?

He leapt off the couch, dropping the blanket that had been wrapped around him. He still hadn’t said a word. She wasn’t sure what it was, but something was definitely not right with him. She could tell something was off just by looking at him.

“Anders, what are you…oomf”

 _Maker,_ she thought, _how did he move so quick? I don’t think he ever even move that fast in the battlefield. Wait, stop thinking, just kiss._

He had her pressed against the wall, his lips pressed to hers. His hands were first on either side of her head, holding it in place, but quickly they began to wander over her shoulders and along her arms, squeezing as if trying to confirm she was solid. All the while he never broke the kiss. She put her arms around his neck and he moved his hands to her waist, pushing closer to her. Finally he broke the lip lock. Keeping his forehead to hers, he slowly opened his eyes, afraid that when he did he’d see she wasn’t really there, that this was all a cruel dream.

“You’re here!” he whispered in a sigh.

“What, of course I’m here, this is my room. I guess you missed me then?” she smiled.

He shook his head, still pressed to her forehead. “You were gone, they said a Warden had died to save them, and then they all came back, but you weren’t with them, and then…”

“I’m going to kill Hawke,” Ari said. She put her hand on Anders cheek when she saw the confused look. He closed his eyes in response. “She was supposed to tell you I had stayed to help out, that I would be back late tonight. It wasn’t me Anders, I’m ok. It was her friend Stroud, he’s the one that made the sacrifice. I was on the field with Cullen the whole time, I’m ok.” As if to prove it to him further she took one of his hands from her side and held it over her heart so he could feel it beat. “I’m sorry, I never meant for you to worry.”

When Anders opened his eyes instead of fear this time, she saw them full of lust, and it sent a shiver down her. He crushed his lips to her again, still pressing her against the wall, his hand running up her waist to rub along the under her breast while the other ran behind her to pull her closer to him. His mouth left hers and began to move along her cheek and jaw, until he was along her ear. “Ari,” he whispered. “I need you. Now”.

She would have collapsed to the floor right there had he not been holding her so close to him. She nodded, unable to find her voice. His lips returned to hers, his hands to the laces of her trousers. At the same time her hands moved down his shoulders to unbuckle his robes. His hands only left her long enough for her to push the robe off his arms. He stood in front of her now in only his pants. “You have entirely too many clothes on,” he growled in her ear.

She moaned in response, pulling her shirt over her head. She moved her mouth to his neck, causing Anders to hiss and begin to roll his hips against hers, pressing her back along the wall again. She ran her hands along his back, despite being a mage, he was still well defined, from years of carrying a staff and being on the run. She continued moving her hands down until they grabbed his behind, and she started pulling him in closer, his right hand hitting the wall to hold himself up in response. He rolled his hips into her and Ari let out a moan, to which he rolled his hips again in response.

Anders looped his thumbs in her leggings and pulled them down, along with her smalls in one move. He kissed wet slow kisses along her stomach as he moved down. She lifted her legs one at a time to allow him to remove them completely. He began kissing his way back up until he came up to her mouth again, shoving his tongue in as they both moaned. She untied the laces on his pants, his hand leaving her to help push them off.

His right hand returned to her breast, rubbing his thumb along her nipple teasing it into a tight peak. Ari rolled her head back as her eyes closed and she moaned again. He was delighting in the noises she was making.

His left hand moved lower, finding her wet for him already, it was his turn to moan. He bent slightly down, grabbing her thighs and pulling her legs around him as she moved her arms around his shoulder. He looked in her eyes once again, she moved her mouth to his ear, “I want you, Anders.”

He moaned loudly at that as his one hand held her up, his other against the wall. He wanted to take his time, bring her to unbridled pleasure first. But all those plans were pushed aside as his heart sung that she was here, she was in his arms, not dead. His need to be with her, to feel that connection overrode everything else. He pushed into her, hissing with pleasure at the feeling of finally being inside her. She threw her head back and cried out “Maker!”

Anders started rolling his hips slowly, moving his mouth down to her neck again, beginning to bite and suck. He wanted the world to know she was his, and he marked her as such. She began rolling her hips against his in response. He knew it had been a long time for both of them and they wouldn’t last much longer. She reached in between her legs and began rubbing at her nub, their mouths returning to each other again. Suddenly Ari felt that familiar feeling in her stomach and began moving her thumb quicker, her other gripping his back tighter, grasping for purchase. “Anders, Oh Maker, Annnnnderrrs” she screamed out. He began pumping quicker, feeling his release coming. She dropped her head against his shoulder and a quick move of his hips he was calling out her name, feeling his own climax.

When he came down, he kissed her again, but refused to let her legs down, instead turning and carrying her to the bed. Once there, he pushed them both under the covers, and pulled her close to him. He moved to kiss her again, but found that she had fallen asleep along his chest, he kissed her temple instead, and let himself chase sleep. The night had started out his worst nightmare, but it had now become an amazing dream as she was there, sleeping in his arms.

***

Ari awoke a few hours later to light touches along her stomach. A smile crossed her lips before she even opened her eyes. “Anders” she whispered.

As if in answer, lips met hers in a soft kiss, and her hand came up to caress his jaw as they kissed. It remained there as he pulled back up to look at her, his eyes meeting hers. He traced her cheek and then jaw with a finger.

“You are so beautiful,” he said and bent down towards her ear giving light kisses to her cheek. “My fantasies don't give you justice.”

She blushed and tried to turn away suddenly shy. Anders gently turned her face back to his. “I love that I can make you blush like that. Fierce warrior who stares down an army of Darkspawn, but a few words from me and you blush, that makes a man feel very powerful.” he kissed her again, his tongue slowly tangling with hers as her hands began to explore his chest and arms.

“I wonder _Commander_ , are you any good at following orders,” he whispered seductively in her ear.

Ari bit her lip and nodded.

“Good.” Anders said. He took both of her hands and placed them over her head. “Keep these here and do not move them until I say you can. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” she nodded again, her eyes locked with his.

Anders kissed her again, moving on top of her to cover her body with his. He didn't stay on her lips for long, moving down to her neck, soft kisses that left her squirming. He moved further down, to her chest. He stopped above her left breast and bit, then soothing the mark with his tongue. He looked at the mark left and smiled. No one else would see it, but he would know it was there, and that she was his.

One of his hands palmed her right breast, massaging it while his thumb teased the tight peak that appeared. He glanced up to see she was watching him with lidded eyes, her breathing quickened, her hands still where he had placed them. His eyes still on hers, his tongue left his mouth and flicked the nipple on her left breast. She moaned out his name in response. It was a noise that was quickly becoming his favorite sound.

He turned his eyes back down and began to suck at her breast. His tongue continued to flick at her while he suckled her. Ari arched up, her hands grasping at the pillow wanting so much to touch him, but not wanting to break his orders to stay put.

Anders moved over to her other breast and gave it the same treatment. Ari was writhing under him now, begging him. She wasn't sure what she was begging for, but she wanted him to just never stop.

Anders moved lower, kissing and licking as he moved down. Every brush of his lips had her moaning. She was so sensitive, he was not joking that this was better than any dream he'd had about her ever.

He slid down until he was hovering in front of her center. He again looked up and saw that she was still watching him, and still following instruction. Her breathing was shallow. “Anders” she said so quiet. His tongue came out and licked her bud, while his eyes were still on hers. Ari threw her head back and cried out his name loud enough he was sure half the residents could hear her. He felt some pride at that. He wanted them all to know that it was him, the man they all despised. The mage who was fighting for the freedom for others, it was his name the Hero was crying out in the night. It was he that was bringing her so much pleasure.

Anders licked at her until he reached her bundle of nerves again. Once there he began to suckle and lick at it as if his favorite dessert. He pressed a finger into her and she arched up again and once again cried out his name.

Ari was gripping the pillow so tight at this point. She wanted to grab his hair, she wanted to do anything to just keep him where he was and never let him stop. The things he was doing with his tongue should be outlawed, he was tormenting her and bringing her to unbelievable heights all at the same time. When he moved a second finger inside of her and curled them just so she tumbled over the edge crying out to him as her hip rose from the bed. Anders moved an arm to hold her back down, but that only intensified it for her. She was seeing stars. It had been years since anyone had made her feel like this, and he was more than making up for that time.

He kept at her until she came down from her climax. It was only then that he started the slow descent back up her body with his mouth. When he reached her lips again he spoke, “You can move,” half a second later her hand were on him. One grabbing at his hair holding him into the kiss. Her other roamed his body, moving light fingertips along his torso until she found him, hard and throbbing.

She touched him gently at first, running just her fingers along his shaft, until she wrapped them around him and gave him a few gentle pumps. The moment she touched him Anders threw his head into her neck and started breathing heavy. He only allowed her a few passes along him before he took her hand to move it away.

“I won't last much longer if you do that, love.” he said kissing her. “You listened so well. Do you want your reward?” he asked her with a heated stare.

Ari nodded, “Please Anders”

“Do you trust me?” he asked her, wanting to be sure before he did this.

“More than anyone” she assured him.

Anders moved his hand down to her folds where she was still wet from his attentions. He ran two fingers along her before pushing them into her. He pumped a few times and then let out just a tiny spark to hit the one spot he was touching. Ari rolled her head back, her whole body arching up as she grabbed at him and cried out, coming instantly. Anders continued pumping his fingers, small sparks leaving them intensifying and elongating her climax. She was clawing at him desperately while also moaning out his name in a chant.

“Please Anders, I want you please,” she begged.

He kissed her again and positioned himself over her pressing himself into her hot sheath once again. He stopped once fully in her, just reviling in the feel of her. Of the fact that it was with her, Ari, the only one he'd wanted for so long, and now he was as close as he could get with her. She mewled, begging him to move. He started, making love to her much slower this time than he had against the wall.

 

From askbroodyelf.tumblr (I LOVE THEIR WORK!!!!):  



	43. The Letter

Ari awoke in the morning, blinking several times as the first light hit her eyes. She could feel the familiar weight around her middle of his arm. She really didn’t want to get up and deal with Wardens when Zev was right behind her in the bed. She could hear him still peacefully sleeping. She felt so safe, so loved in his arms.

 _WAIT_ , she thought. _No, not Zev, he’s gone. That’s Anders. How could I forget he’s dead?_ Ari felt her chest start to ache. How awful was she to forget he was gone? How awful was she to forget Anders was there and believe it to be Zev? How could she have forgotten, even for one second that he was gone, gone forever?

She could feel the tears start to threaten. She took a deep breath trying to will them away, she did not want Anders to wake to find her crying. She took another deep breath trying to calm herself. So, of course he chose that exact moment to stir. She quickly wiped at her eyes. She didn’t want him to realize she was some monster that forgot her husband was dead, gone, never ever coming back….. here came those tears again.

“Ari? Sweetheart, are you ok?” he whispered, his hand running along her bare stomach, pulling her slightly towards him.

She nodded, but didn’t answer, still looking towards the window, trying to stop the few treacherous tears from escaping.

“Sweetheart” he repeated, this time sounding a little less sure. “Are you…. Do you…. Are you sorry about last night?”

 _No, oh no no no_ she cried in her head. _SAY SOMETHING, he can’t think that_. Words still wouldn’t come out, her throat threatening to release a sob if she opened her mouth to speak. But she couldn’t let him think for one more second that last night was anything but amazing. She turned to face him, placing her hands on either side of his face and pulled it down to hers, giving him light, affectionate kisses. He was tentative to return them at first, but quickly they started turning passionate again, and his breathing started to quicken just a little as he leaned over her some more.

Breaking the kiss, he leaned his forehead on top of hers and smiled down. “So that’s a no then?” she still didn’t speak, but she did burst out a laugh, and that was just as wonderful as far as he was concerned. He wiped away the wetness from her cheeks, and asked softly, “Do you want to tell me?” she looked away for a second, and then shook her head. She wanted to keep him looking at her like this for as long as she could, like she was the most precious thing in the world. She couldn’t bare to see how he’d look at her if he knew she was some horrible person who thought he was someone else, even if it had just been for a few seconds.

When she finally did speak it was not about the tears. “I have to go meet Cullen, we need to tend to the Wardens right away. I wish…. I “ she looked down again, and then back up into his beautiful eyes, “Nothing would make me happier than to just stay here, but I can’t. Meet at lunch?”

He nodded, gave her another kiss, and then said, “I guess I have to share the Hero with the rest of the world sometime.”

“Besides,” she smiled at him, “Don’t you have a cat to feed?”

 _Crap_ , he thought. With all that happened the day before, Lady Tigerly had not been fed at all. He was going to have a pissed off cat somewhere.

After they split up, Anders headed back to his room. He braced himself for what might be a raging ball of fur and claws. Approaching the room he found a note tacked to it.

_A—_

_Where in Andraste’s arse are you? Seriously, I looked in the tavern, the infirmary, the tavern, the battlements, the tavern, and now here._

_Oh, and Ari won’t be back until really late tonight. She asked that you know, but I couldn’t find you. Hope you get this._

_I’m going to bed, it's been a long day and Fenris is getting grumpy._

_\- Hawke_

_I am NOT grumpy - Fenris_

He laughed, stuffed the note in his pocket, and looked around his room when he entered. Everything seemed peaceful. Lady Tigerly of Skyhold was asleep on the pillow he had given her as a bed. He pulled out the drawing from Eleanor, unfolded it, and tacked it up on the wall using the tack that Hawke had used to attach the note to his door. He then went to change into other robes. Upon closer inspection though, he could see they had very clearly been shredded by angry claws.

***

After the third debrief with one of the Wardens the Commander requested a break, and told his men to hold off bringing more in. Ari had barely said a word thought most of them so far. The first two it was fine, they were clearly good men caught in the web of something bad and just honestly wanted to help. The third was somewhat iffy, but Cullen decided he could stay too, but he’d have one of Leliana’s scouts keep an eye on him for the time being just as a precaution. But if this was going to work ,he needed her to focus.

“Leave us,” he said to his guard standing in the doorway. The man saluted his Commander and left the tent.

“Ok, it’s just us, what’s going on Ari?” he asked, dropping the Commander voice and becoming just Cullen. He came to sit beside her and took her hand in his. “Is it because of what happened to Stroud?”

She shook her head, and suddenly tears burst forth. Cullen was never so thankful to have grown up with two sisters as he was at that moment. He was pretty sure without that, the sight of a woman randomly breaking into tears would have caused him to freeze. Instead he dropped to his knees before her and put his arms around her so she had her head on his shoulder. She cried for a few minutes, the tears just about stopping just as quick as they had come on. Finally he pulled back and returned to his seat, taking her hand once more.

“Ok, are you ready to tell me now?” he asked, looking into his friends eyes.

She took a deep breath and then started, the words rushing out of her. “Last night, I… Anders was in my room. He….” Another deep breath. “he thought it was me that stayed in the Fade. And obviously he saw I wasn’t, and then things got heated very quickly,” she started to blush.

“And it was so bad you had to cry?” he asked, teasing her.

She playfully smacked his arm, knowing he couldn’t feel it through the armor anyway. “No. That… that was incredible.” She blushed again. “But when I woke up…. Cullen, please don’t hate me.”

“Unless you called him my name, I’m pretty sure we’re ok.” He teased again. He’d learned over the years that when she got too serious, the best way to break her out was teasing. He had seen Alistair use that same method with her. At first he had thought the man just couldn’t take anything seriously, and was like a child. Then he realized it was just that he knew how to keep her from going too far down a hole.

She sighed, suddenly unable to look him in the eye. “Ari, you know all my deep dark secrets, things I never told anyone before Evelyn. You can tell me anything, and I will still stand by you. I swear, whatever it is I'm here.”

“When I woke up… I forgot. I forgot Zev was gone. I thought it was him in bed with me. I thought it was his arm around me. It was only for a second, and then I remembered, but what is wrong with me that I’d forget?”, tears fell again from her cheeks, but slower this time.

Cullen reached out and wiped her tears. “Oh Ari,” he spoke softly. “I don’t hate you for that. You didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes I forget my parents are gone. I’ve even gone so far as to start writing my mother a letter. It’s normal, it’s ok. You’re not a bad person because of that.”

“I’m not?” she asked, looking at him, sounding unsure.

“No,” he laughed pulling her into another hug. “Far from it. This just proves the great Hero of Ferelden is human after all.”

Ari wiped away the remainder of her tears. She reached out and tried to wipe clean his mantle where she had cried. “You should wear this and nothing else,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “Trust me, Evelyn will love it!”. His hand darted from her and went straight to the back of his neck as he turned all shades of red, causing her to laugh.

He couldn’t help but smile. If she was tormenting him, it meant she was feeling better.

***

Ari was in her room reading the mail that had come while she was away when she heard a knock. She was currently reading one from Nathaniel Howe. She called out for whoever it was to enter.

Her smile couldn’t have been any larger when Anders entered, Lady Tigerly in his arms. “I have to carry her around right now, my penance for forgetting several meals.” He leaned down and gave her a kiss, “And I think you can give Hawke a stay of execution.” he said as he handed her the note from his door. Then he and the cat made their way to the couch, where lunch was sitting.

“Holy Andraste!” he heard her yell out to the paper she was reading. He turned to look at her. “Ari?” he asked.

She said nothing but just handed him the letter for him to read himself. Upon reading it, he laughed, “Yes, I think you got it right with the Holy Andraste, sweetheart.”

She put the letter down, then came over to sit next to him on the couch, the Lady having found a ribbon left from Eleanor to play with. Anders instead pulled her into his lap and gave her a few kisses on her cheek. “You seem in a better mood.” He said. “Did terrorizing a few Wardens help?”

She laughed, “No, but talking with Cullen did. The Wardens though,” she rolled her eyes. “If I hear one more tell me they became a Warden because of me, I’ll scream. And don’t you say it,” she said, playfully poking him in the chest with her finger when she saw him start to open his mouth. “I will scream even if you say it” she laughed again, which sounded like music to his ears. He had fretted after this morning that even though she said all was well between them, that maybe it wasn’t. He was afraid that maybe he'd pushed things too quickly the night before and she was regretting it. But each laugh that fell from her lips chipped away at that fear.

“Ugh, one actually tried to propose to me. Cullen was NO help there. He encouraged the poor man.” She shook her head, another laugh. “There was only two we sent packing, I think overall the ones that came with us were good men and women.”

Anders buried his nose into her neck and gave her a hug. To hear her laugh after how she had looked this morning was the sweetest sound to his ears.

***

Everyone had gathered in the Tavern for the memorial. Anders and Ari entered hand in hand, and quickly spotted Hawke leaning against Fenris and made their way to them. They each hugged her, knowing she was feeling the lose more than anyone.

“Find me after this,” Ari said to Marian. “I have something for you that will make your day better.” She then walked off leaving the others to have a word with the barkeep. Fenris placed a kiss on Hawke's head and then walked to the bar to talk with Ari.

It was the first time Hawke and Anders had really been alone since Kirkwall. They could feel the tension, Hawke hated tension. Finally she spoke, “Anders,” he nearly jumped when she did, which caused her to snort.

He smiled at his embarrassment. “Hawke” he nodded.

“You look good….. happy” she smiled at him. He nodded again, his eyes moving to where Ari stood by the bar. “Good,” Hawke continued. “I was really worried about you for a long time. Not because of Justice, but you. Even when I was angry at you, I still wondered where you were, were you alive, were you safe.” she turned and faced him, “I’m pretty sure I drove Fenris crazy with my worry over you. Despite everything, you were… are my best friend. To see you finally happy, actually looking at peace, it’s good. It suits you.” She smiled, and the two exchanged a long overdue hug.

The memorial was exactly what was needed. People cried, Ari talked about how Stroud exemplified all that was best about the Wardens, Blackwell spoke about his respect for the man, and Hawke shared widely inappropriate stories of the man that made the crowd laugh.

After most of the crowd dispersed, Hawke and Fenris found Ari and Anders sitting on a bench. She stopped for a moment to just watch them, they had one set of hands interlocked and the other set kept reaching out to the other, their eyes were locked on the others. Hawke smiled to herself, it looked to her like when she and Fenris had first reconciled, never wanting to be far from the other. To see her best friend look so at ease, so connected to someone else made her feel so happy herself. Fenris looked at her and chuckled. “Your emotions are showing, Hawke” he chuckled as he wiped a tear from her eye she didn't know was there.

“Ok, you promised to make my day better. Let’s see if you can live up to that Hero”, Marian called out.

“Here you go Champion” Ari teased, handing her two letters. “Read this one first” she said, indicating the top letter.

Anders and she watched in eager anticipation as Hawke read the letter. They knew she had gotten to the important part when she yelled out “Andraste's knickerweasels” loud enough that half the bar turned around.

She then sat down, put her hand over her mouth, handed that first letter back to Ari and started reading the second with Fenris reading over her shoulder. “Ok, ok, you came through” she smiled up at her. All the while Varric looked between the four, waiting for someone to catch him up. Ari handed him the note in her hand that Hawke had just read, while Hawke poured over the second with complete focus.

_Ri –_

_Again, I am so sorry. I will be sure to set it right with Eleanor. You know I adore her, and to know that what Fergus and I said caused her pain, just know it’ll be taken care of._

_As for your other request, I’m afraid I can’t send men out to conduct that search. It would be fruitless for them to leave on that mission. You see, Bethany Hawke is sitting right next to me as I write this letter, writing one for her sister which I will enclose with mine for you to give to Marian. Bethany is the woman I spoke of to you._

_She has agreed to be my wife (despite everything Fergus has told her about my misspent youth I might add). But she insisted, and I agreed, that we will wait the six months until you are back to hold the ceremony. I look forward to you meeting her, and I cannot wait to meet Marian, having heard so many stories of her from Bethany._

_Do not fret for our safety either. The King has sent troops here to help bolster the keep._

_Until we see you, always and forever,_

_Nate_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Andraste's knickerweasels" brought to you courtesy of Fandora.
> 
> I told you I'd fit it in!


	44. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you need to know what Ari's nightmares are about, I refer you to part one of this series, Chapter 6 to be specific

It had been a few weeks since the memorial and Anders had all but moved into Ari’s room. Lady Tigerly had definitely decided she liked this room more. Anders couldn’t remember ever sleeping so peaceful as he did when she was in his arms. She had confessed to him that her nightmares occurred less when he was there as well, which filled him with joy, that he made her feel so safe. The first time she had bolted up in bed that he was there freaked him out. Magic already lit his hands as he had sat up, sure there was a threat in the room. It had quickly dissipated when he saw her, sitting at the edge of the bed, sweat down her back, trying clearly to catch her breath. He had quickly moved to her side, rubbing her back until her breathing returned to normal. When she had calmed she had kissed his cheek, and explained to him what had happened to her years ago that caused them. Even though it all had happened before even the blight, Anders still felt sick to his stomach when she had told him what was done to her. He finally understood why she and Nate had refused to talk about their past with others all those years ago. It must have been just as painful for Nate to hear what his father had done to her in his name.

He watched her tonight as she slept, one arm holding her tight, while she laid her head on his chest. His other hand ran through her hair, while he occasionally kissed her forehead. He always felt he was not always a good man, but he thought he must have done something right to have this angel in his arms. He liked how she felt lying there, like she had belonged there all along. “Ich liebe dich”, he whispered into her hair, and squeezed her gently, letting sleep take him over.

***

When he awoke she was gone, but that in of itself was not unusual. He knew she sometimes left to spar with Cullen if she had a nightmare. Lately, however, she’d been leaving early on another mission with Cullen. She wouldn’t tell Anders what it was they were doing, only that it had to do with a surprise Cullen had planned for Evelyn when they went to the ball. As he stretched, his cat jumped up on the bed and nuzzled his face. “Ok, time for breakfast soon.” He said, still sleepy, while petting her head.

He slipped on his trousers and sat in the middle of the floor. He was quickly in a meditative state, while his cat curled up in his lap. After about 30 minutes he came out of his state. Reaching down, he pet the purring ball of fur, who flopped over for belly rubs.

Anders put on his robes and prepared to head down to the Infirmary for the day. The minute he opened the door he halted, there was one of Cullen’s guards. The man turned as soon as he heard Anders open the door. “Messere Anders, note for you from the Commander” the man then handed him a note, and turned and left.

Anders opened the note and read it wondering what was so important that Cullen had to have a guard standing outside his door waiting for him.

_Anders –_

_We are off to the Winter Palace and will be gone a week. Ari should not be alone today, she’s probably off somewhere already drinking. She needs a friend, find her._

_\- Cullen_

Anders was unsure what the cryptic message might mean, but he had become used to the fact that Cullen and Ari just knew things about each other. It’s what came from being friends for so long with someone. If Cullen was writing him, it must be important.

He retrieved some cuts of meat from the kitchen and returned them to the cat, opened the window, so she could come and go, and then set off to find Ari. She was not in the main hall, and Varric was at the Palace, along with Dorian, and Vivienne. Solas hadn’t left his room, working on a painting, so he wasn’t much help.

His next stop was the tavern, since Cullen had said something about her drinking. She wasn’t there, but Sera and Bull were. “I’m looking for Ari, do you know where she is?” he asked, hopeful the search would be done soon. Bull shook his head no.

“Nah, saw her this morning, nicked a few drinks she did. I like her, she comes from them but she’s people. Bet she’d steal briches. She’s good people, and would pop your nose if ya crank her.” Sera said.

Anders looked at her trying as hard as he could to keep a neutral face. He quite frankly had no idea what the elf was saying, but he understood the word “Nah” so he hoped that meant “No” from Sera. He looked at Bull to see if the man could offer help, but the qunari just shrugged to indicate he had no idea what she meant either.

The gardens were full of children, but no Ari. He checked the stables after that. The horse she’d been using was still there, which meant she was probably still within Skyhold. That at least helped a little, Skyhold was huge, but at least he was pretty sure that meant she was somewhere within it. Blackwell offered to help Anders look, but neither he nor Ari really trusted him that much. He was a fellow Warden, but they had discussed with each other how before the cure, neither her nor Alistair could sense him, and it put them both on edge. Anders got a vibe off him that he might be hiding something, so he turned down his offer for help.

He tried the Commander’s office. He knew Cullen was away, but maybe she was hiding in there for comfort anyway. He knew they were close, so maybe he’d find her there. He opened the door, hoping to see her sitting in one of the chairs by the fire usually occupied by the Inquisitor, but the room was empty. Anders slouched down on one of those chairs, trying to think. He’d been just about all over Skyhold taking probably the last three hours, and no sign of her. In fact no one had seen her. That, combined with Cullen’s letter was starting to worry him. What was going on that would be so bad that Cullen would send a guard to watch for him with a note saying that she shouldn't be alone. Had something happened? Was she in danger?

He put his hands to his eyes, and willed himself to think. Where would Ari go?

“Not fair, I was supposed to go first, he was supposed to stay and keep her safe. Was supposed to be 11. Now it’s nothing, dirt. Heart hurts so much, why is there so much pain. He broke his promise. He promised he'd stay with her.”

Anders jumped when he had spoke. “Cole?” he asked, and then looked around, seeing the boy standing near one of the doors.

“She is angry, sad, and a bit…. Bubbly?”

“Drunk you mean? Are you talking about Ari?” Anders asked

Cole nodded. “She hurts. She went where she can be alone, she wants everyone to leave her alone. Last time she wasn't alone and Cullen kissed her which made her angrier.”

“Cullen kissed her?” Anders was very confused.

“It hurts, too much. It used to hurt all the time, then Amber eyes, and she feels safe in the mages arms. She is happy but she doesn't deserve to be happy because he's gone and it's not eleven anymore.” Cole continued.

“Love seems very confusing. It seems to hurt, why would people want to hurt? Why would anyone want love?” he looked at Anders confused.

Anders stood, putting a reassuring hand on Cole's arm “Because the joy it brings is worth it. Where is she Cole? I can’t find her.”

“She wants everyone to leave her alone. She wants you to find her, you make it hurt less.”

Cole pointed out towards one of the far battlements. Anders thanked the spirit and then took off for where Cole had indicated.

***

When he arrived there, what he saw nearly broke his heart. She was there, right where Cole had said. Two, no, three empty wine bottles around her. Well, two by her, and a third smashed along a wall, like it had been thrown. Probably what Sera said she had “nicked”. She had another bottle in her hand, already started. She was sitting, leaning against the wall, and just staring off into the sky. She’d clearly been crying, and probably for a while, as her eyes were puffy. Her hair was in disarray as if she’d been rummaging through it, probably while crying.

He slowly walked up to her and slumped down so he was sitting next to her, pushing aside the bottles. “Hey” he said quietly.

She jumped, and looked in his direction, she had apparently been so intent on the sky, or drunk, that she hadn’t even heard him approach. “A..Anders?” she said, looking at him, reaching out a hand to touch his face with her fingertips, as if to test he was really there.

He took that hand in his, and kissed her fingers. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asked softly. She was still just staring at him, as in disbelief that he was there. Finally she shook her head, as if to will the ability to think. “Can you hold me? She asked.

“Of course,” he answered, putting his legs apart so that she could move in between them, leaning her head back against his chest, looking back up to the sky, while he wrapped his arms around her remembering what Cole had said about her feeling safe in his arms.

That sat in silence like that for nearly thirty minutes, her continuing to sip on her bottle, before he felt her start to sob again. “Ari?” he whispered. She jumped a little, apparently she had forgotten he was there again, causing him to chuckle just a little.

She wiped at her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m a mess.” She whimpered.

“Yes, you are, but it’s ok. You’re my mess” he said as he pulled her back down into his arms. “So why don’t you tell me why you’re a drunk mess today.” He teased.

She just shook her head.

“Does it have to do with Zevran?” he asked, and when she flinched, and he heard her muffle a sob, he knew he was right. “Cole said some things,” he continued. “What is today? Cullen said you’d need support today. You can tell me anything sweetheart” he said, while rubbing his hand along her hair to try to comfort the crying woman in his arms.

“Cole has a big mouth.” She said, and then laughed, apparently finding what she said funny. He’d never seen her this drunk before, even when they’d had parties back in the Wardens. If she wasn’t so upset, he might find it cute.

“Eleven, today is supposed to be eleven, it’s nothing. Am I being disloyal to Anders for wishing Zev was here or disloyal to Zev for wanting Anders? Who’s speaking? Why are my thoughts aloud? Can anyone else hear that or is it just me?”

“Thank you Cole, I think that’s enough”, Anders said, nodding to the boy who had appeared.

“I could make her forget, then she’d be happy.” Cole offered.

“No, she wouldn’t want that. Just give us a little time, alone, ok?” he said softly, hoping not to upset the boy. Cole nodded and then disappeared again.

Ari just drank through that conversation, seemingly unaware of it.

Anders looked down at her in his arms, and kissed the top of her head. “Today’s your anniversary.” He said to her, more a statement than a question. She nodded, tears starting again. He pulled her closer to him and kissed her temple.

“Go ahead and cry, Ari. I’ve got you, you’re safe here.” He whispered, and let his lips rest on her head, while she silently cried.


	45. Don't Hide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to felandaris for the help with the German in this story.  
> We did a poll in Cullenites, it was decided that would be the language of the Anders people ;)

About an hour later her breathing had slowed to the point that he knew she was asleep. He checked with a spell just to be sure she was ok, and satisfied that she was fine, just drunk, he leaned back against the wall again just holding her in his arms, hoping it was enough.

Suddenly she bolted up in his arms, looking around. “COLE!” she cried out, “Cole” this time looking right at Anders.

 _Maker, how drunk is she if she thinks I’m Cole_ , he thought. Deciding she wasn’t going to relax until he answered here, even though he didn’t want to trick her, he answered. “Yes?”

“Cole. Don’t tell him. Don’t tell Anders I love him!!” she sounded anxious. “He just wants to have fun, if he knew he’d leave, I don’t want that. Please, Cole!! Cole!”

Realizing she was waiting for him to speak, he said, “I promise!” and kissed her head again. That seemed to be all she needed to hear, as she fell back asleep in his arms.

Cole appeared soon after that, apparently having heard her call out to him. Anders decided they had been outside long enough at this point and asked Cole to find Bull and get him to come up to where they were. When he arrived, Anders asked him for help getting Ari back to her room. The qunari lifted up the sleeping woman as if she weighed nothing and followed Anders back to her bed, placing her down under the covers before leaving the two alone.

Anders sat on the edge of the bed, his hands running through her hair. He cast a spell to ensure she wouldn’t have a headache in the morning. He watched her sleep peacefully again. While he did, his mind raced with her admission that she had made. She _loved_ him. _She_ loved him. She loved _him_.

How does she not know, he thought. How could she not know how he felt about her? How did she not know how he'd adored her for over ten years? How could she not realize that she had saved him. Not because of exorcising Justice, or removing the taint. She had saved his heart, she had given him back his soul. How could she not know that she was his reason for everything he did? She was the moon and the stars in his sky. That she thought this was just a dalliance to him hurt. It hurt more than when she had broken his nose.

Then he realized how should could not know. He had never told her, or at least never when she was awake. He’d never uttered those words to her except when she was fast asleep in his arms, and even then, it was only in his native language, never in Ferelden. Of course she wouldn’t know, the last time she had spent any significant time with him was at Vigils Keep. Then he had no interest in any relationships, just looking for fun, making his way through the men and women in the Wardens, leaving some broken hearts along the way. So many that she had to pull him into her office one day and have a difficult conversation with him about it.

He realized that he had a horrible mistake he had to fix quickly.

***

Ari woke up unsure how she had gotten back to her bed, but the sleeping kitty along her side confirmed it was her room. She opened her eye, expecting a headache, but there wasn’t any. Well either she was really lucky, or her personal healer had a hand in that, she realized. She smiled as she thought of them, then her mind caught up and reminded her of snippets of the day before. Things her traitorous mouth had let escape, and images moved in her head, Cole shifted and turned into Anders. _Shit shit shit_ she thought, throwing her hands on her head, covering her eyes. She removed them and slowly looked around, he was not there. _Shit_ she thought, _of course he left_.

Ari lied in the bed staring up at the ceiling. How had she ruined this? Finally a small piece of happiness after so many achingly lonely years alone and it was done because of her big mouth. Alistair had tried to warn her, but she didn't want to hear him, she pushed him away, told him he was being over-protective, and now he was back in Denerim, and Cullen was in Orlais, and she was alone in a room with a cat. Maybe she could just hide in Cullen's office until he returned and then just go back to Denerim and lick her wounds there. Maybe this was punishment for straying, she thought, rolling on her side with a sigh.

She sat up on the side of the bed, and looked around the room. That’s when she noticed on the table by the couch was a pitcher of water and a note next to it leaning on a glass. She walked over to the couch, Lady T following her, and plopping in her lap when she sat down. With shaking hands she took the note.

_Ari –_

_Hopefully I was able to remove your headache. Drink all this water – healer’s orders._

_When you’re up to it, come find me at the infirmary so we can talk_

_-A_

She poured a glass of water, and started drinking. She hadn’t meant for him to find out, especially not like that. Things had been going so good, but her big stupid mouth had to go and ruin it. And now he wanted to talk. That was rarely good. She rested her head back on the couch, and decided she’d at least follow his orders to drink the water. She pet the purring cat in her lap and wished beyond anything he hadn’t found her yesterday.

***

When she finally decided she couldn’t avoid him any longer, Ari got dressed and headed down to the infirmary, bracing herself for what she knew was coming. She told herself that if she needed to she could probably hide in the tavern with Bull and Sera until everyone else got back. Both Cullen and Leli were at the Winter Palace, so there was really no one she trusted enough if her heart was about to be broken.

When she got there, he was sitting down healing a soldiers arm. As soon as he saw her, he looked up and gave her a warm smile. _Ok, that’s not so bad_ she thought. He said something to the man, then turned and said something else to another healer who nodded and walked away. Anders headed towards her, and held out his hand for her to take when he got close enough.

“Feeling better?” he asked, while at the same time running a hand over her head to check for any issues.

“I’m ok”, she said with a shaky voice. “Um, you… you wanted to talk.”

He gave her another warm smile, and led her out of the infirmary. They walked off to a quiet part of Skyhold she had never been to before, but recognized from talking to Cullen because of the chessboard that sat there. This was one of the places he and Evelyn liked to go, where they could just be them, not the Commander and the Inquisitor. Anders led her to a bench, and when he sat next to her, she stared at the ground, afraid to look up. He said nothing at first, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb.

“Ari, are you going to look at me, Sweetheart?” he asked, taking her chin in his hand pulling it gently up.

When she did, she was surprised to see the warmth in his eyes.

“There you are,” he smiled again. “I wanted to talk about something now that you’re sober.”

“Anders, I’m sorry I was really drunk yesterday….”

“Ari”

“and I said some things that I should…”

“Ari”

“probably not have…”

“Verdammt woman. Stop talking” he chuckled and he kissed her to stop any more words from falling out. When he pulled back she was mercifully silent, just staring at him, blinking, touching her lips with her fingertips.

“Thank you, Maker. Can you let me say what I need to now? No interruptions?”, he laughed at her with pretend exasperation.

She nodded but said nothing, following his wishes. She was terrified of what he was about to say, trying to keep the tears that were just behind her eyes from coming out.

“Ari, yesterday you said something I need to correct. You thought I was Cole, and you said something I know you didn’t expect me to hear.” He held up his finger to her mouth when she opened it to speak, “You are really not good at following orders outside of the bedroom, are you? How did you ever become the Commander?” he shook his head at her. “Ari, you said I just wanted a good time and that I didn’t want anything serious between us. But sweetheart, you were wrong.”

She blinked. _Wait, what?_

“Ari, I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I thought I did, but it wasn’t like this. It’s my fault you don’t know how I feel, and I am so sorry that I didn’t make it clear to you sooner just how important you are to me.”

She stared still. Maybe she was still dreaming. She pinched her arm, nope, awake. _Ouch_.

“Ari,” he said taking both her hands in his, he pulled one up and kissed the back of it before placing it on his cheek. “When I was in the circle, love was only a game. It gave the Templars too much power because there was something you couldn’t stand to lose. No mage I’ve known has ever dared to fall in love. This is the rule I will most cherish breaking.” And with his confession he pulled her into a heated kiss. She felt like she was melting, still wondering if she heard him right.

When he pulled back, he kept his forehead on hers, his hand on her cheek, rubbing his thumb along it. “Ari, I love you. I have loved you for longer than I should admit. I have been in love with you when I had no right to be in love with you for so many long years.” He kissed her again. She felt her heart soar. It had been sitting as a lump in her throat all day, but now it was back in her chest, threatening to punch its way out of her. He pulled her into his lap, not breaking the kiss as he wrapped her arms around him. When he broke contact, he couldn’t help the small laugh when he looked down and saw the tears in her eyes. “I love you too.” She said, smiling, while wiping away her tears. She ran her hand along his chin.

“Sweetheart, there’s something else.” He said. She nodded, it really didn’t matter to her what he had to say, he’d already said the words she dreamed to hear. He took her hand in his. “Ari, I love you,” she smiled at those words again, “But I mean all of you. Sweetheart, I don’t want you to hide things from me, especially about Zevran.”

She looked down.“I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispered.

“Honey,” he kissed her cheek. “You will not hurt me. I know you loved him, I know you still do. He was a huge part of your life, he was your husband, and Eleanor’s father. I want you to know you can tell me anything, I don’t want you to ever hide that part of your life from me. I know I will always have to share your heart with him, and I’m ok with that. All I want is to make you as happy, and for you to feel as loved as he made you.”

Hearing those words she threw her arms around his neck, her head into the crook of his shoulder and felt tears of joy running down her cheeks as he hugged her tight. “Thank you” she whispered. Anders tilted his head down and captured her lips in another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know in the game some of those lines are what he said to Hawke, but in my canon, he never said that to her, so it fits here.


	46. I Missed You

She’d only been away from Skyhold three days, and yet Anders felt like he was losing his mind already. It wasn’t that it was a dangerous mission, Ari was accompanying the Inquisitor and Dorian to Redcliff to meet someone Dorian’s father had sent. She was using it as an excuse to see her brother at his villa in the town. Anders was surprised at how used he’d gotten to feeling her beside him as he slept at night after just a few months, but now that she was away, sleep didn’t come as easy. He was lying on the couch, Lady Tigerly sitting upon his chest, batting at his fingers.

“I miss her too, girl.” He said to the kitten. Anders decided maybe he should seek out the only other man in Skyhold that probably knew how he was feeling right now. He set the cat down, and made his way to Cullen’s tower.

He hadn’t made it all the way to the tower before he noticed the Commander with his troops. Cullen appeared to be working them fairly hard, yelling orders, and making it clear how unprepared they were for battle. When he finally called for a break, the men seemed relieved. While they’d never say anything to the Commander, they hated training on the days the Inquisitor was gone, they were always so much worse.

Cullen spotted Anders and gave a nod. He went to the water bucket and splashed some over his head to cool off, before drying it with a towel. He then walked over to the mage.

Anders chuckled, “I was coming over to see you to see if you’re holding up as poorly as I am with them gone, but I see all I need is some troops to smack around.”

Cullen snorted. “Come on, I’ll buy you a drink.”

As they strode way to the tavern Anders spoke up, “Really though, how do you keep from going insane when Evelyn is gone?”

“You do what you need to, whatever you need, to get through the day,” he said, raising an eyebrow. “Then when she comes back, you show her just how much you missed her.” He smirked at the mage. “I've found keeping busy helps. For me it's work, but for you, maybe some card games or spending time with Varric.”

When they entered the tavern, they spotted Hawke, Fenris and Varric. Cullen signaled to the barmaid for two as he moved to the table the others were at. For a moment it felt like they were back in the Hanged Man. Throw in an oversexed pirate and a preachy Prince and it would be perfect.

***

Ari entered the study having been shown the way by the maid. She was barely two steps in before Fergus had her lifted in the ground spinning her around as he laughed. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged.

“Maker, I’ve missed you Pup.” He smiled while putting her down.

“It’s great to see you too, brother.” She laughed in response.

“Come, sit. Tell me everything,” he led her to the chairs and poured them both a drink.

“Me, how about you, tell me about Elissa. I know Eleanor adores her.” She smiled.

“She’s amazing. You two will get along great. In fact I’m dreading just how well you’ll get along” he winked at her as he sat. Fergus touched her face as if to reassure himself she was really there. “When are you coming home, pup? I have missed you.”

“Very soon,” she reassured him. “I've missed you too.”

“Well you could have popped in. I mean you made time to see Nate, after all.” he watched out of the corner of his eye and started laughing as she began to choke on her drink.

“Leave her alone before she decides to run away again.” came a voice from the door.

“Nate!” Ari called out, rising back up and pulling him into a hug.

He wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on hers. “So glad to see you, Ri. It’s been too long.” He squeezed her harder.

“Andraste’s arse, Nate. I can’t breathe,” she laughed but didn't pull away from the hug.  Fergus left and gave them a few minutes alone.  When he returned they were sitting on the couch.

“So, you’re getting married,” she smiled at him, “To a Hawke no less.”

“Mmm hmm.” Nathaniel said sounding like he wasn’t really paying attention. He shared a look with Fergus. “So, Eleanor came for a visit last week.”

“Oh, and how did it go?” she asked assuming they had discussed what Eleanor had overheard.

“Ok,” he smirked at Fergus again. Something was definitely up she realized too late. “She told me that I was not allowed to kiss you anymore since you’re now kissing Anders.”

Ari spit out her brandy while the two men laughed.

“Seriously, pup. What is it with you and the bad boys? First you marry an assassin and now you’re carrying on with the infamous Anders. If Da’ wasn’t already dead, your choice in men would have killed him.” Fergus laughed.

“Hey!” Nathaniel batted at him, causing Fergus to laugh harder.

“I was expecting more of a lecture, honestly.” Ari looked at them both.

“Yes, because you’ve ever listened to me about men,” Fergus rolled his eyes pointing a thumb at Nate. “Besides, Nate vouched for the man, so if I don’t like him, I can blame him.”

Ari rolled her eyes and relaxed. The three spent the rest of the night catching up and laughing, looking nearly like they had so many years ago when they had been carefree teens on a hunt.

***

Anders was in the infirmary doing just as Cullen had suggested, well, not _that_ , but keeping busy. He was currently cutting up ingredients and making a variety of healing potions. He was so engaged in it that he hadn’t heard Cullen enter. The Commander let out a small cough, causing Anders to jump, and scramble to stop the bottles from tipping over.

Cullen chuckled at the display. “I guess you didn’t hear the horn then either.”

Anders quirked a brow, “Horn?”

“They’re back, come on, Bull said they’re in the Tavern.” Cullen answered, turning to leave, knowing Anders would be right behind. They had been gone almost two weeks, and both men were eager to see their lady loves.

***

Ari, Evelyn and Dorian sat at the bar. They were trying their best to cheer Dorian up. Things had not gone as well as planned, and the mage was unsure how to proceed.

The singer was singing a song about the Hero of Ferelden and her fight against the Darkspawn.

“Is it weird, hearing her sing, knowing it’s about you?” Evelyn asked.

Ari shrugged, “It was at first, but after a while you just ignore it. You do realize they’re writing songs about you now. Actually, probably about you and a certain curly-haired Commander.” Ari winked at her as Evelyn blushed. _Oh Maker_ , Ari thought, _what a pair_.

They heard the tavern door open and looked over to see Cullen and Anders both looking around the room.

“I suppose they’re looking for us,” Ari leaned over to Evelyn.

“Should we be nice and wave at them or let them keep looking?” Evelyn chuckled back.

“I think we should make them suffer. Do you think either of them got a solid night’s sleep while we were gone?” Ari laughed, her head near Evelyn.

“Maker no. They look like a couple of children on Satinalia waiting to unwrap their gifts.”

“You do realize we’re the gifts, right?” Ari asked and they both started to laugh.

Dorian plopped a bowl of grapes in front of them. “You want to cheer me up, tell me!” he said, pointing at the grapes and at the two women that were now laughing hardily, while casting glances at the door.

***

Cullen spotted the women about the same time Anders did, but shook his head and held out his arm to stop the mage from moving forward.

“That” he said pointing to them at the bar, “is not good. I have two sisters, it’s never good for the men when they have their heads together like that and are laughing.”

Anders laughed and patted the Commander on the shoulder, “Zevran once told me it’s when they’re like that and not laughing that you’re in trouble. Otherwise, it’s safe.”

He stepped around the Commander trying not to run to the bar, hearing Cullen behind him. Ari was trying to cover a laugh while Dorian was holding up a grape and rolling his eyes.

“Stop harassing my woman, Vint”, Anders chuckled, turning Ari around so she was facing him on the stool. He kissed her gently. “Miss me, sweetheart?” he asked.

Ari put her arms around his and hopped off the stool, “I did,” she replied leaning up to kiss him again. “Really could have used you when getting the third degree from my brother and Nate about you.” She laughed as she saw him turn a little red. “Don’t worry, apparently Nate vouched for you.”

“I’m not sure that makes me feel better, love” he said kissing her nose. “How'd the even know?”

Ari laughed again. “Well you’ve apparently won over Eleanor? She told Nate I was only allowed to kiss you now and that he should back off.”

“Well then, we don’t want to go against Royal orders, do we?” Anders wagged his eyebrow, and pulled her up for another kiss. Ari's arms tightened around his neck as she felt something hard press against her when she was pulled closer to him.

Dorian looked at them, then over to the Commander and Inquisitor who were also lip locked. He sighed and picked up a grape, plopping it in his mouth. He rested his head on his hand, elbow on the bar. He then nearly choked when he caught a glimpse of the look Bull was giving him from across the way.

***

They sat at the table to play Wicked Grace in the private room of the Tavern. Fenris, Hawke, Bull and Dorian on one side, Anders, Ari, Evelyn and Cullen on the other, and Varric at the end. Over the last few months Fenris had come to tolerate Dorian. It wasn't friendship, but it was an improvement over when he nearly killed the mage when they first met.

Ari started to take a seat, only to have Anders pull her into his lap. “You’ve been away from me too long, sweetheart. I intend to keep you as close as possible.” Across the table Fenris rolled his eyes and Hawke reminded him they were like that once too.

Ari settled across his lap and picked up her cards, she threw in her ante and waited, watching the table for any tells. She hadn’t played against Hawke and Fenris enough to know theirs. Anders whispered in her ear, “Hawke will bite her lower lip, means she has a good hand. Just like you do when I nibble on your ear…like this.” He bit on her lobe gently, causing her to do, as he said, bite her lip and grab his leg to hold back a moan.

When he was done she looked at him and grinned at the innocent look he was trying to give her. “What about Fenris?” she whispered.

“He doesn’t have one,” he shrugged. “He just looks grumpy like always.”

“I can hear you, mage,” Fenris raised an eyebrow pretending to sound annoyed as he looked at his cards, causing Ari to chuckle.

The hand continued, Ari winning the first round and picking up her cards for the second. She made her bet, and then looked around again. She stopped paying attention as she felt Anders fingers start to rub along her inner thigh and felt his breath along her neck, hot and light. She felt something hitting the side of her leg and looked at him with a knowing smirk.

“Someone’s missed me I see,” she whispered low and breathy into his ear so that no one else could here. The hand tightening around her leg let her know it had the desired effect.

“Sweetheart,” he murmured in her ear, “you have no idea.” His tongue traced along her ear lobe and he could feel her shiver.

“You two are worse than them,” Varric growled looking right at them while pointing to Hawke and Fenris who had their heads together.

Ari and Hawke both giggled while the men both exchanged looks and said nothing, as if a challenge had been made between the two. Fenris leaned over and whispered something in Hawke’s ear causing her to blush.

The hand of Wicked Grace continued, as did Anders rubbing of Ari’s leg. He slowly moved it up closer to where she desperately wanted him to touch her. She was trying really hard to concentrate, but nearly dropped her cards when he leaned into her ear, after running his tongue up her neck. “You don’t know how empty that bed it without you in it. I tried so hard to imagine you there, but these hands just don’t feel the same on me as your delicate, little fingers,” he touched one of her hands with his as he spoke. “I spent every night imagining them on me. Tugging and pulling, scratching.”

Ari let out a small noise, which he knew was her trying to stifle a moan. She squirmed in his lap, rubbing along him, knowing it was affecting him but not caring.

Across the way she could hear Hawke giggle as Fenris’ hand had disappeared under the table.

“Mmm,” Anders breathed in her ear. “It’s a shame you have to be quiet right now. Because, sweetheart, I love the noises you make when you’re under me. It made me so hard every night, thinking of those delicious sounds you make when I touch you. The way your eyes roll back into your head when I push my…”

Ari tossed a 20 silver coin at Bull. “Hand me your room key. Now!” she told the warrior. He laughed but handed it over just the same. Ari stood up, grabbed Anders hand and dragged him off in the direction of Bull’s room.

 

 


	47. The Target

Morning sun hit Ari’s eyes and she blinked. A smile came across her face immediately as she felt Anders nuzzling the back of her neck with his nose. What started in Bull’s room moved quickly back to theirs. They had made love until they both passed out from the exhaustion. His hand moved to her abdomen pulling her closer to him as he began to kiss her neck.

Ari giggled. “You’re insatiable.”

“Mmmm…” he licked her lobe. “And you were gone, far too long love.”

“You know,” she smiled as he rolled her over so that he was on top of her kissing her neck. “This just encourages me to leave on more missions.”

“Sweetheart, I will tie you to this bed and never let you leave if I have to,” Anders growled as he grabbed her hands, placing them above her head and kissed her forcefully, swallowing her laughter.

A knock at the door interrupted their playfulness. He rolled off her to stand on the floor. “Don’t move” he pointed to her, wrapping a towel around his waist and answering the door. She nodded and rolled her eyes at him.

He opened the door to find a messenger there. The man turned bright red upon seeing Anders state of undress. “Yes?” Anders asked after waiting for the man to say anything.

“Oh, um, yes a message for you ser. Actually for the Lady.” The messenger stammered still staring at Anders.

“My eyes are up here” he laughed. “Spit it out already, unless you wish to join us…” he raised his eyebrow.

“Dear, stop tormenting the boy.” Ari called out from the bed. Anders turned and looked back at the messenger rolling his hand for the man to continue.

“Huh? Oh right, yes, uh. There’s a War Council meeting in 10 minutes, your presence is requested Lady Arainai.” The messenger bowed and quickly scurried off.

Anders shut the door and started walking back to the bed dropping the towel along the way. “Pleasant chap, a bit nervous though.” He smiled, ducking at the pillow Ari through at him and lunging on the bed.

Ari started to giggle as he pressed her underneath him again and started kissing her shoulder and chest, “Anders, stop. I need to get dressed.” As she tried to pull out of his grasp.

“Hmm. Fine, but we are continuing this later.” He smirked at her, leaning down to give her one lingering kiss on the lips that he knew always made her weak in the knees. “That’s to make sure you’re thinking of me today.”

“Always” she replied and kissed his nose, as she rose to get dressed. Anders laid on his side watching as she did with a strange grin on his face that made her laugh nervously when she looked over.

***

Ari entered the War Room along with Hawke, finding the rest of the council already there.

“Glad to see your men let you both go long enough to join us,” Leliana teased them. “Although I did hear Anders had quite the affect on one of my messengers.”

Ari rolled her eyes. “I’m quite sure you did that on purpose, Leli” she smiled at her friend.

“So, why are we here?” Hawke asked, hoping no one noticed the new mark on her neck. Ari gave her a smirk that told the Champion no such luck. Ari also noticed something else, but made no comment, deciding that she'd leave it to Hawke to tell them when she was ready.

They got down to business, discussing what new information had come up since they’d been in Redcliffe.

“Commander Howe has told me he’s received no communications in the last two weeks from the Warden outposts here and here,” Ari placed two markers on the map. “We have to assume they’ve either been taken over by Corypheus, or they are dead.”

Ari looked up to the Commander. Even though his stance was ever the general, his eyes watched her with sympathy, knowing that she was hurting, just as he would be if it was his own troops.

The Inquisitor nodded. “Nightingale, Commander, any advice?”

“Let me send a few scouts that way, see what we’re up against.” Leliana suggested.

The Inquisitor nodded. “Do so. Any other business?”

“Just this one thing. Hero, we received this message yesterday. I believe it’s for you.” She handed Ari a piece of paper. She read it and then handed it to Cullen who read it and passed it off to Hawke.

“Leli, Hawke” she nodded to the two women, “please meet me in my room in two hours to discuss this.”

They all nodded, and with the meeting ended, began to leave.

“Cullen, can you stay for a minute? I need to talk about that with you, alone.” Ari asked.

“Of course,” he said, turning back to her. Once they all had left and the door was closed he stood next to her where she was looking down on the note. He placed an arm around her and pulled her closer, letting her rest her head along him. “Tell me how I can help.”

***

_Lady A –_

_The target Crow is on her way to Skyhold._

_-Master I_

***

“I’m going to need both your help with this. We don’t know when she’s arriving, but best guess would be sometime in the next few days, possibly tonight.” Ari said to Hawke and Leli in the privacy of her room.

“But who’s the target?” Hawke asked. “Who are we protecting, it doesn’t say” she looked at the note again.

“The Crow is the target,” Ari explained. “That’s why his note says ‘target Crow’. It’s Lysette, I know it. Somehow she found out I’m here. She probably thinks Eleanor is here too. Maybe she got sick of me disposing of her men and came to do the deed herself. Either way, it ends here. Are you both in? You’re the best rogues I know, I need you.”

“You know I am,” Leliana answered. “Zev was my friend, anything I can do I will.”

“Count me in too,” Hawke nodded.

Anders entered the room to find the three rogues with their heads together, deep in planning. They had a map of Skyhold rolled out on the desk and were marking locations on it.

“I didn’t know we’d have company, love.” He nodded. “It’s not even my birthday.”

Hawke rolled her eyes. “Talk like that is not going to help keep Fenris civil toward you, you know.”

Anders just smirked at her and plopped down on the couch, picking up Lady T. “You all seem so serious over there, what’s going on? Plotting a prank on Cullen?”

Ari looked to the other women. “We’ll meet up just before midnight at the well, ok? I need to talk to Anders.”

They both nodded and left. Anders stood up and walked over to her. “Um, I’m not in trouble for that, am I? I was just kidding sweetheart, you’re the only one I want warming my bed,” he bent down to kiss her.

Ari returned the kiss, holding him close for a moment.

“Love,” Anders said, looking in her eyes. “What is it? You’re shaking.”

“Anders, I need you to go to Cullen’s quarters and stay there until I tell you it’s safe.” She answered.

“What? Why? Fenris isn’t really going to be mad. Hawke won’t even tell him what I said.” He looked at her confused. “Besides, you owe me naked snuggling from this morning.”

“Anders, I’m serious.” She looked up into his eyes, “Please, I need you to do this.”

“Why?” he asked. “Tell me Ari, you promised, no more secrets.”

She nodded. “We got a letter today. From someone, a Crow, that I know. The Guild Master, Lysette, she’s on her way here to kill me. She doesn’t know we know. We’re going to get to her first.”

“Ari, you know I’m not going to just let you do this without me. I understand you want your revenge on her, but I’m not going to stand back while…”

“Yes, you are Anders.” She interrupted him and placed a finger on his lips when he tried to speak again. “Maker, Anders, you have to. Please, for me.”

He quirked his head to indicate he needed more.

“Anders, I already lost Zev to this woman. I’m a mother without her child because of this woman. I won’t… I can’t lose you to her too. I can’t risk that, please don’t ask me to. I love you, and I can’t bear to lose someone else I love to this woman. Please, just say you’ll do this.” She begged him, tears falling freely.

Anders looked in her eyes, all the fight left his body seeing how scared she was. “Of course Sweetheart. Anything you ask, I promise, I’ll go to Cullen’s tonight.” He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight. “Just be safe, ok? You’re not the only one who can’t bear to lose something.”

Ari nodded. “That’s why I asked Leli and Hawke. They’re the best rogues I know.”

Anders sighed. “So you’re back, but I still don’t get you to myself.”

“I promise Anders, you will. When Lysette is dead, we can lock ourselves in this room and not come out for days.” She kissed his nose.

“I’m going to hold you to that, Love.” He winked at her. “And the idea of tying you to that bed to keep you put is becoming quite attractive.”


	48. Waiting

Cullen read through the reports of the day. The reports of the Wardens was no less promising than the information Ari had already provided. He read through an assessment of the Hissing Wastes when he noticed a flame from the corner of his eye.

“I realize you’re not happy being here, but I’d appreciate if you didn’t set my room on fire, Anders” he said without looking up.

“Hmph” was the response.

Cullen sighed. He knew this was not going to be easy, and when Ari had suggested it to him in the War room he’d half hoped Anders would reject the idea, but here he was. He put down what he was reading and turned his attention to the agitated mage in the corner.

“I shouldn’t be sitting here doing nothing. I could be helping, this is crazy me just hanging around here while she’s preparing to take on a Maker forsaken Crow!” Anders growled, pacing around the room.

Cullen nodded. He understood the man’s frustrations. He had to watch the Inquisitor leave that afternoon with her party to the Hissing Wastes. If he could have, he would have locked her away to keep her safe, but he knew he couldn’t.

Anders continued to pace, his arms flying around as he did. “Instead she sends me away to a Templar. Sorry, Ex-Templar, as if I need to be watched. As if I can’t take care of myself. I served with the Wardens, spent ten years at Hawkes side. I shouldn’t be just tucked away in a tower like I’m a helpless mage back in the Circle. I should be down there, fighting. Does she think I can’t protect her?”

“Anders, SIT!” Cullen glared at him, while he understood the man's frustration, he also knew that he needed to get him to understand the situation. Anders gulped and sat right away, still agitated but slightly terrified at the Commander that had appeared.

“Look, I get it, the last thing you want is sitting around in a tower with a former Templar. Trust me, this is no picnic for me either. I know your instinct is to want to protect her, I get that too. Do you think I enjoy sending the Inquisitor out on missions knowing she might not come back?” Cullen looked at the man.

“Well if you understand, why are you going along with this? Help me put a stop…” Anders began to rant.

“Because you didn’t see how she was.” Cullen practically yelled at Anders, shutting up the mage instantly.

“What do you mean?” Anders asked, quieter now, realizing that Cullen was agitated.

“After Zevran died. You didn’t see her. Maker, Anders, I was tortured, put through watching my friend die before me. I don’t think anything was worse than that. But I don’t think I was as broken as she was. It was horrible.” Cullen sighed, sinking onto the chair. “You don’t understand. We had to beg her to eat, she lost so much weight, she looked so small. They had to use spells to get her to sleep. She wasn’t… Ari.”

Cullen continued, seeing that Anders had calmed down, watching him with concern. “She was so lost, her brother had to take care of Eleanor, she couldn’t even do that. She stopped talking to the King, and when she wasn’t sleeping she was crying, wailing. She…did things she wouldn’t normally do.” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck realizing it would be bad form to tell him about what she had done with him and with some ex lover. “She’s only recently started acting more, I don’t know, Ari. I think that’s because of you.” Cullen lifted his hand to motion at Anders as he did. “She needs you, if I let you out there and something happens to you, it will destroy her, and I’m not so sure she’d recover this time. There's only so many times she can lose everything before it finally breaks her for good.”

Cullen shook his head.“So my point, Anders,” Cullen’s voice was getting slightly harsh again, “is I really don’t care if staying here for a few days makes you feel like you’re back in the Circle. You deal with it, because you can and you’ll be just fine in a few days, but there is no way I’m risking her going back to being like that just so that you’re not ‘uncomfortable’. Understood?”

Anders nodded, feeling ashamed for having even considered sneaking out. He had only been thinking about wanting to protect her. It hadn't occurred to him that by keeping himself safe, he was doing just that.

“So,” Cullen continued, sounding calmer, “should I smite you and tie you to a chair to make you stay or would some whiskey and cards do the trick?”

“I think the drink and game sounds a little more appealing, Commander,” Anders smiled at his friend.

***

Ari sat along the edge of the well, Leliana behind her. Ari kept playing with the dagger in her hand while Leliana braided her hair. Occasionally she’d glance up towards Cullen’s tower. It was well past midnight, and she was sure he was already asleep, she hoped he wasn’t too angry she had sent him away, even if it was for his safety.

“Keep staring like that and you’re going to burn another hole in the Commander’s ceiling,” Leliana laughed from behind her.

Ari snorted, “Someday you need to tell me how it is that you always know what I’m doing, Leli.”

“I’m never giving up my secrets, keeps you on your toes,” Leliana teased.

“Do you think those two are going to sit up there all night or will Hawke ever actually join us?” Ari asked, her eyes looking up and to the corner of the roof of the stables.

Leliana looked up to the same area where two shadows could be seen. “If her broody elf will let her, probably.”

“When is this bitch going to show? I want to get on with the stabbing already,” Ari playfully whined.

***

Hawke had her head leaning against Fenris’ shoulder, his arm around her waist.

“You don’t have to actually sit here all night watching me you know.” She teased him.

“I’m pretty sure I do, Hawke.” He replied.

“Don’t trust me? Afraid those two will be a bad influence?” she asked.

“It’s not you I don’t trust, Hawke. It’s the insane Crow wandering around somewhere. I will not allow anything to happen to you,” his arm around her tightened. Fenris had trouble saying the words ‘I love you’, and Hawke had come to accept that, but he showed it to her every day in his actions. Everyone else viewed him, as Varric had once put it, as and angry porcupine, but the Fenris she saw was gentle, he’d read poetry to her, brush her hair at night before bed, and find a hundred small ways every day to show her that he cherished her. To Hawke, that was worth a million whispered “I love yous”.

“You surprise me, Fenris.”

“How?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“About Anders. I thought for sure you’d be trying to talk Ari away from him, but instead you seem to, well, almost be encouraging their relationship.” she watched at his face while she spoke.

Fenris looked down at the ground, something Hawke knew meant he was trying to process what he wanted to say. When he looked back up, he was looking at her softly.

“I encourage it because I can see, he loves her. He’s loved her a very long time.” He nodded. “Much the way I love you.” he touched her face with a gentle brush of his fingers.

“You knew?” Hawke asked, surprised.

Fenris nodded again. “At least since her visit to Kirkwall. I saw a look in his eyes then, it was the same look I gave you, when you weren’t looking during that time. I could see the same pain of loving someone you couldn’t have, or thought you couldn’t.” Fenris touched Hawke’s cheek with his hand again. “That you ever gave me a second chance was more than I could have ever dreamed. It is not something I will squander.” Fenris bent down and placed a soft kiss on Hawke’s lips. “But, if you had never done so, I can only imagine the pain I’d feel every day for the rest of my life, that I had lost my one chance at happiness. How can I deny him that same thing with her.” He looked down to where Ari sat.

Hawke looked at Fenris, Maker she thought, as soon as this stakeout is over, I’m dragging him to a bed. Fenris may not think he was romantic, but she sure did.

***

The next morning Anders awoke, there had been no word from Arianna. Since no guards had knocked on the door either, he had to assume that meant Lysette had not yet shown herself. It also meant that Ari was still in danger. The Commander was already downstairs, Anders could hear him shuffling around papers, probably up since before dawn.

Anders cleaned himself off in the basin and then made his way down. Cullen looked up when he heard him climb down the ladder.

“Breakfast is over there,” Cullen nodded, pointing to a table near the fire. There was also a note on the tray, one that he recognized as Ari’s handwriting. He read the note, and then let out a sigh of disappointment as he leaned back in his seat.

_Anders-_

_There has been no change. She did not show last night, so I need you to please stay where you are. Please, don’t be angry at me, I know that this is hard for you. Trust me, I’d rather have you in my bed then tucked away in a tower as well._

_Please understand, if she knows I’m here, that can only mean there’s a spy here somewhere. And if that’s the case, then that means she probably also knows about you, and she will not hesitate to get to me through you. Please, for my hearts sake, stay where you are. It’s not safe for me to see you now, there’s too much risk the spy may see, but know you are in my thoughts, and my heart. Please, just a few days._

_I love you_

_-Ari_


	49. Home

Ari ran through drills with the rogues in the Inquisition army. They were still rough, and needed work. Still, the drills at least kept her mind focused. Last night had been a waste. There had been no trace of the Crows. She prayed that was because they had not yet arrived, and not that they had missed them. She was already angry after Leliana had pointed out that the only way Lysette could have known Ari was even in Skyhold was if there was a spy.

She dismissed them finding she was still too tired and too worked up from the night before. She had been unable to sleep in their bed without him there, so agitation was all she was left with. She was preparing to head back to the main hall when a soldier blocked her way. His (or her) helmet was still on, so she could not see who it was.

“You’re never going to defeat her if you can’t relax and focus.” The man said.

“Her?” Ari narrowed her eyes, hands resting on her hips where her daggers were. “Who are you?”

“That bitch Lysette, you need to focus, My Lady. Make sure you kick her ass. I’d like to help.” He removed his helmet.

“Marcus!” she yelled out, her hands immediately shooting out to pull him into a hug. “Oh Maker, you are a sight for sore eyes. What are you doing here?”

“I joined the Inquisitions forces a little over a year ago, My Lady. Commander Cullen remembered me. I was away on a mission, but when I heard you were here, I had to rush back. I only just arrived a few hours ago, and heard about the Crows.” He rested his helmet on a fence. “Allow me to offer my aid. Zevran was a good man who did not deserve an end like that.”

“I knew you weren’t a nanny,” Ari winked at him. “Absolutely. Rest up, we’re meeting again at the well at 10 tonight.”

Marcus bowed, and grabbed his helmet, retreating for the barracks.

***

Anders was laying on the bed in nothing but his bed trousers. His head was up against the edge of the pillow. Ari was straddling his hips, looking down at him with a smile. His hands were running along her sides. She was dressed in black lace that just barely covered her.

“Where did you get this?” he growled at her. He was getting hard just looking at her in the skimpy outfit.

“Leli and I got it in a shop in Val Royeaux. You like it?” she asked coyly.

“Sweetheart, I’m going to buy you the whole store,” he purred, his hands constantly moving all over her torso. She was rubbing herself along his length. Only his sleep trousers and a thin piece of fabric separated them. Anders watched her though heavy lids. While Ari was convinced that the bad was because of Justice, Anders was not so sure, guilt followed him everywhere. But looking at this angel sitting on him now, he thanked the Maker for whatever he may have done to deserve her. This beauty that he had loved from afar, who he never thought would give him a second look. Here she was, atop him, and somehow she desired him. She _loved_ him.

Ari reached next to her, pulling up the bowl she had brought from the kitchen. She dipped her finger in, pulling it out with a swirl of whipped cream on it. She held it up to Anders mouth. He opened his lips, closing them softly around her digit when she put it in, licking the cream from it with his greedy tongue. She purred as he did so, causing his hands that were resting on her hips to tighten. He wanted to be inside her so bad. The black silky outfit she was wearing was accenting her curves in just the right way, he couldn’t stop looking at her. She continued moving along him, tormenting him.

Ari reached into the bowl, and brought up another swirl of cream, this time however she ran it along his chest, down to his abdomen. She repeated it again. She then slid down his body and started licking the cream from him, starting slowly on his abdomen. He could feel her incredible tongue lapping at him. He didn’t believe it was possible, but he was becoming harder from her ministrations. He knew how good that wicked tongue felt on his member, and her current actions were sending his mind twirling. She continued her slow ascent up his torso, led by her tongue greedily lapping up the cream. He could barely stand it, he wanted so bad to flip her over and just take her, but he wanted her to have her fun. She reached a nipple, and her tongue ran over it. Anders let out a moan, his head arching back, the pillow falling on top of him. She moved to the other nipple.

Anders eyes flew open. It was pitch black. He realized what had awoken him was the forearm of the sleeping Commander next to him hitting him in the face. Anders shoved the arm away from him and sat up. He shook his head as he recalled Fenris once saying to Hawke, “You take me to strange places.” Waking up in the bed of an Ex-Templar definitely qualified, even if there wasn’t any hanky-panky going on, just sleep.

He ran his hand over his face. He was definitely not getting any more sleep tonight, especially after a dream like that. He allowed his eyes to adjust to the dark before he lifted himself from the bed. Looking around, he could see signs of a woman’s touch in the Commander’s room. A vase with a few sprigs of Andraste’s Grace, a little bit of decoration in other places.

Looking at the far wall, near the ladder, he could see pieces of paper, lots of pieces in fact, tacked to the wall. Anders rose and walked over there curious to see what it was. When he got to the wall he could see they were all a child’s drawings and he quickly realized they were all from Eleanor. There was the two of them riding horses, playing in castles, sitting on a blanket under a moon, and battling dragons. It was years worth of pictures, and Anders could see the progression from a few scribbles on the paper to actual drawings. Looking around he realized this tower was the Commander to a tee. Downstairs it was all business, the intimidating Commander of the Inquisition’s forces. But up here, in his bedroom, it was more _Cullen_ – things from his lady love strewn about, and pictures from a little girl that loved him. He imagined Cullen probably looked at those during a particularly hard day to make it better.

Anders slid way quietly down the ladder. He flicked his wrist to start a fire in the fireplace, and stretched out on the couch. He tried to listen for any sounds of anything outside, but besides the noise of sentries moving around on watch, he couldn’t hear anything to indicate where Ari might be. He wondered if she was thinking of him right now, or was she so focused on battle, that her mind was zoned in. He knew Fenris was there with them, and he hoped the elf wasn't taking the chance to fill Ari’s heads with doubts about him, although lately the elf was softer, almost friendly towards him. Anders wondered if that was Hawke’s influence.

***

Leliana, Ari and Hawke sat along the well keeping an eye out. Marcus was hiding in a nearby shadow, listening for any noises that didn’t fit. Fenris was on the roof of the horse barn, having retreated there when the women started making comments about braiding his hair.

“So, this is what you did during the blight?” Hawke asked as Ari played with her hair, while Leliana did hers.

“Pretty much. I even braided the King’s once, although he was drunk at the time, so doing yours is much easier.” Ari laughed.

Hawke chuckled. “They definitely don’t talk about late night braidings in the legends.”

“There’s a lot the legend doesn’t tell you, and they just make it all seem so much more heroic and brave, instead of dumb luck and fights at camp and certain male wardens kissing certain bards.” Ari giggled as Leliana swatted her arm.

“At least you didn’t have your best friend write some romantic tripe about you and your elf.” Hawke rolled her eyes.

“True, thankfully he’s too busy Kinging to write,” Ari smirked.

“So that dagger you keep playing with, it’s pretty cool looking, where’d you get it?” Hawke asked.

“It belonged to Zev. When I slice Lysette’s throat, it’ll be with his blade.” Ari said, her voice sounding cold.

Hawke was about to speak when she noticed that both Ari and Leliana had grown very quiet, and that Ari’s fingers were no longer in her hair. She gazed up to where Fenris was, but could no longer see him as he must have ducked down and into the shadows. She heard the soft sound of someone’s feet landing in the dirt.

Hawke kept her ears open, listening for any other movement. Ari and Leliana appeared to be doing the same, all three women with a hand on a dagger. Hawke heard another quiet shuffle of feet in the dirt, almost imperceptible, and suddenly a dagger shot out from the shadow where Ari’s friend, Marcus was. They all heard an “Oof” and the women sprang into action.

***

Anders was on the couch, staring into the fire while he played with a light wisp, wishing the Commander had something more interesting to read than books on battles, and troop formations. A rapid knock on the door had him leaping from his seat. Seconds later Cullen slid down the ladder, already in his shoes somehow, and held his hand up to tell Anders to stay put. Cullen grabbed his sword and moved to the door.

“Who is it?” he growled in his Commander voice.

“Fenris” he heard the Tevinter say. Cullen opened the door and Fenris said something low to him that Anders could not make out. The elf’s eyes darted to Anders for a second and then back to the Commander.

Cullen began putting on his armor and reached for his shield. He turned to Anders, “Keep this door locked, do not open it for anyone, understood?”

Anders nodded as Cullen exited out the door. He could hear the door lock after it closed. Well now he definitely wasn’t getting any sleep tonight.

***

When Cullen and Fenris arrived back to the courtyard a battle was already underway. Marcus, Leliana, Hawke and several of Cullen’s men that he had purposely stationed around were battling Crows. There appeared to already be a few Crows dead or injured. Cullen scanned the battle, his Commander training kicking in allowing him to quickly find what he was looking for, off to the side two women were circling each other. He gave a nod to Fenris and the two warriors worked their way there. They were not going to interfere, just see to it that no one else did.

***

Ari circled Lysette, each had already gotten a few hits on the other. She knew there was a battle around her, but Ari only focused on the elf in front of her. She registered two figures coming closer, and for a moment she worried that she was about to be battling more Crows, when the light from Fenris’ tattoos told her it was him and most likely Cullen. She returned her complete focus to the woman in front of her.

“You should have stayed in Antiva, Lysette.” Ari snarled, twirling her daggers in her hand. “I would have happily come to you to kill you, you didn’t need to come all the way here for that.”

“Talk all you want, shem. I came for the girl, my men will find her.” Lysette snarled.

“Too bad for you she’s not here then, isn’t it?” Ari grinned, but it wasn’t a friendly grin. It was one that was eerily like a smile Zevran would wear before a kill. Ari felt the tightness around her heart loosen just a bit when she saw the shock on Lysette’s face before it disappeared again. It meant they hadn’t figured out where Eleanor was, or more specifically who she was. The Crows had honestly believed the girl to be here.

Lysette let out a growl and hurled herself at Ari. The two women tumbled to the ground with Lysette on top. Lysette’s blade cut into Ari’s arm. “You were not good enough for him, flat ear.” She growled.

Ari punched out connecting with the elf’s nose, sending her flying back. Ari pounced up, this time she had Lysette pinned to the ground. She pummeled the elf with blow after blow, to the face and to the torso. Ari scratched at the woman with her fingernails, wanting to inflict as much pain as she could before making the killing blow. Lysette still managed to get a few cuts in, causing Ari’s face to bleed along with her arm. It didn’t slow her down.

“You are still a child, trying to play at being grown up. So sad, Lysette. Following around a man like a puppy who didn’t want you, who never cared for you. You were a nothing then, and you’ll die still meaning nothing to either of us.” Ari said in between hits.

“I’m not nothing,” Lysette struggled against Ari, trying to flip her over. “You just couldn’t step out of the way, you were undeserving.”

“He was mine alone. He loved me, he never felt anything for you. You should have stayed away,” Ari snarled, taking out Zevran’s blade and slamming it into the elf’s heart. She watched the light leave the woman’s eyes. Ari took out the blade, standing up and then wiping it on her leggings. “And now he’ll get his chance to take you out in the Fade.”

Ari stood above the elf’s body. She kicked her as she sheathed her blade. “Bitch.” She mumbled. She just stood there staring, not sure what to feel after so many years. Cullen’s hand on her shoulder brought her back to the present. She whipped around and looked at him.

“Ari, you’re bleeding,” he said, concern in his eyes. She looked down, seeing her arm for the first time. Suddenly her eyes got big and she took off in a run. Cullen followed quickly behind her while Fenris helped wrangle the remaining crows.

***

Anders paced around the Commander’s office. His eyes falling to the door every few minutes willing it to open, but it didn’t. He wasn’t sure how long they’d been gone. At least an hour, possibly two. Maker let her be ok. He thought. But what if she wasn’t. Where would he go, he wondered. He wouldn’t want to stay here, too many memories. But where to make his home…

Where was home?

When was the last time he felt like he had a home, he wondered? Not even his parents farm in Ferelden, even if it was still there, was considered home anymore. Kirkwall was friends and battle, but even there didn’t feel like home, not even after so many years.

So when did he feel like he had a home? Vigils Keep he realized. It was the first time he felt like he truly and honestly belonged to somewhere, like he was wanted. But that wasn’t quite right. In the end it felt like quite the opposite, they’d even taken away his cat. No, it was only home when she was there. When she left, it stopped feeling like home. He had started to have that same feeling here, but now he realized it wasn’t the place. It was her. She was home, and if something happened down there, if she was gone, then he truly no longer had a home.

But what was he to her? She had people to care about her, a cobbled together family of sorts. She had money, even if she didn’t act the part, she was still a Teyrna. What could he ever give her that she didn’t already have?

He jumped when he heard the door rattle suddenly; someone was trying to break in. He called up his magic, ready to burn the Crow that was on the other side. The rattling and pounding stopped, and he heard a key slip in the lock, and then the door open. Anders stood down when the Commander appeared as the door opened. Cullen then stood to the side as Ari burst in. She was covered in blood, with a large gash on her face and arm, and her eyes in a panic, darting about the room. She seemed out of breath, as if she had run here. The minute her eyes fell upon him she threw herself at him, pulling into his chest.

“Heal her, and for Makers’ sake stay away from my bed.” Cullen commanded as he closed the door stepping back outside.

Anders felt her shaking in his arms as he looked down seeing her cry. He had to peel her off of him long enough to heal her cuts, looking her over to make sure he hadn’t missed any. He was having to hold her back the whole time with one arm as she kept trying to push back into him. Once convinced she had no more injuries, he let his arm down and she pummeled right back into him, sobbing.

“Shh, Sweetheart, it’s ok,” He ran his hand along her back while he rested his head on hers.

She just clung to him tighter and said nothing, but cried. He wondered at first if this was latent tears for Zevran. He wondered what was making his fierce rogue cry. She was always so tough. And then he realized maybe that was because she had to be.

While she sobbed in his arms he suddenly realized she had too many to cry for. He recalled Oghren telling him once that her family had been slaughtered by Nathaniel’s father. He’d never thought before what that really meant. She had lost everyone, save her brother, that she had known on that night. The safety of her childhood home destroyed. Her parents, nephew, sister in law, and even nearly everyone that served them, all gone in a single night. He knew that her and Nathaniel had a history, but when he had asked them about it, both refused to talk about it, only to say it was in the past and to let it be. She had lost everything, only to be thrown headfirst into a blight with no time to recover from her loss. Somehow she had miraculously survived that, and found love at the same time. She had built herself a new family. And then that was ripped from her too. He understood now how Cullen had said that she couldn’t survive another loss.

Anders had never really had a family as far as he was concerned. His parents had been the ones to turn him into the circle at the first sign of magic. But what would it feel like to have one and lose it, and then have that same thing happen again. He realized just how strong his brave rogue really was. And as he held her in his arms, letting her drain herself of all her pain, he knew right then what he could give her that no one else could.

“Do you want to go back to our room, love? Get you cleaned up and into bed?” he asked her softly and she nodded. He held her close as they walked back to the residence quarters.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do believe I can hear several of you cheering for that fight!


	50. Secrets

Ari woke up with a start and sat straight up in bed, causing Lady T to leap from the bed and complain. Her dream had started out peaceful enough, she was in the Fade playing with Oren. Then Zevran had come along, and they talked. She had told him about killing Lysette, about Eleanor, even about Anders. She was calm, at peace. Then suddenly the Fade changed, and she was in her room, only at a distance and she couldn’t seem to get to the bed Anders was in no matter how fast she ran. Lysette was over him, cutting into him in long slices with her blade. Then Ari felt her arm and face start to bleed where she had been cut the night before. That was when she awoke.

She looked around and down. She was in her bed, in one of Anders’ shirts. There was a pissed off cat on the floor glaring at her. She calmed her breathing some. She turned to look beside her, almost afraid of what she’d see. Anders was lying there, he was breathing, ok, that’s good. When her eyes fell on his face she could see his eyes were open, he was watching her, but not saying anything, letting her reorient herself. It had not been the first time she’d awoken from a nightmare, and he’d learned to let her acclimate before touching her. She ran her hands along his torso, where she had seen Lysette cutting him, there was no sign of cuts or blood. She then ran her hands along her face and her arm, finding no injuries, and definitely no blood. She closed her eyes and calmed her breathing more.

When she opened them again, his eyes were still on her, but he was sitting up. “It’s ok, love. I’m here, I’m ok.”

She pushed herself into his chest, and he pulled her in, picking her up so that she was now sitting in his lap so that he could wrap his arms around her. “You’re ok, Sweetheart. I healed you, remember.” Ari nodded.

Anders rubbed his hand along her side while resting his cheek along her head. “I’m not going anywhere ever. I’m here, always. I promise.” He kissed her head, trying to reassure her.

“Don’t say that, please don’t” she sniffled in his arms.

“Is that what he said to you?” Anders asked, guessing at the cause of her anxiety. She nodded against his chest.

“Ok, how about this,” Anders took her chin with his hand, tilting it so that she could look at him. He bent down and kissed her lips softly, then looked her in the eyes. “You are the single most important thing in Thedas to me. I will do everything in my power to remain at your side. I will fight against anyone or anything that ever tries to change that. The only way I will willingly leave is if you send me away, and even then I will fight to stay.”

Ari nodded again, tears filling her eyes, although he suspected these were happy ones. She kissed him, pushing in back towards the bed. “I love you Anders” she whispered.

“I love you,” he kissed her nose. “Are you feeling better now?”

“Not yet,” she replied. He looked at her with concern. “I need you, please” she whispered in his ear.

“That I can do, my love,” he chuckled as he rolled her underneath him. He kissed her while allowing her to run her hands over him as if to reassure herself he was whole. His lips continued to attack her until her breath turned to moans.

***

That first day Ari didn’t want any guests, just the attentions of a certain mage. Someone had come and knocked on the door, just seconds before Ari had screamed out Anders name loud enough for most of Skyhold to probably hear. Whoever was at the door scrambled away, and word must have spread, as their friends had left the two alone that whole day. By the end of the day, Ari wasn’t anxious anymore, but she did seem to just want Anders all to herself for a little while, and he was happy to oblige.

The next day, Marcus stopped by, she was happy to see him. He was leaving for the Free Marches that afternoon, but promised to come to Denerim once she was settled in and see her and Eleanor. By that evening Ari seemed to feel calm enough for them to venture out and take dinner with their friends. They were sitting at the table with Hawke, Fenris, Varric, Bull and Cullen. The inquisitor was not expected back until the next day.

“So, have you been to see Bethany yet?” Ari asked Hawke.

Hawke shook her head. “Once we finish up here Fenris and I will head out there. We’ve written a few times though. She seems happy.”

“Nathaniel’s a good man,” Ari placed her hand on Hawke’s reassuringly.

“Is it weird for you?” Hawke asked.

“Is what weird?” Ari quirked her brow.

“Talking about your former lover getting married. I mean, I heard he was your betrothed once. I know I’d be devastated if Fenris was marrying someone else.” Marian asked.

Ari shook her head. “Nate has been my friend for thirty years, almost another brother, he and Fergus are so close. He was only my betrothed for less than a year. That’s all long gone, he deserves happiness, and I’m glad he’s found it.”

Hawke nodded but said nothing.

“Besides, someone else has my attention now,” she smiled looking up at Anders as he sat down next to her, setting a plate of food in front of her.

Cullen reached across the table and handed Anders something that was wrapped in cloth.

“What’s that?” Ari asked curiously.

“If you were meant to know, it wouldn’t be hidden in cloth, would it, love?” Anders winked at her.

Ari playfully pouted, but accepted his answer for now.

***

As Ari sat on the couch waving some ribbon for Lady T, there was a knock at the door. The same scout Anders had scared away a week ago was there. He seemed to visibly relax when he saw it was her that answered. “Your presence is requested at the War Council in fifteen minutes, Lady Arainai.” The man bowed.

“Thank you, Ser” Ari nodded.

She turned around and let out a startled “Meep” as Anders was right behind her. He walked closer, until she was pinned back up to the door. He placed one hand on her hip and the other along the wall by her face. He moved his face so that it was just an inch from hers. She could feel his hot breath on her lips and it made her start to quiver.

“You better not be thinking about leaving Skyhold so soon, my love.” He purred, and crashed his lips to hers.

She put her arms around his back, holding his shoulders for support as the heat from the kiss nearly melted her. When he broke the kiss she shook her head. “I’m not going anywhere, not without you.”

Anders smiled at her, then leaned into her ear, while pressing her into the door with his body. He whispered breathily into her ear, “Good, because I’m not done with you.” He chuckled when he felt her knees start to buckle, as he held her against the door, rolling his hips into her for good measure.

He then stood back, “You should head to your meeting, Sweetheart, don’t want to be late.” He laughed at the look she gave him in response to that. Did he honestly think she was going to be able to concentrate on a War Council meeting after that?

Anders leaned close giving her a soft kiss on the lips this time, then a peck on her nose. “Go, I have something I need to do anyway.”

They walked into the hall together, Ari turned to head towards the War Room, while Anders headed to the Undercroft. He nodded to Dagna as he entered, and made his way to Master Harritt.

“Good day Master Anders,” the man nodded. “Something I can do for you today?”

Anders reached into his pocket and took out the item Cullen had given him the day before. He handed the small bit of Dragon Bone to the blacksmith. “I have something I’d like you to make from this if you could.”

“It’s a very small bit, what did you have in mind?” Harritt asked.

Anders sat down and explained his plan to the man who nodded, becoming more excited as the mage spoke.

“It would be my honor and pleasure to do so.” Harritt replied. “Give me about a week.”

Anders nodded and left the Undercroft, feeling more nervous than when he had first thought up his plan.

***

Ari stood in the War room chatting with Leliana while they waited for the Inquisitor to arrive. Cullen kept giving her an odd look with that damnable smirk of his. She finally turned to him, “What?”

“Oh, nothing,” he shook his head.

Ari quirked an eyebrow knowing he was hiding something. She didn't get a chance to ask what though as the Inquisitor entered then and they got down to business. First they discussed what the Inquisitor had discovered in the Hissing Wastes. Ari debriefed them on any information she had about Lysette, and the Commander discussed the Crows now in the Inquisition prison. It was decided that the Inquisitor would judge them that week. Among the men in the prison was a stable hand that Fenris had ferreted out as the spy.

Leliana then produced two documents from her vest. No one but Ari seemed surprised to see them. “These arrived for you,” she handed them to Ari.

Ari looked at them without opening either yet. “You do know the last time you handed me something in this room I was in a fight to the death as a result. You can understand my hesitation to open another.” She laughed nervously.

“Trust me Hero, these you’ll want to read.” Leliana answered.

Ari read the letter, then opened the larger document, reading through it. Her eyes grew large. She looked to the Ambassador. “These are genuine? And binding?” she asked. The Ambassador nodded.

She looked up to the Commander, and saw he was looking at her with a warm smile.

“I…” she looked back to the papers and then up again. “I need to go talk to Anders about this. I thank you. All of you.”

“Well then, that’s that.” The Inquisitor nodded. “What say we meet at the Tavern later to celebrate?”

“Absolutely,” Ari grinned at her.

***

When Anders returned to the room that evening from the infirmary it was to see Ari practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. He was no sooner in the door than she had run to him pulling him into a huge hug and then dragging him to the couch pushing him to sit.

Anders chuckled at her excitement, then started to worry. Had she figured out his plan? He wanted it to be a surprise, he hoped he hadn’t screwed this up already. He decided to try to play it off first.

“Have a good meeting then?” he asked, hopeful.

Ari nodded excitedly. “Very.” She beamed handing two papers at him.

He read them, feeling her practically vibrate as she stood near him. When he was done he looked up, “And these are on the up and up, you are sure it’s not a trap?”

“Both Josie and Leli assure me these are real.” She grinned at him.

Anders put the pages down and stood up, taking her into his arms and swinging her around. This would fit in with his plan perfectly. “Well then, I think this calls for a celebration, don’t you?” he asked.

“Everyone’s at the Tavern waiting for us.” She grinned, barely containing her excitement.

***

_Lady Arainai,_

_Word here has reached us of the demise of Guild Master Lysette. As such, I have taken over as the new Guild Master. Let me start by saying, it’s about time. I wish I could have been there to see you kick her ass._

_I wish I had been able to enact this when Zevran was still alive. He was a good man and did not deserve his fate. Please know this is what I am doing as my first official act as Guild Master of the Crows. It is in honor of your husband. He will not be forgotten._

_-Guild Master Ignacio_

***

_Let it be known that from this day forward any Crow accepting or acting upon any contracts against Lady Arianna Arainai, Eleanor Arainai, their family or their friends will be put to immediate death. Any existing contracts on these parties are considered null and void as of this contract._

_This contract has been accepted and paid in full and approved by the Council. This contract will remain in full enforcement in perpetuity and cannot be revoked by any means._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just what is Anders up to?


	51. Leaving Skyhold

Hawke sat at Varric’s table near the fireplace in the main hall. It was nice for a change to just have a few minutes with him and no one else. She looked down at the end of the hall where Anders was talking with the blacksmith, Harritt. The man was looking around, as if to make sure not to be caught, and then handed Anders a small box. Hawke’s eyes got wide, there was no way this could be good.

Cullen came walking up on his way to the War Room. Hawke waved him over.

“Hawke, Varric.” The Commander nodded.

“Listen, Cullen,” Hawke said in a quiet tone. “I’m not looking to start something, but you may want to find out what’s going on down there.” She pointed to where Anders and Harritt were speaking closely.

“I’m already aware of it.” Cullen nodded.

“Look, maybe you didn’t know this, but in Kirkwall he lied to us about what he was doing. He had claimed he was making a potion to separate from Justice. Instead he had plans all along to blow up the Chantry, so whatever he told you…”

Cullen raised his hand. “I am completely aware of what he had Harritt make, I’ve even seen it myself. Trust me Hawke, not even Anders will be able to blow anything up with what’s in that box. I swear.”

The Commander than took his leave heading continuing to the War Room. He nodded to Harritt and patted Anders on the shoulder as he walked by the men.

“Well, something’s definitely up.” Hawke said with a raised eyebrow to Varric but a smile this time. If Cullen was in on it, it couldn't be that bad. She tried to get her face to look neutral as Anders walked towards them.

“Marian,” Anders nodded, “would you walk with me? I have a favor to ask.”

“I'm not digging in any sewers this time.” she teased.

“I promise, what I have to ask is definitely less exotic.” he smirked and walked with her to lay out his plan.

***

The gardens of Skyhold had become a welcome escape for the residents. Amidst all the war and devastation it sat as a calming piece of the Fade. Covered in flowers and flowing vines, the Inquisitor had put a lot of time into making it a place of peaceful mediation for all to enjoy. Ari and Anders were currently sitting on a bench within the garden with Leliana. They had only about a week left until Ander’s six months of service were complete, and then they would be heading to Denerim. Thanks to Ignacio’s note, Ari was looking forward to the trip even more, knowing that she no longer had to pretend that Eleanor was the King’s. The girl would remain as his heir, she’d still be the Princess, but now she could live in a home with Ari again. Bed time stories, and cuddles, baking cookies, and every other little activity she had missed with the girl over the years was now just around the corner, and Ari was practically soaring in excitement.

She did worry what that might mean for her relationship with Anders. She knew he loved her, but that didn’t necessarily mean he’d want an instant family. Perhaps he’d want his own place. She realized once she was no longer just his, but was back to being a mother and the King’s advisor, there was the chance he would lose interest. For that reason she was never far from his side these last few days. If this was going to be it, she wanted to at least have a few wonderful days to remember.

Ari was also spending as much time with Leliana as she could when the Spymaster was not busy, knowing she would miss her friend when she left. It was while the three were talking that a woman in black approached. “Arianna, Leliana” the woman said.

Ari’s eyes looked up to the woman and her grip on Anders’ hand tightened slightly. “Morrigan.”

“I… I had heard of Zevran’s death, I am sorry my friend.” Morrigan answered, her eyes taking note of Ari’s hand linked with Anders’.

Ari nodded, “Thank you.” She replied with little emotion in her voice. Anders watched the two women closely, having no idea who the witch was, only being able to sense the magic coming off of her. He took his cues from Leliana who was simply sitting and watching the two. If there was danger, Leliana would know, and since she did not appear concerned, Anders decided he should not be either.

“I have missed you, I… I regret how it ended between us.” Morrigan said.

“It was by your own choice, Morrigan.” Ari said, still remaining eerily calm.

Morrigan nodded. “I would like very much if we could put that behind us. Perhaps introduce me to your friend here.” She started to step towards Anders.

Ari stood rapidly, dropping Anders hand, placing herself between Morrigan and Anders. Anders started to stand up, but Leliana held her arm out to press him back down. She shook her head and whispered, “This has been a long time coming”.

“No, Morrigan. I wish you no ill will, but you stopped being my friend the moment you walked out that night. As soon as Alistair and I wouldn’t go along with your plans, as soon as you weren’t getting what you wanted you deserted us. The night before the battle you just turned and walked away. You broke my heart. Did you even care then?” Ari glared at the woman.

Morrigan opened her mouth to speak, but Ari continued, “And you didn’t come back for my wedding. I kept hoping you would appear, but you didn't. I wanted you there to stand by my side as my friend. You didn’t appear for the birth of my child. I thought for sure you'd come then, but you didn't. You could have found me at any point, and you know it, but you never once tried. And if you were such a good friend, where were you at Zev’s funeral? Leli was there. Cullen was an Knight-Captain far off in Kirkwall, but he still came. You apparently knew about it, but you didn’t show, did you?” Anders could tell from her voice that she was trying to hold back angry tears.

Morrigan stood but said nothing, tears starting to form in her eyes.

“Morrigan, I wish you well, but we are not friends. I have had enough betrayal in my life. I don’t need a friend who only wants to be my friend when it serves her own purpose. And no, you cannot meet Anders, you are not worthy.” And having finally said her peace, she grabbed Anders hand and dragged him from the gardens.

“Anders? The Anders?” Morrigan asked looking to Leliana.

Leliana nodded. “I’m sorry, Morrigan. I know that was pretty harsh.”

“There was nothing she said that was untrue,” Morrigan replied, looking to the ground. “I stayed away because of my own cowardice. I never considered what it might have meant to her.”

***

Ari ran through her last training with Cullen’s men. They were leaving for Denerim that afternoon. She had been training Cullen’s second, Rylen on how to work with the rogues to get the best from them.

She entered the main hall, holding her hand to her shoulder. Anders rushed up to her, seeing the blood. His hands on her immediately. “It’s ok,” she tried to calm him. “Just an eager recruit trying to impress the Hero. It looks worse than it is, just a little scratch.”

“I’m the healer here, love.” He chuckled, “Let me see it”, he said peeling her hand off so he could get a better look.

Varric, Hawke and Fenris watched from down the hal as Anders healed her shoulder, and playfully scolded her for worrying him. He leaned in and kissed her, whispering something in her ear. Probably dirty, Varric guessed by the way she blushed and kissed him back.

“There, that’s what I should write about next. The most beloved Hero of her time, and the most hated villain, finding love.” Varric sighed, turning back to Hawke and Fenris. “Unless you two have more I can write about.”

“Sorry, dwarf,” Fenris answered. “But our relationship is off limits.” He put his arm around Hawke’s waist pulling her close and kissing her cheek. Hawke blushed, it had been so unlike Fenris to be so affectionate in public, but he had recently started showing more, and she was loving it.

***

Anders looked in amazement at the carriage that was waiting to taking them to Denerim. It was much larger than any he had traveled in before. He guessed it had been sent by the King. The driver took their few bags, stowing them away. Anders placed Lady T inside, and marveled at how large the inside was as well, plenty large enough for them both to stretch out in if they wanted.

They had said their goodbyes to most others, only a few remaining. Fenris was not one for hugging, save Marian, but he shook Ari's hand and wished her a safe return.

“We'll see you in a few weeks for Bethany's wedding,” Marian said, hugging her. She said her goodbyes to Anders while Cullen and Evelyn approached her.

Ari was starting to tear up already, just saying goodbye to Evelyn. “Take care of him,” she told the Inquisitor. “He’s a good man with a good heart, he needs you to remind him of that.” She hugged the woman.

“I will,” she promised.

Meanwhile Anders and Cullen were shaking hands. Cullen promised to come to Denerim once the war was over, “Take care of her,” Cullen nodded towards Ari.

“I intend to,” Anders nodded with a smirk. He pulled Ari to him and kissed her head, and then into the carriage to allow her some privacy to talk to Cullen.

“You need to stay safe, for me,” Ari said, pulling him into a hug.

Cullen chuckled. “You do realize I’m the Commander of the Inquisitions army, right? Not exactly a safe career.”

“I’ll miss you, my friend. I’ll write, I promise.” She kissed his cheek.

“I know you will.” He answered as he kissed the top of her head. “I’ll see you soon.” He gave her one last hug.

Ari leaned up and whispered something into the Commander’s ear causing the Commander to laugh, and then with a wave she joined Anders in the carriage.

As the carriage disappeared to the gates, Evelyn’s curiosity go the better of her. “What did she say?”

Cullen leaned down to whisper in her ear and share Ari's secret knowing she wouldn't mind.

***

They were still a few days out from Denerim. So far they had been making good time, stopping at Inns overnight, and hitting the road early the next morning. Anders had been surprised at how much steadier the ride had been in this carriage compared to others. He had teased Ari the day before that he could easily get used to this living in the lap of luxury and that she was going to find he was quickly spoiled.

Currently Ari was asleep, her head in his lap. The seats were large enough for her to nearly stretch out on her side. Lady T and taken it upon herself to take up as much of the other bench as she could. Anders ran his hand lazily through Ari’s hair as she napped, looking forward to their new life in Denerim. His hand ran along her side, coming to rest upon her abdomen. His thumb ran softly along her stomach. He watched his hand and sighed. He was amazed at how much he was already in love with someone he wouldn’t even meet for another eight months.


	52. Letters, Pt 1

The carriage had barely come to a stop before the Princess came running, breaking free from the King to meet it. Alistair laughed at her excitement. Anders opened the door and stepped out, only to be crashed into by three feet of Princess the second his feet hit the ground.

“Hi Anders” she smiled up at him.

“Hey,” he smiled down at her running his hand through her hair and returning the hug.

“Where’s Mamá?” she asked him.

“She’s coming, she’s just feeling a little sick in her belly.” He assured her. He heard a meow behind him. “Here, you think you can help Lady Tigerly into the castle?” he handed her the cat.

“Hi Lady T, come on, I’ll show you my room.” The girl said holding the kitten in her arms walking back to the castle. “You can play with Perrito.”

“I'm not so sure your mabari is going to want to play with a cat,” Alistair laughed as she passed. He walked up to the carriage and shook Anders' hand. “Everything ok?”

“I’m fine, Ali,” Ari said, standing near the door, and grabbing Anders’ hand and arm for support to get down. “I really am just feeling a little nauseous. Maybe you could show us to our room, I’m just really tired from the road”

“Maker Ari, you’re practically green. I haven’t seen you like this since you were…” The King suddenly got quiet and looked at Anders and Ari, watching them look at each other. “Oh” he laughed, grinning at them both. “Sure, your room, come on.”

***

Ari had rested for a few hours in her bed when Anders peeked his head in. “Feeling better, love?” he asked from the door. She nodded. “Good, because there’s a wiggly girl out here that may explode if I don’t let her in soon.”

Ari sat up on the bed and Anders opened the door further letting Eleanor run in and jump on the bed. “Mamá!” she made her way across to where Ari had open arms ready to pull her in. Anders smiled and stepped back out. She hugged Eleanor tightly kissing her face all over causing the girl to scream with laughter.

“I have many months of kisses to make up for, little one,” Ari teased her, covering her in more kisses.

“Uncle King said I’m going to get to live with you again. Can I really?” she asked still squealing.

“Yes, we’re safe now. No more hiding,” Ari pulled her in for another hug. “I get to just be Mamá now.”

“Is Anders going to live with us too?” Eleanor asked.

“Would it be ok with you if he did?” Ari asked the girl.

Eleanor smiled. “Yeah. He played with me while you were sleeping. We fought a dragon… well really it was Perrito. But he’s fun, I like playing with him.”

Ari smiled and gave Eleanor another hug.

***

Ari spent another day in bed, the travel on the road having taken a lot out of her.

“I’m worried,” she said wrapped in Anders’ arms. “Why am I so tired?”

“Well, besides a five day ride here,” Anders answered, “you are growing a whole human inside you. I think you’re allowed to be a little sleepy from that. Do you want me to look just to make you feel better?” Ari nodded in response.

Anders laid his hands on her abdomen, glowing as he watched, seeing the little spark of color within her, almost too tiny to see yet.

“You’re both fine. You just need some more sleep, Sweetheart. Listen to your healer” He kissed her, pulling her in for rest.

The day after that, Ari was feeling much more herself, and Eleanor was excited to show her mother around. They sat at lunch, along with Fergus, Nate and Bethany.

“I was wondering,” the King said, looking a bit nervous, “If you might consider living in one of the houses on the grounds?”

“We’re safe now,” Ari said. “Are you still worried?

“It’s just,” The King looked down at Eleanor who was excitedly talking to Fergus at the moment, Ari followed his eyes.

“You’d miss her,” Ari finished his sentence for him. Alistair looked at her and nodded. “Of course Ali. You’ve been her family the last three years. I don’t want to break that up.” She placed her hand on his, and he gave her a grateful smile.

They rose, having finished their lunch, when Fergus came up and clapped his hand around Anders shoulder. “Let’s go have a talk.” He said, leading the man away.

“Fergus?” Ari watched him with a look in her eyes.

“Pup,” he bent down and kissed her head. “I have two jobs as your older brother. The first is to torment you endlessly,” he touched her nose with his finger, “and the second is to put the fear of the Maker into your suitors.” He walked back to where Anders waited for him and the two men continued on their way.

“Time for you to meet with your tutor,” the King took Eleanor’s hand. “Say goodbye to you mother, we’ll see her later.”

“Bye Mamá” Eleanor gave her a hug, and then followed the King out.

Ari turned, and walked over to Bethany. “Well,” she smiled, “You look, well, nothing at all like your sister” Ari laughed.

Bethany laughed, “I look more like our brother did.”

“Come, we have lots to talk about before you marry Nate,” Ari said, linking arms with Bethany and walking towards the garden.

“Ri, be nice,” Nate called out, looking nervous.

“Maybe you should have helped me keep Fergus from dragging Anders off,” Ari turned to look at him. “That would have kept me more occupied.”

“Maker save me,” Nate whispered following after them.

***

“So then she dumped the whole bowl of gravy on his head.” Ari said while Bethany was laughing so hard tears were running down her eyes.

Nate just sat on the bench with his head in his hands.

“I’m going to get you back, Ri, you know that right? I have plenty of things to tell Anders too.” He shook his head.

As if on cue Anders and Fergus joined them in the garden. “Thank the Maker,” Nate stood quickly to join the two men. “Anders, please get her away from Bethany before she calls off the wedding.”

Ari jumped up, seeing them entered, pulling Anders in for a hug. She looked at Fergus, “You didn’t hit him, did you?”

“He does that?” Anders asked raising an eyebrow.

“He’s been known to,” Nate answered with a laugh.

***

Ari awoke in the morning finding that Anders was already gone. She started to panic a little. The night before Eleanor had climbed into bed with them, woken up by the thunder. Was that too much for him? Did he suddenly realize being with her meant a little girl climbing into the bed on occasion?

She looked around the room, looking for signs of his belongings when she noticed the rose and a note on his pillow.

_Hopefully you see this before you work yourself up into an emotional mess, I’m not in bed only because I woke up before you. Have much to do today, will see you tonight. Read the letter. The King’s healers have your tea if you feel nauseous._

_I love you,_

_Anders_

Ari chuckled and shook her head. At least he seemed to understand her irrational pregnancy hormones that seemed to have come early. She wondered with amazement how the Wardens under her at Vigils Keep didn’t mutiny when she was carrying Eleanor. She read the letter he wrote her, and felt herself tearing, unsure how much of that was the hormones and how much his letter. She sniffed the rose, letting the smell of it fill her nose, and placed it in her glass of water so it wouldn’t die.

_Ari,_

_I didn’t really ever have a home. Yes, I lived with my parents, but the minute I showed that I was a mage at the age of twelve it was them that sent me away with the Templars. They never again tried to contact me, never sent mail, it was as if I never existed. The Circle was no better, little more than a prison._

_And then one day, after the eighth time I escaped, I was captured. To make it worse, we were attacked by darkspawn. All I had to look forward to was either solitary in the Circle, or death at these creatures’ hands. And then an angel walked in, and not only helped me survive the attack, but she then refused to hand me over to the Templars when they came for me._

_For the first time, you gave me a home. I had friends that cared for me, a place I belonged, and even a cat (also from you). I had a purpose in battling the darkspawn, and more than anyone, you believed in me. It was something no one else ever did. I thought Vigils Keep was my home, I thought it might be where I would stay._

_Then you left, and the place that had been home became cold. The joy left with you that day. I was no longer trusted, no longer cared about. It became little more than the Circle._

_And so once again, without a home, I left. Looking for a place to make a difference again, like you had shown me I could do._

***

Ari dressed and went down to breakfast. The King was down there already speaking with his advisers. Seeing her arrive they all stood. Teagan’s smile grew as she approached. “My Lady,” he bowed his head. “It is great to see you here again.”

“Thank you, Teagan,” she returned his smile.

She sat with the rest of the advisers and a servant placed a bowl of berries and cream in front of her. Alistair gave her a wink as he turned his attention back to a man to his left that was explaining about an uprising to the south. He was suggesting that they send troops down to squash the uprising. Ari listened intently. She caught Alistair’s eye, and the King nodded. “Lady Arainai, what are your thoughts?”

“I’m sorry your Majesty, but why are we asking your mistr… friend, for input in matters of state. This is highly unlikely.” A man she didn't recognize asked.

Teagan coughed and then shook his head, looking directly at the man.

“Lord Desher,” the King said sternly looking at the man. “I know she has been away from Ferelden for a few years, but this the Teyrna Cousland, and the Hero of Ferelden. Surely those both qualify her as having a valued opinion.”

The man, Desher, blushed. “Of course, your Majesty. My apologies, my lady.”

The King nodded. “To set the record straight, despite rumors, the Lady here is my adviser, a fellow Warden, and my sister. What she is not, is my mistress. Understood?”

The men nodded, and Teagan shot her a sly smile and a nod from the side, while she smirked back at him. He always seemed to get enjoyment with how much stronger and reassured Alistair was when she was around.

“Well, Your Highness,” Ari started, getting back to the matter at hand. “I believe there’s been a drought in that area. Most likely those uprising are hungry. I suggest instead we send your men down there with wheat and cattle. Show them that their King understands their struggles, and is compassionate to hear their pleas for help.”

Alistair nodded. “And that, Sers, is why she is my top adviser.” He shot her another wink.

The meeting lasted until nearly lunch. Ari had forgotten how long those sessions could be. When the meeting adjourned, Ari walked up to the King. Seeing that the rest had left the room, he grabbed her arm and pulled her into a hug. “I’ve missed you.” He sighed as she relaxed into his arms.

“It feels good to be back,” she smiled up at him. “Where’s Eleanor? Does she get out of these meetings now?”

Alistair snorted at that. “No, much as she may try. But she had another meeting this morning.”

“She did?” Air asked. “Without you? She’s not planning to behead you and takeover, is she? If she is she is grounded.”

Alistair chuckled. “I do believe my head is safe for now. I have another meeting with an ambassador from Orlais to run to.” He hugged her again. “Oh, here, this is for you.” He handed her a note, as if an afterthought.

She recognized Anders handwriting, and sat down to read whatever he had written.

_So then I found myself in Kirkwall, with Justice in tow, as you now know. What I found there were so many refugees and poor needing help that no one was providing. I had found my way to make a difference, and so I set up a clinic in the poorest part of town, providing my services to those most in need for free. In exchange, they helped keep the Templars away. Turns out that you also had a part in that, as you had the Knight-Captain as a friend._

_For many years I helped where I could. I made friends with Hawke, Varric and Isabella, but even they kept me at an arms length, save Hawke. If I had to guess, it was Justice that made them wary at me. So while I made a difference, helped Hawke save the city from an invasion, helped heal the poor, and helped other mages escape, I was still so alone. Hawke was and is my best friend, she tried her best to help me, but her own heart was broken, and she could only do so much._

_Then one day I walked into the Hanged Man and once again my angel had appeared. You focused on me once again. You knew the importance of my clinic, without me having to tell you, and you helped with supplies. You cared if I ate or not, even if I didn’t care about myself. You reminded me once again that I mattered, and that what I did mattered. I knew then that I loved you, but I also knew it would be wrong to tell you. So instead I watched you sail away with my heart._

_I tried so hard, Maker knows I did, to forget you, to move on. Hawke fell in love with Fenris, and I got pushed further away from the group. Justice seized upon my loneliness and my heartache and took over more and more until I couldn’t see right from wrong. Somehow I had even missed that he had become Vengeance. Those that I thought were my friends just pulled away more, instead of helping me pull back together._

_Then the world blew up, and it was my fault. I couldn’t even remember what I had done, but I knew it was my fault, if for no other reason than for not fighting harder against Justice. In a matter of days I became the most hated man in Thedas. I was a monster, and no one else hated me more than I hated myself. I’m still not sure to this day why Hawke spared me, but I am so glad she did. And so I left Kirkwall and began my travels across the land, destined to be alone._

Ari felt her heart break again at his words. But her heart fluttered a little bit as her hands ran over his admission that he had loved her even way back in Kirkwall. She yearned to find him, and tell him he never had to feel that loneliness again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was getting long, so breaking it up into two chapters. Second part will be up as soon as I'm done writing it.


	53. Letters, pt 2

Ari sat by the small man-made lake near the castle. It had been a long time since she hadn’t had anything to do, no one calling her to a meeting, or needing her to save someone. Eleanor was still meeting with whoever she was meeting with – for some reason no one would tell her. Ari just sat in the grass, watching the water, and being at peace. She was bored out of her mind, almost hoping for a bandit to appear for her to fight.

Ari lifted her head at the sound of what she hoped was an approaching bandit, but instead was an approaching Teyrn.

“Hey, Pup”, he sat down next to her. “Beautiful, quiet spot. You must be bored out of your skull”

“Maker, you have no idea” she chuckled resting her head on his shoulder.

Fergus laughed. “I was hoping to find you really. I have news. You’re going to be an Aunt again.”

“Oh, Fergus.” Ari threw her arms around his torso, giving him a hug. “That’s wonderful. Congratulations!! How long until I get to start spoiling the little one?”

“Another four months. I need to head back tomorrow; I didn’t want to leave Elissa alone too long.”

“Oh, of course. After we’re settled in here, maybe we can all come see you. Congratulations, brother.” She snuggled back along his shoulder.

“So what about you, what are your plans?” he asked her.

“Nothing right now. I just want to be Eleanor’s mom for the time being. I’ve missed so much the last few years, I don’t want to miss any more.”

“And what about Anders?” Fergus asked, giving her a squeeze.

“Well, that depends on how awful you were to him yesterday” she teased.

Fergus held his hands up in surrender, “I was very nice, I promise. Not even any thinly veiled threats made.”

Ari laughed, and the two siblings sat by the water watching for a while, enjoying the first time that it had been just the two of them alone since they were young. They reminisced about their time in Highever, and their parents while they sat.

After about another hour, Fergus stood up, “I have a representative here I need to meet with about some new cattle for the lands. See you at dinner?”

Ari nodded. She watched the water and then noticed that Fergus had left a note. She looked to see that he was already too far gone for her to call out to. She opened to the first page, being the nosy little sister and recognized Anders handwriting. The first few lines made her realize it was meant for her.

She looked back in the direction Fergus had walked off in. _Very sneaky, brother_ she thought.

_I roamed most of the Free Marches and into Orlais. Always staying away from towns, for fear of being recognized. Justice grew louder in my head, telling me I hadn’t done enough, that more needed to see how wrong the Chantry was. He beat in my head constantly, never ending. I felt like I was going mad, and so alone once again._

_Then one night I came upon a battle. Justice wanted to hide, but I countered that four men against one woman was unfair, and that we should help. Had I known who the woman was, I would have realized that is was the men who were in danger. A few well placed lightning bolts in the ass of one of them helped put an end to the battle._

_I was amazed to find that standing by the fire was my angel once again. It was as if you were always seeking me out when I was the most lost. I was so happy and relieved to see you. Even when you broke my nose._

_Again you took me under your protection. Skyhold should have been a quick death for me, but instead you worked your magic somehow and saved me. You not only saved my life, you freed me from Justice. And then, even more miraculously, you gave me your heart._

_It was more than I could have ever dreamed, and much more than a man like me deserves. But you did it, you somehow picked up the broken pieces of what I was, and put me back together again. You believed in me when even I did not believe in me. You rallied others around me, and helped them to believe in me._

_And I would trade away all that just for the look in your eyes when you look at me. You make me feel ten feet tall and as if I could take on anything, even Corypheus himself. You made Skyhold a home, including a cat!_

_And it was a good home, filled with friends and laughter, and the start of something so incredibly important to me._

***

Eleanor sought out Ari as soon as she was able, taking her to Eleanor’s room to read and color. They decided they'd send their drawings to Skyhold for Cullen and Evelyn.

After a few hours of girl time, Eleanor looked to her mother, “Mamá, I want to show you the gardens.”

“Ok,” Ari laughed, pretty much willing to do just about anything the girl was wanting to do.

Eleanor pointed out many of the flowers as they walked through the garden. There was a special Orlesian rose that Eleanor wanted her to see. It was one that’s vine climbed up a wall on one end of the garden. As a result of where it was located, Ari had to help the girl climb up on a bench to reach it. Eleanor turned around and put her arms around Ari’s neck and gave her a kiss. “I love you Mamá” she said.

“Love you too, Princesa” she said, returning the hug.

When Eleanor pulled away, she handed Ari a piece of paper. Ari looked at it and then at her daughter. “Was your meeting today with Anders?”

Eleanor just nodded and stood there waiting for her mother to read the note. Ari shook her head with a grin and opened the paper.

_You left Skyhold, but thankfully you took me with you this time._

_I am done wandering. Home is wherever you are, and I want this to be home. I want this to be where we raise our children, where we build our life. I never want to be without home, without you again._

_If you look up, I believe your daughter has something to say to you._

Ari put down her hand that was holding the note and looked at Eleanor. She hugged her mother again. “Turn around, Mamá” she whispered in her ear.

Ari turned around, and her hands instantly came up to cover her mouth, tears forming in her eyes. Anders was just behind her, dressed in dark pants and a formal shirt. His hair was pulled back. He lifted his hand moving some hair behind her ear that had moved. Stepping closer he bent his head down and kissed her lips softly.

He moved back away, and lifted a small box that Harritt had given him. “Ari,” he said nervousness in his voice, “If you say yes, all of our friends are around the corner. I don’t want to wait any more, I want to start a life with you tonight.”

He opened the box and inside were two rings. A small one, with an intricate weave pattern on it, the larger one, plainer, but a hint of the same pattern on it. Both made of Dragon Bone.

Ari just stared, and looked up at Anders, with tears still in her eyes.

Eleanor couldn’t wait anymore. “Say yes, Mamá” she instructed.

Ari and Anders laughed at her, and then Ari spoke “Well, I can’t really go against her Royal Highness’ order, can I?”

“I wouldn’t risk it,” Anders said, pulling Ari into a kiss, her arms coming around his neck as he held her tight.

Someone coughed behind them, breaking up the kiss. “I believe you’re supposed to wait until after the vows to do that.” Fergus said, stepping closer.

Anders let Ari go, taking her hand and kissing it as he stepped away and headed off to wait for her.

***

Fergus led Ari towards another garden area, Eleanor running ahead of them, clearly excited. Ari expected just to see the King and Nathaniel there, but she stopped in shock when they turned the corner. On one side stood Leliana, Marian and Bethany, on the other was Anders, beside him was Nathaniel, Fenris and Cullen. In the middle of them all was the King. Since the Chantry did not allow mages to marry, Ari assumed he was there to perform the vows.

She looked at Fergus, “How?” she whispered.

“He had this planned out before you left, the rest headed out this way shortly after you.” He squeezed her arm. Ari laughed quietly, watching Eleanor run up to Anders, and grab onto his leg. He rubbed her head, holding her close with one of his hands on her back.

“She seems to like him a lot more now,” Ari whispered to Fergus as they slowly walked up to where everyone was.

“They spent a lot of time talking today, apparently he won her over.”

Fergus handed Ari to Anders. “Keep her safe.” He said, patting the mage on the back.

They turned and looked to the King, Eleanor insisting on staying between them, holding onto the leg of each, since they were holding hands.

Alistair spoke of the commitment of marriage, and the joining of two souls. “Along with Eleanor,” he winked down to the little girl, “you are forming a family. A new life together.”

He kept the ceremony short and sweet, and then stopped when it came time to introduce the couple. “I don’t know your last name.” he said looking to Anders, and blushing.

“About that,” Anders replied, looking at Ari, taking both her hands and leaning in close so only she could hear. “My family sent me away, theirs is not a name I wish to have live on. I already have Fergus’ blessing, if you would agree, I would rather that the Cousland name be the one to continue. It’d be a prouder name for our children to have than the one of my parents.”

Ari nodded, crying again and Anders leaned in to whisper to the King.

“You cry a lot, Mamá” Eleanor interrupted, causing everyone to laugh.

“Friends, allow me to introduce to you, Anders and Arianna Cousland.”

\---

Evelyn walked down the stairs of the castle. She was dressed in a dark blue dress, trimmed in black. The sleeves were such that they started below the shoulders, exposing more of her chest. She had been invited to the King’s wedding in official capacity as the Inquisitor. But as Evelyn, it was the handsome Commander whose arm she was holding onto that she was most excited about.

They entered the reception hall, scanning the room for who they were looking for. Over to the side, they spotted them. Fergus and Elissa Cousland sat with a baby girl in her arms. Next to them was Arianna and Anders, Arianna holding a new little bundle, and Eleanor sitting in Anders’ lap, both watching the baby.

“Uncle Cullen!” Eleanor called out, slipping from Anders' lap as soon as she saw him. He picked her up in his arms, giving her a large hug before putting her back down. “Are you staying long?” she asked.

“A few days, Princess. Speaking of, there’s a full moon tomorrow, have any plans?”

Eleanor turned to look at Anders. “Is it ok, can I go tomorrow, Daddy Anders?”

“Of course, meine Kleine” he winked at her.

“Eleanor, I think Queen is waving you over. Go be a Princess, you can play with your Uncle later.” Ari spoke up.

Anders stood to allow Cullen to sit beside Ari. She turned and placed the baby in his arms. “Cullen,” she grinned at her friend. “Meet Karl Oren Cousland. Karl, this is your Uncle Cullen.”

Cullen stared down with wonder at the little guy squirming in his arms.

“Well, you’re much more relaxed then you were when I handed you Eleanor,” Ari laughed. She turned to Evelyn. “I thought he was going to run screaming from the house he looked so scared.”

“I think he looks like a natural,” Evelyn blushed as she looked down at her handsome Commander.

 

  **Art from mianzuart.tumblr:**  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this. A happy ending for Ari to compliment the utter devastation in "Love & Darkspawn".
> 
> I'm almost sad to be done, but at this time, I don't have more to tell. If you loved this story as much as I loved writing it, please share it with your friends, and leave kudos <3
> 
> Thank you all so much for all your comments, it seriously makes my day when I see comment appear in my inbox!!


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